30 days no contact after breakup

[ChampooPapi]

I broke up with my boyfriend this morning after he was very abusive yesterday, and around one of my small children. This has happened multiple times and I have ‘left him’ now at least 3 other occasions. We have only been together a year and is not any of my childrens father. There is definitely trauma bonding and I am aware that I need councilling which I am accessing through my university.

I am 36 and he was my first serious relationship after splitting up from a 12 year relationship with my childrens father.

Still very much in love with him even though he is clearly fairly unhinged, and quite immature (he’s only 26) in alot of his behaviour.

But yes, utterly obsessed, as is he with me, so must break this cycle of madness.

starting 30 days today no contact , anyone welcome to join. I have manahed 10 days at the most so 30 would hopefully help me break alot of my physical and emotional dependency on him.

Anyone please join too so we can support each other and keep our itchy trigger texting fingers busy 😵‍💫

Day 1 💪

@Littlemisslonley it is so hard , we are all here for you and understand that this is a new kind of torture. But we have to endure it, we have to hold tight, even if we say ‘tomorrow I will contact him’ , not today, do not do it today. Get out of the house if you can without your phone , and get some fresh air blowing through your head, body and soul

I hope your pamper night went well and you feel a little better today?
Yesterday I ended up taking dd (5) to a village fete with a dog show so that killed a few hours!!

Thank you honey! Feel much more back on the ball now so to speak yesterday was a wobbly one but thanks for all the support!

How are you feeling?!

Today is my 1 week no contact milestone 🙂🙂

Got to 70 days No Contact and bumped into her on Saturday night. Messaged her in the morning. Back to square one!!!

How do you feel?

How is everyone holding up

Annoyed as I was doing so well. Sadly still got feelings for her so fell a bit of an idiot as well. Onwards and upwards!!

You did 70 days...so you can do 70 more well done you. Seeing someone can be a shock and reinstall those feelings. It's hard...you can do this

How's everyone doing?
@Carter12 you didn't deliberately seek out your ex, next time you see them unexpectedly it will be easier. Keep going, 70 days is great.

Yeah it was the messaging in the morning though that makes me feel like rhe idiot. I haven't blocked yet so that should probably be my next step to prevent it happening next time!!

Hope the rest keep going - good luck

I haven't blocked my ex because I know I would just unblock anyway which is worse! Just holding out stong with the no contact however its been super hard. Don't beat yourself up about the message your only human....

I understand why you're not blocking and others have asked me why I haven't done this and that's the honest reality for me too. I know I would unblock and check and it's difficult to break that habit. How are you all doing today?

Awful - went scrolling through her social media this morning!!! Thankfully unlike most of you the relationship wasn't abusive - I just fell in love with a girl that didn't feel the same. Anyway least I didn't message her - Day Two!!

Glad it's not just me with the no blocking thing! Makes me feel better!

1 week as of yesterday no contact for me!

Its hard if it wasn't abusive, you don't have solid reasons for the split other than emotional reasons (does that make sense) so I get why you wobbled when you saw her in real life!!

Im abit wobbly today. I was suppose to get on a plane and meet his family today to return home on Thursday so the emails about my flight triggered me abit....does anyone ever sit and wonder if the other person is missing them thinking about them etc? Like surley they are?!

I got a load of messages last night (haven't blocked for the same reason as PP) saying I'd ignored him (20 day NC - he'd told me he hated me and never wanted to speak again) and hadn't supported him with 'major life events' (i.e. changing jobs) during that time and was 'wrapped up' in my new house and 'only care about myself.

Then he said I'd 'completed tinder' in those 20 days and asked how many men I'd taken home.

I'm not on any dating apps and not only have I had sex with no-one, I haven't spent time even with friends. He's paranoid.

I've never been interested in casual sex so I don't know where he gets this stuff from.

Don’t assume 3 isn’t old enough to be impacted. It is.

I'm sorry you're struggling, social media can be a curse because you're drawn to checking what someone is doing or just something to give you contact of some sort! Well done for not messaging, day 2 down. It's going to get easier!

I definitely wonder this! Sit and ask myself why it's so easy for him when I feel this way. I have tried to understand trauma bonding because I do firmly think that's playing a part. When someone has treated you so poorly why do we feel this way and wish they would miss us because really we should feel angry. They should be remorseful.

It's so difficult when things are passing by that you had planned. Especially a milestone like meeting family. 1 week down, you're doing amazingly well!

It's so hard because whether you know the paranoia and the extreme highs and lows are wrong or not it still messes with your head. You still feel the need to justify and explain don't you? Asking yourself why the person who was supposed to love you thinks these things of you. I've been in this situation more times than I care to admit. Did you respond or continue NC? You are worth more than someone who speaks to you this way.

Thank you. I told him I still loved him and wasn't interested in dating anyone else but that his behaviour was abusive and he needed to apologise.

I messaged him once at lunchtime today then deleted his number and the conversation.

Haven't heard from him since all his paranoid ranting yesterday evening.

It is trauma bonding 100% but also I think it's human we want them to hurt like we are hurting don't we basically miss us like we miss them even though we shouldn't miss them!
I guess every milestone is one more step towards no more related to the ex milestones!
Thank you I'm pushing forward as best as I can

Try and stay strong his behaviour is not right at all you know the truth and that's all that matters

How is everyone today?! Original poster are you ok?

Ok, thanks. No contact other than that one text yesterday. Planning not to contact him again.

Considered deleting his photos etc but feel I should keep some as evidence in case I ever report it.

Too conflicted right now but might feel more objective a few months from now. When I spoke to the police (Clare's law app recently) they said there's no deadline to make a report.

Remembering all the good times and conveniently forgetting all the bad times!!! Thankfully away for a few a days so should take my mind off it - Day three nearly done