Page 6 | 30 days no contact after breakup

ChampooPapi · 2023-08-12T14:08:00+00:00

I broke up with my boyfriend this morning after he was very abusive yesterday, and around one of my small children. This has happened multiple times and I have ‘left him’ now at least 3 other occasions. We have only been together a year and is not any of my childrens father. There is definitely trauma bonding and I am aware that I need councilling which I am accessing through my university. I am 36 and he was my first serious relationship after splitting up from a 12 year relationship with my childrens father. Still very much in love with him even though he is clearly fairly unhinged, and quite immature (he’s only 26) in alot of his behaviour. But yes, utterly obsessed, as is he with me, so must break this cycle of madness. starting 30 days today no contact , anyone welcome to join. I have manahed 10 days at the most so 30 would hopefully help me break alot of my physical and emotional dependency on him. Anyone please join too so we can support each other and keep our itchy trigger texting fingers busy 😵💫 Day 1 💪

Littlemisslonley · 23/08/2023 16:48

Isolated17 · 23/08/2023 16:42

Ok, thanks. No contact other than that one text yesterday. Planning not to contact him again.

Considered deleting his photos etc but feel I should keep some as evidence in case I ever report it.

Too conflicted right now but might feel more objective a few months from now. When I spoke to the police (Clare's law app recently) they said there's no deadline to make a report.

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Have you got Facebook? Make an album on there and set the privacy to only you so only you can see it and upload all his pictures etc into there. If not Facebook email them to yourself and delete them off your phone that way they are not gone forever and you can get them back should you need them!

Don't message back, it's pointless, do they even listen to what your saying on your messages...nope!! Your doing great! Any plans for tonight or over the weekend?

Littlemisslonley · 23/08/2023 16:50

Carter12 · 23/08/2023 16:44

Remembering all the good times and conveniently forgetting all the bad times!!! Thankfully away for a few a days so should take my mind off it - Day three nearly done

Hate how our brains do that to us never let us remember the shit but force the good upon us... don't let your brain to it too you force the bad time memory's in there like I'm doing because it's it's easy to think of the good!

Day 3 is good soon you'll be day 5 then a week and it will roll.. I'm on day 9 now I'm still hurting as he literally just walked out and vanished apart from me contacting him but I need to remember how he's treated me and what he has done.

Isolated17 · 23/08/2023 16:56

Littlemisslonley · 23/08/2023 16:48

Have you got Facebook? Make an album on there and set the privacy to only you so only you can see it and upload all his pictures etc into there. If not Facebook email them to yourself and delete them off your phone that way they are not gone forever and you can get them back should you need them!

Don't message back, it's pointless, do they even listen to what your saying on your messages...nope!! Your doing great! Any plans for tonight or over the weekend?

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Thanks - that's a good idea. I need to put it all somewhere I won't accidentally see it.

The annoying part is a deleted most of the abusive messages this May when we got back together, to give him a 'fresh start.' He seemed better for a while...

Had a to call a customer at work this afternoon and he shouted at me for a solid 40 minutes. He's known for this and it wasn't personal but I wish I'd just ended the call sooner.

I keep making excuses for men who behave badly - like 'he must be mentally ill.'

I went a walk at lunch and I'll maybe go a walk after work. Trying to stay busy.

How about you?

Beyondnine9 · 23/08/2023 16:59

Please may I join? I broke off my relationship this morning - heartbroken but it's for the best x

Littlemisslonley · 23/08/2023 17:08

Isolated17 · 23/08/2023 16:56

Thanks - that's a good idea. I need to put it all somewhere I won't accidentally see it.

The annoying part is a deleted most of the abusive messages this May when we got back together, to give him a 'fresh start.' He seemed better for a while...

Had a to call a customer at work this afternoon and he shouted at me for a solid 40 minutes. He's known for this and it wasn't personal but I wish I'd just ended the call sooner.

I keep making excuses for men who behave badly - like 'he must be mentally ill.'

I went a walk at lunch and I'll maybe go a walk after work. Trying to stay busy.

How about you?

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I did the same re. Deleting previous abusive messages from my dds dad and I kick myself for it but what's done is done and we have learnt from it !!

Ugh that's rough and not needed sorry you had to do that lovie... some people are just arseholes.

Being busy 100% helps it stops you dwelling!

I've been with my dd my ds is out and about with his pals so we went shopping to pass time today! It's my exs sons birthday and we should be in Ireland celebrating however I keep telling myself no no no it's good I'm not there making memories with a man who is inappropriate with other women knowing its my boundary!

Littlemisslonley · 23/08/2023 17:09

Beyondnine9 · 23/08/2023 16:59

Please may I join? I broke off my relationship this morning - heartbroken but it's for the best x

Of course!

Big hugs!! Vent as much as you need.... keep the it's for the best and the reason why you broke it off first and foremost in your mind don't let your mind play tricks on you xx

Beyondnine9 · 23/08/2023 17:26

Thank you - unfortunately I've had to contact him this evening as I've stuff to return including a pet of his I am looking after. But I will start from tomorrow.
I wrote about it in a post this morning
as I was having lots of doubts about my decision: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4878766-did-i-make-the-right-decision
I hate the thought of him moving on and being better with the next partner, but I know that's a bit silly as it's unlikely he'll change.
Sorry, vent over!

Did I make the right decision ? | Mumsnet

I have ended my 'relationship' this morning, however I feel bad for doing so. We have been together for the last 4 years (one significant break in t...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4878766-did-i-make-the-right-decision

Isolated17 · 23/08/2023 17:35

He just sent me a text. I was about to respond to tell him I'm done, but not taking the bait.

Opened and deleted.

Isolated17 · 23/08/2023 17:39

Beyondnine9 · 23/08/2023 17:26

Thank you - unfortunately I've had to contact him this evening as I've stuff to return including a pet of his I am looking after. But I will start from tomorrow.
I wrote about it in a post this morning
as I was having lots of doubts about my decision: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4878766-did-i-make-the-right-decision
I hate the thought of him moving on and being better with the next partner, but I know that's a bit silly as it's unlikely he'll change.
Sorry, vent over!

Abusive men don't change. Mine was the same with both of his exes. I found out too late.

I'm glad I didn't have children with him (I wanted to before) since I'd be stuck dealing with him longer.

I know from past experience he'll reappear with a sob story but it never changes.

Beyondnine9 · 23/08/2023 19:48

Isolated17 · 23/08/2023 17:35

He just sent me a text. I was about to respond to tell him I'm done, but not taking the bait.

Opened and deleted.

Well done lovely 💪 xx

Isolated17 · 23/08/2023 19:54

Beyondnine9 · 23/08/2023 19:48

Well done lovely 💪 xx

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Thank you. He normally goes out with people from work on a Wednesday so I think he waited until today to respond hoping to get a reaction, so he could say "Look at my crazy ex!!!!"

Beyondnine9 · 23/08/2023 19:59

🙄🙄 of course, predictable
How many days are you on now xx

Littlemisslonley · 23/08/2023 23:19

Isolated17 · 23/08/2023 17:35

He just sent me a text. I was about to respond to tell him I'm done, but not taking the bait.

Opened and deleted.

Bloody well done. The power is in doing nothing

Littlemisslonley · 23/08/2023 23:20

Isolated17 · 23/08/2023 19:54

Thank you. He normally goes out with people from work on a Wednesday so I think he waited until today to respond hoping to get a reaction, so he could say "Look at my crazy ex!!!!"

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You know the truth....your not crazy so whatever lies he tells people do not matter....fuck him

Littlemisslonley · 23/08/2023 23:23

Isolated17 · 23/08/2023 17:39

Abusive men don't change. Mine was the same with both of his exes. I found out too late.

I'm glad I didn't have children with him (I wanted to before) since I'd be stuck dealing with him longer.

I know from past experience he'll reappear with a sob story but it never changes.

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OK so I just read your post honey and oh my god yeah you did the right thing why are you always doing the leg work? Why are you always organising stuff and waiting on him while he is gallivanting around. You make the right choice!

Get his pet back to him get his shit gone and close that door you deserve better

Littlemisslonley · 23/08/2023 23:28

Beyondnine9 · 23/08/2023 17:26

Thank you - unfortunately I've had to contact him this evening as I've stuff to return including a pet of his I am looking after. But I will start from tomorrow.
I wrote about it in a post this morning
as I was having lots of doubts about my decision: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4878766-did-i-make-the-right-decision
I hate the thought of him moving on and being better with the next partner, but I know that's a bit silly as it's unlikely he'll change.
Sorry, vent over!

Sorry I quoted the wrong op!

OK so I just read your post honey and oh my god yeah you did the right thing why are you always doing the leg work? Why are you always organising stuff and waiting on him while he is gallivanting around. You make the right choice!

Get his pet back to him get his shit gone and close that door you deserve better

Beyondnine9 · 24/08/2023 08:16

I feel like a massive wally - sent him a message last night pouring my heart out, saying I was gutted etc and all I got back was "I respect your decision, I'm sorry for everything" I think he's just been waiting on me to end things because he was too cowardly to do it himself.
My no contact starts today 💪 I'm already exhausted.

Isolated17 · 24/08/2023 09:04

Beyondnine9 · 24/08/2023 08:16

I feel like a massive wally - sent him a message last night pouring my heart out, saying I was gutted etc and all I got back was "I respect your decision, I'm sorry for everything" I think he's just been waiting on me to end things because he was too cowardly to do it himself.
My no contact starts today 💪 I'm already exhausted.

Why did you break up if you want to be with him? He might feel the same.

Beyondnine9 · 24/08/2023 09:22

He doesn't feel the same - he's made that very clear in how he has treated me every time I bring up how I feel (ignoring me, avoiding me) the last year or so. I can't keep asking to be treated better. X

Carter12 · 24/08/2023 12:31

Responded to a facebook post :(

Defo going to stop now and have decided to block. Day One.

Isolated17 · 24/08/2023 19:07

No contact today. I feel so unmotivated at work though. I don't think I'm depressed but also feel I have nothing to look forward to now.

I have friends etc. but have just preferred spending time alone for weeks. Bumped into one recently and seemed cheerful but I don't tell any of them what's going on.

Also, I bought a house this summer which was a long-term goal. Except I'd asked him to move in with me and now I'm living there alone, which has sucked a lot of the happiness out of it.

I haven't even bought furniture, which a friend and my parents have commented on.

Staying busy this evening by doing silly tasks - epilating my legs. Seems pointless if no-one will see them.

Then will shower, clean up and maybe go a walk. I'm just filling in my time rather than enjoying it.

I really need some sort of project or obsessive goal to throw myself into.

Littlemisslonley · 24/08/2023 22:37

Isolated17 · 24/08/2023 19:07

No contact today. I feel so unmotivated at work though. I don't think I'm depressed but also feel I have nothing to look forward to now.

I have friends etc. but have just preferred spending time alone for weeks. Bumped into one recently and seemed cheerful but I don't tell any of them what's going on.

Also, I bought a house this summer which was a long-term goal. Except I'd asked him to move in with me and now I'm living there alone, which has sucked a lot of the happiness out of it.

I haven't even bought furniture, which a friend and my parents have commented on.

Staying busy this evening by doing silly tasks - epilating my legs. Seems pointless if no-one will see them.

Then will shower, clean up and maybe go a walk. I'm just filling in my time rather than enjoying it.

I really need some sort of project or obsessive goal to throw myself into.

Hi love.
Well done you for doing another day...the days are long right? I'm struggling today too...seems we have reached a struggle point...

Well done for buying a house that's a huge achievement especially now a days... twist your head on the thought of him living in your house though stop romantisising it..what would the reality be?

I think we do fill time in a numb empty way before we start to heal. I feel the same. Keeping busy with the kids and doing stupid tasks to keep my time filled because if it's empty I dwell....

I really am anxious about ex coming back from Ireland on Saturday part of me really wants him to message me and say he wants to fix things even though I've seen the true colours now I still want him to want me and us..... but I think I know he's stubborn enough to never say that and ultimately do I want a bloke who breaks my boundaries 6 times inappropriately with other women (more than I don't know of) the answer is no!

Littlemisslonley · 25/08/2023 13:50

How is everyone today?

I'm better than yesterday but still abit meh about it all

Beyondnine9 · 25/08/2023 17:00

Doing OK here - fine if I'm busy, making sure my mind is occupied and I keep moving. It's when it gets to the morning or evening time (when I would usually hear from him) that I get a little bit anxious and sad. I'm on day 2 non-contact.
Listening to lots of podcasts and all the affirmation things on Instagram 😬
My next challenge will be the weekend as it's when we would usually see each other. If I can get through that I'm sure it will get easier - will try and make some plans and keep myself busy.

Littlemisslonley · 25/08/2023 17:34

Beyondnine9 · 25/08/2023 17:00

Doing OK here - fine if I'm busy, making sure my mind is occupied and I keep moving. It's when it gets to the morning or evening time (when I would usually hear from him) that I get a little bit anxious and sad. I'm on day 2 non-contact.
Listening to lots of podcasts and all the affirmation things on Instagram 😬
My next challenge will be the weekend as it's when we would usually see each other. If I can get through that I'm sure it will get easier - will try and make some plans and keep myself busy.

I think you've got the right mind set. Remember everything your missing am and pm is just habit of speaking with him etc so just break the habit and form a new one hon.

I'm exhausted and realised I haven't been looking after myself well enough and sleeping well enough so I'm going to do more of that!! Helps with your mindset!