Page 9 | Im so sad I’ll never have sex again

Elephantparade1 · 2023-08-07T20:41:56+00:00

My partner has made it clear they don’t want to have sex with me anymore. i love them and don’t want to split up with them so I don’t have any other choice but to accept it for what it is. They say they love me, but they just don’t see me that way anymore and they’re not interested in having sex. But I’m really sad about it, all the same.

Purplepeaches123 · 08/08/2023 20:06

Elephantparade1 · 08/08/2023 13:56

My partner is a woman - we’ve been together for about six years.
She is four years older than me. Sex life for the first three years or so was active and then dwindled and if I mentioned it she got angry at me so I stopped mentioning it as it was easier to ignore it than feel rejected all the time.
She has at least been honest with me now and said that she doesn’t see me like that anymore but still wants to be in a relationship with me. She says that it’s just how it is in long term relationships and she experienced the same thing in her previous relationship.

I’ve not read the whole thread but how old are you both? Could she be menopausal? It’s very very common to completely lose your libido when going through the menopause. Apologies if you’ve already said and your in your 30’s or something!

overdalexx · 08/08/2023 20:24

Eggandcresspleasemummy · 08/08/2023 17:21

With respect, one look at some of the ways in which MN threads have deteriorated into bat shit bun fights, lack of trust in posters’ ability to be fair isn’t surprising !!

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Unfortunately, despite my earlier reservations about the OP's initial vagueness.
One thing that has struck me about too much of the advice on Mumsnet (I admit to being a man) is that too much of it is too clearly driven by personal agendas and blasts from the supposed advice giver's past. Must admit I find this unforgiveable. Profoundly unsympathetic/selfish and could do real real harm. Any analyst/therapist would surely be struck off for that sort of ego driven nonsense.
But back to the OP, now all has been revealed, there is clearly a real real issue here. If the partner won't address/doesn't want to, time to move on I fear.

overdalexx · 08/08/2023 20:25

sorry to clarify eggandcress, was essentially agreeing with you,

WisherWood · 08/08/2023 20:31

Any analyst/therapist would surely be struck off for that sort of ego driven nonsense.

There's a disclaimer at the top of threads in relationships that clearly says that MN doesn't check anyone's qualifications and links to places where you can get expert guidance and support. Otherwise, yes, it's posters drawing on their own experience. In the absence of being a trained therapist, that's what most people will do. No-one has to turn to MN for advice and they do so knowing that it's mainly a group of women who often have a wealth of experience that they can share. Well, these days it's women plus a load of really embittered incels and MRAs but if you ignore the misogynist crap from them, there's a lot of sound advice to be had.

ArcticSkewer · 08/08/2023 21:20

She has described her relationship cycle to you. 1. lots of sex 2. no sex 3. break up. 4. find new partner 1. .....

So it's time to move to stage 3

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/08/2023 21:21

38 is too young to be involuntary celibate. You have needs and if you're a woman this is your prime time!

I gave this advice on a man who was 50 posting (something like my wife has no more interest in sex) and I was totally criticized - I thought he should ask her for her blessing to look for a sexual relationship elsewhere or consider leaving her and just being very good friends with her instead as that's what it is - that was based on the idea that it's selfish that the partner has no interest in op's needs . Interestingly lots of (perhaps older women with no sex drive) posters thought I was giving bad advice and he should grow old with her instead.

TommyNever · 08/08/2023 22:43

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Sandra1984 · 08/08/2023 22:56

ArcticSkewer · 08/08/2023 21:20

She has described her relationship cycle to you. 1. lots of sex 2. no sex 3. break up. 4. find new partner 1. .....

So it's time to move to stage 3

OP's partner also forgot to disclose OP at the beginning of their relationship that she tends to cut of sex after a while and expects her GF to suck it up. Had she been honest maybe the OP would have saved beautiful time and avoid this thread entirely. Basically OP was conned.

Hivaluegirl · 09/08/2023 01:58

I notice you keep calling your ex a "them" maybe he or she is bi/pan/gay which is why they don't want to have sex with you.?

overdalexx · 09/08/2023 07:59

WisherWood · 08/08/2023 20:31

Any analyst/therapist would surely be struck off for that sort of ego driven nonsense.

There's a disclaimer at the top of threads in relationships that clearly says that MN doesn't check anyone's qualifications and links to places where you can get expert guidance and support. Otherwise, yes, it's posters drawing on their own experience. In the absence of being a trained therapist, that's what most people will do. No-one has to turn to MN for advice and they do so knowing that it's mainly a group of women who often have a wealth of experience that they can share. Well, these days it's women plus a load of really embittered incels and MRAs but if you ignore the misogynist crap from them, there's a lot of sound advice to be had.

this post of yours itself is in my opinion ludicrously biased and agenda ridden.
For a long long time ever since pretty young I have considered it very bad to bring one's own agenda and battles to advice to others. It's selfish, profoundly unempathetic and worst worst of all can be profoundly damaging to a troubled person looking for honest advice. It's fine/welcome to bring experience of life to replies but not in my opinion to fight one's own past battles by using someone's own mind and body as food.

overdalexx · 09/08/2023 08:10

Sandra1984 · 08/08/2023 22:56

OP's partner also forgot to disclose OP at the beginning of their relationship that she tends to cut of sex after a while and expects her GF to suck it up. Had she been honest maybe the OP would have saved beautiful time and avoid this thread entirely. Basically OP was conned.

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good point.
OP - has your partner never pondered this relationship pattern of hers, ever wondered why it is, ever tried to change it, ever put any effort into maintaining desire?
Sexual desire for anyone very often needs a bit of work/effort/investment.

There is of course a sub-debate on this thread about the dreaded pronoun issue but folks aren't that much different from each other/nowt so queer as folk - doubtless if you look around other bits of the mnet reklationships and sex bits you will find so so many threads on the issue of declining/lost sex in long-term relationships. though yours shorter than most.

ArcticSkewer · 09/08/2023 20:48

Sandra1984 · 08/08/2023 22:56

OP's partner also forgot to disclose OP at the beginning of their relationship that she tends to cut of sex after a while and expects her GF to suck it up. Had she been honest maybe the OP would have saved beautiful time and avoid this thread entirely. Basically OP was conned.

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This is very true. She also knows full well that it is unreasonable as she keeps getting dumped