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Original poster

Im so sad I’ll never have sex again

212 replies

Elephantparade1 · 07/08/2023 21:41

My partner has made it clear they don’t want to have sex with me anymore.
i love them and don’t want to split up with them so I don’t have any other choice but to accept it for what it is.
They say they love me, but they just don’t see me that way anymore and they’re not interested in having sex.
But I’m really sad about it, all the same.

OP posts:
Thatladdo · 07/08/2023 22:43

You certainly do have a choice

Allthefeel · 07/08/2023 22:43

At 38? Bloody hell, fair enough that they're being honest and it's good you're not pressuring them, but if you enjoy sex and the pleasure and connection it brings why wouldn't you leave? Especially if they don't see you in a romantic way now.

GarlicGrace · 07/08/2023 22:44

Quit. Find someone who knows what sex they are, that might be a start.

Redwinestillfine · 07/08/2023 22:45

Is it a deal breaker? Can you live like that for the rest of your life? If it's and you can't move on. The lack of discussion would be a deal-breaker for me in itself but each to their own.

Tawnyowlette · 07/08/2023 22:45

You’re far too young plus it’s having a significant effect on your self image, OP.

AMuser · 07/08/2023 22:45

I remember thinking that and being utterly bereft at 40. By 47 I was divorced and have had more sex in the last 2 years than I have had in the preceding 30 🤷🏻‍♀️. With mainly just one partner in my case

1037370E · 07/08/2023 22:47

How long have you been together, and do you have children? 38 is young, can you really spend another 40+ years without sex? You may think that you can accept it but it is going to eat away at you. It will affect your self-esteem and eventually you will resent him. You deserve a full relationship with someone who loves and desires you, not this enforced celibacy.

MeinKraft · 07/08/2023 22:49

It sounds like they're pushing you away in the hope you will leave.

amispeakingintongues · 07/08/2023 22:51

This just sounds like they're getting sex from somewhere else.

Not being desired by your partner means they are lacking a very important part of the puzzle. Don't settle for this OP it will do you so much harm.

coreas · 07/08/2023 22:53

Does your partner use they/them pronouns?

Sillysosij · 07/08/2023 22:55

GarlicGrace · 07/08/2023 22:44

Quit. Find someone who knows what sex they are, that might be a start.

OP might be being ambiguous in case being a same sex relationship biases advice, wouldn’t blame them as people can be prejudiced about that still

Who1what1me · 07/08/2023 22:55

Elephantparade1 · 07/08/2023 22:41

It’s just difficult to know isn’t it. The grass might not be greener.
I feel disgusting though… I don’t want to have sex with just anyone, I want to have sex with them, but they have said they no longer have a sex drive and just don’t see me in that way anymore.

That's 2 different things.

Don't have a sex drive then they need to see a GP because it cam be a sign of medical issues or hormonal imbalance.

Don't see you like that anymore is different. Do they find others attractive? Do they see others sexually? Are they shagging around?

TaigaSno · 07/08/2023 22:56

Sorry to say it, but prepare yourself for what will inevitably come next.
"I still love you, but not in that way", more often than not is soon followed on by "I've met someone else".
"I still love you but don't want to have sex with you" is soon followed by "I've met someone else and want to have sex with them".
I've seen this time and time again. Sorry OP, you must be heartbroken, but you do need to see it for what it is. If you continue in this relationship you are accepting that you are living with a friend, not a partner.

carly2803 · 07/08/2023 22:56

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Pufflebow · 07/08/2023 22:58

If they don’t want to have sex with you because they don’t see you that way anymore and they have no interest or intention to work on that or ever change that for the rest of your lives, then I think it’s irrelevant wether you want to officially split up with them or not, you’re no longer in a (romantic) relationship.

thereisnorightanswer · 07/08/2023 23:03

OP, are you trying to hide the gender of your partner, or does your partner use they/them pronouns? Is your partner a similar age?

I think if there is a considerable age gap (with your partner being older) or a complicated gender identity involved, it may well be that your partner is being honest and upfront about not wanting to have sex and it not being about you (even though it will feel like it is).

If your partner is of a similar age, and has a more straightforward gender identity, I would worry that they were attracted to people sexually, just not you. Alternatively, I would wonder if they were depressed or going through early menopause (if female).

I guess what I'm saying is I would spend some time reflecting on how true the statement was, whether it was likely to change, and whether your partner was likely to remain monogamous (albeit in a sexless relationship). I would then weigh up how much they brought to my life, and whether they would bring those same things as a friend rather than a partner.

SlippySarah · 07/08/2023 23:03

Why are people suggesting they go to a doctor? People are allowed to choose not to have sex or to have a low sex drive without needing medical treatment!

OP I am sorry your partner has landed you with this and it sounds like it's going to be a hard road for you to navigate. But this does happen, some people just don't like that level of physical contact much or it changes over the years. They aren't necessarily ill or wrong for feeling this way. I hope you find a resolution that works for you both.

Silentmama2 · 07/08/2023 23:05

It doesn't mater if they are a he she or other.

If you are not getting sex and you want some at your age - I@m telling you in 10 years time you will regret not looking elsewhere.

Don't waste your time - start your exit plan and look elsewhere xxx

Dillydollydingdong · 07/08/2023 23:05

(The dp is obviously a woman). So, OP, can you live without sex for another, say, 50 years? If not, you'd better do something about it now. There are plenty of people out there of both sexes who DO want sex.

thereisnorightanswer · 07/08/2023 23:10

Silentmama2 · 07/08/2023 23:05

It doesn't mater if they are a he she or other.

If you are not getting sex and you want some at your age - I@m telling you in 10 years time you will regret not looking elsewhere.

Don't waste your time - start your exit plan and look elsewhere xxx

I think it matters only to the extent that if the OP's partner has a complicated gender identity, they might have decided that they are no longer attracted to the OP's gender, but are attracted to others. In which case, the OP is flogging a dead horse in wishing things could be different.

I think it's important for the OP to assess whether this could be a temporary thing or a permanent thing when deciding whether it's something they can accept.

Someone with a gender fluid identity suddenly deciding they don't want to have sex anymore? Maybe they've realised the OP's gender isn't for them anymore.

A woman two weeks postpartum? Give it a few years, that might change.

The OP shouldn't hold the partner responsible for never changing their opinion on never having sex again, but the OP is entitled to assess whether there is room for hope (without applying any pressure or expectation) and whether that hope is worth the gamble of staying in a romantic relationship.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/08/2023 23:10

Do you have kids OP? Have you discussed an open marriage?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 07/08/2023 23:11

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Who are you to dictate what OP is to post? If you can't manage to wrap your head around the fact that OP hasn't specified then leave it. OP doesn't have to dance to your tune.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 07/08/2023 23:13

Silentmama2 · 07/08/2023 23:05

It doesn't mater if they are a he she or other.

If you are not getting sex and you want some at your age - I@m telling you in 10 years time you will regret not looking elsewhere.

Don't waste your time - start your exit plan and look elsewhere xxx

I agree with this; OP has posted for support and it really doesn't matter why there is no more sex, that sounds as if it's a 'done deal', whatever sex their partner is.

Eggandcresspleasemummy · 07/08/2023 23:20

SlippySarah · 07/08/2023 23:03

Why are people suggesting they go to a doctor? People are allowed to choose not to have sex or to have a low sex drive without needing medical treatment!

OP I am sorry your partner has landed you with this and it sounds like it's going to be a hard road for you to navigate. But this does happen, some people just don't like that level of physical contact much or it changes over the years. They aren't necessarily ill or wrong for feeling this way. I hope you find a resolution that works for you both.

They’re suggesting it because it can indicate a number of different underlying conditions. The OP has said their partner has said they no longer have a sex drive - that doesn’t sound like a choice, but a bald statement of fact and it’s common sense to get it checked out.

AlbertaAnnie · 07/08/2023 23:23

I’m one year younger than you op and this would be a absolute deal breaker. I hope you can find the strength to move in to someone who will appreciate you

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