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Original poster

Im so sad I’ll never have sex again

212 replies

Elephantparade1 · 07/08/2023 21:41

My partner has made it clear they don’t want to have sex with me anymore.
i love them and don’t want to split up with them so I don’t have any other choice but to accept it for what it is.
They say they love me, but they just don’t see me that way anymore and they’re not interested in having sex.
But I’m really sad about it, all the same.

OP posts:
Sandra1984 · 08/08/2023 00:03

Elephantparade1 · 07/08/2023 21:41

My partner has made it clear they don’t want to have sex with me anymore.
i love them and don’t want to split up with them so I don’t have any other choice but to accept it for what it is.
They say they love me, but they just don’t see me that way anymore and they’re not interested in having sex.
But I’m really sad about it, all the same.

Tell your partner that's fine but you're opening the relationship and if he doesn't find you sexy others do.

Bandyarsia · 08/08/2023 00:04

TheCatterall · 08/08/2023 00:00

@Elephantparade1 is there a medical reason.
Is this a slow dwindle.
Did your sex life use to be very active?
Is there an age gap to consider?

are they otherwise good at showing they love you in ways that make you feel loved? Affectionate etc.

Have they tried anything at all as a couple or with therapy/GP to resolve this?

personally if someone told me they no longer wanted sex in a committed relationship, and we’re happy to not try and resolve the issue and just expected me to accept it - then I would see that this person didn’t respect me as an equal partner worthy of their consideration and effort etc.

At 38 I’d rather be on my own and working on my self esteem etc than accepting a loveless life with a partner.

I’m 48 and wouldn’t accept a relationship like this.

you have a housemate. Not a partner.

What if they just didn’t fancy you anymore? No medical issues, just did not find you attractive in a sexual way. What then? They could have all the love and respect for you in the world but they cannot make themselves feel something that they don’t. No medical intervention can change that no matter how hard you try. Doesn’t make you a bad person. Doesn’t mean there is a medical reason or an age gap or an illness.

RitzyMcFitzy · 08/08/2023 00:06

Sounds like the OP's partner is trying to withdraw bit by bit from the relationship, perhaps hoping they'll leave, rather than having an honest conversation.

Bandyarsia · 08/08/2023 00:07

HoneyBunnii · 08/08/2023 00:01

@Bandyarsia i am not saying you need to MAKE a person fulfill your sexual needs. You missed the point, if someone is not fulfilling your needs for whatever reason (such as not finding you attractive) and you have those needs then you need to move on.
Are you going to hang around in a relationship where your partner doesnt find you attractive? Your partner finds someone else attractive and gets what they want but you get nothing because your partner finds you unattractive and so you decide to live the remaining life as in celibacy? And be the loser in a relationship? No thanks!! You cant ignore your own needs!

Yes she needs to move on because it is probable that it is not his fault. It’s something you can’t fix….or pretend.

AntiSocial6DaysAWeek · 08/08/2023 00:09

Eggandcresspleasemummy · 07/08/2023 23:58

Loss of sex drive can be a symptom of several underlying health conditions, some of them quite serious. It’s entirely reasonable to get checked out to make sure it’s not the cause.

Show quote history

I think without knowing whether they are only not interested in having sex with the OP or it's anyone in general it's hard to know if that's a possibility.

Personally if I didn't want to sleep with someone anymore and they told me to go to a doctor as if there was something wrong with me it would annoy me.

However I wouldn't expect someone to stay in a sexless relationship with me so I do get your point.

moderndilemma · 08/08/2023 00:15

I know it is different, and you are younger, but menopause just completely wiped out my libido.

I look at my dh, I love him with every bone in my body. I see his cute bum and it makes me smile. But my own drive to have sex has disappeared.

Thankfully, we can speak about it and dh is sad but understanding.

SapphireSeptember · 08/08/2023 00:15

My ex-H did this to me, decided he was 'asexual'. (He wasn't, he'd had a higher sex drive than me before this, although had some weird ideas about sex.) I was in my late 20s at the time, and left him when I was 30. I felt so rejected, and I'd tried talking to him and suggested he talk to his GP, but nothing. I hadn't signed up to a sexless marriage. Ruined my mental health and self esteem. I think this is part of the reason I ended up in a hideous 'FWB' situation (although he wasn't much of a friend, just a vile human being.)

Leave OP, it's not fair on you. It'll only make you feel worse and worse as time goes on.

entitledparents · 08/08/2023 00:17

Open relationship?

overdalexx · 08/08/2023 00:19

well let's hope THEY sort this out.
even though they seem to have issues answering simple questions from folk who may be able to give relevant advice/insights.

porridgeisbae · 08/08/2023 00:34

well let's hope THEY sort this out. even though they seem to have issues answering simple questions from folk who may be able to give relevant advice/insights.

Does the sex of the participants in the relationship matter? If the other person was female and going through menopause and went off sex because of that, our answers might be different. But presumably she's not as OP is younger than that.

Whoever-it-is says they just don't feel like that about OP anymore. Sad

JFDIYOLO · 08/08/2023 00:35

Is your partner non-binary/asexual? If they just have no sex drive, never really did and went along with it to please you, I can see they might feel it's time for what they want, now.

Has something changed - menopause, impotence, depression?

Or is it remotely possible they're getting it elsewhere and are using this as a smokescreen?

Feeling upset over never having sex with your partner again is totally understandable.

Pressurising someone to have sex when they don't want to is wrong.

You can't change their sexuality.

You can decide if you want to stay with them - and accept no more sex.

Or you can stay with them, keep the relationship and find sex elsewhere.

Then there's the risk of STDs, deciding do you tell them and make an arrangement, or keep it secret - with all that that involves?

Grendell · 08/08/2023 00:36

Is this a lesbian relationship, by chance? (use of "they" to camouflage)
Lesbian bed death, perhaps?

SunRainStorm · 08/08/2023 00:41

You need to open your marriage.

It's within DP's rights to say they aren't interested in sex but IMO once they've said that, they need to be ok with you seeking that elsewhere.

This has obviously been terrible for your confidence. You should be able to seek out someone who makes you feel good about yourself.

Have some counselling and look at whether you're ready to date.

M00nknight · 08/08/2023 00:45

I can't believe the comments suggesting you divorce them.
What ever happened for better for worse vows.
Perhaps it's nothing to do with you op.
Is it possible he could have a low sex drive ? There could be some underlying medical problems. I have zero sex drive so can relate. I think a bit of compassion is needed on both sides here .
If his drive is low , I'm sure it's not that he dosent love or feel attracted to you. I love my other half so much but the thought of sex depresses me as I feel so much pressure due to my low drive.

OhcantthInkofaname · 08/08/2023 00:48

Bet your partner will be having a satisfying sex.

Deathbyfluffy · 08/08/2023 00:54

Dillydollydingdong · 07/08/2023 23:05

(The dp is obviously a woman). So, OP, can you live without sex for another, say, 50 years? If not, you'd better do something about it now. There are plenty of people out there of both sexes who DO want sex.

There’s no way you can know that with the information posted so far, and to assume otherwise is rather silly

TommyNever · 08/08/2023 01:03

My sympathies, but you seem unsure of your partner's sex, so perhaps his/her participation in your sex life was always a little distant and anonymous.

Me, I'll never have sex again either but I don't care, I'm too old for such goings on. You can always give it a scratch yourself if you feel sufficiently itchy. 😊

Blueink · 08/08/2023 01:08

Don’t see what difference their gender makes, and they is a valid pronoun.

OP you likely have decades of life, so would consider carefully how to navigate this but equally not waste too much time on someone who is not prepared to find a solution.

Thatboymum · 08/08/2023 01:13

They/them ? Is there more than one partner

Youdoyoubabe · 08/08/2023 02:18

Could it be lesbian bed death? I have heard it is a thing.

MysteryBelle · 08/08/2023 02:31

How many partners do you have?

Trulywonderfulworld · 08/08/2023 02:45

Eggandcresspleasemummy · 07/08/2023 23:55

They could be preferred pronouns, or the OP could just be being cautious about identifying details. Whatever the reason, we should respect it - we’re all intelligent enough to work out what the problem is and advise accordingly. And why would you think the OP is talking about multiple partners just because they haven’t been specific about their partners’ or their own gender ?

Show quote history

Because OP said ‘ I love them’ and ‘ I don’t want to split up with them’ and ‘they say they love me’.

So possibly more than one
They and them in the dictionary is used to refer to two or more people.
It’s a perfectly reasonable intelligent assumption.

Blueink · 08/08/2023 02:53

OP said "my partner" so clearly "they" in this context is not plural, some people have been living under a rock?!

truthhurts23 · 08/08/2023 03:34

Find another them to have sex with
your sex life shouldn’t end because of one person

6WeekCountdown · 08/08/2023 03:38

Using they is rather confusing, I guess maybe you did it as you are a man and don't want nasty replies as most women on here hate men? What's the reason for not having sex anyway? Are they menopausal? Gay? Impotent (if a man)? Surely there's a reason? I was out of action for a year after my 3rd child, I had a forceps birth which left me shredded down there (best way I can describe it), it was painful for a year, we tried and failed lots. I've never been so distressed, I was only 37 and love my husband, he was so patient. Eventually I did recover and got back on the old horse, I couldn't imagine a sexless marriage so young though. Are you sure this isn't a temporary thing for your male or female partner? I'm not sure how I feel saying leave, having been there, obviously a bit different in that I wanted to but physically couldn't, can't imagine my husband would have left me even if it was a permanent thing. I'd probably say leave or open relationship had I not been through not being able to have sex myself, I'd have been gutted if my own husband had done either though had things never recovered.