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Original poster

Dating in your fifties... why bother?

456 replies

Ellena646 · 04/08/2023 10:20

If I am brutally honest my experience of dating in my fifties has been: negging, below average sex, lazy WhatsApping (I mean who can't pick up the phone and say good morning) and what I am pretty certain is gaslighting infidelity cloaked as "it's just how the world of dating is now"... a bunch of greedy little boys with their hand stuck in the cookie jar that is OLD. Is it really worth the effort?

OP posts:
beastlyslumber · 04/08/2023 10:23

I'm also dating in my 50s and recognise some of this but for the most part I've met lovely people and had fun, even if I haven't met anyone I want to get serious with.

I tend to approach dating as an enjoyable hobby rather than a search for someone special, so maybe that's what makes the difference?

Plus my mindset is essentially that if one guy is an idiot, there's no shortage of other men waiting in the wings, so I don't let it bother me.

Zanatdy · 04/08/2023 10:24

i get you. I’m 47 (almost) and my experience is similar (he is 50), apart from the sex, the sex was amazing but the lack of messaging, poor communication, drove me mad. I didn’t meet him OLD though, he’s an ex colleague. I was debating OLD but I’m put off by what I read. I’d rather stick to going out with my reliable friends

beastlyslumber · 04/08/2023 10:25

Oh and I dislike the 'good morning' texts tbh. It would be okay if I was actually in a relationship with them but just texting or casually dating... no. It's too much pressure for me.

80s · 04/08/2023 10:30

lazy WhatsApping (I mean who can't pick up the phone and say good morning)
I'd be pissed off if someone phoned me to say good morning. I'd rather have a whatsapp. Maybe they are trying to stay in touch without getting on your nerves, rather than being lazy.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 04/08/2023 10:40

I did all my dating via OLD in my fifties. I definitely approached it as a bit of a hobby, one where I might meet nice people, or acquire some funny stories to tell! Sure, there was crap sex and rubbish men, but I met lovely people too, and had some excellent sex

Met the current man four and a half years ago now.

TheoTheopolis23 · 04/08/2023 10:51

When I was 35/36 I dated a 46 yr old man, he didn't do old himself (biggest technophobe I think I've encountered) but his acquaintances (around his age and older) did and what he relayed about their attitude to old, what they would say about old etc was very notable .... And possibly explains many women's experiences.

Basically they saw old as some kind of playground, as somewhere to find sex, as something almost not "real". The women using it were thought to be up for it & promiscuous or desperate (otherwise , in their view, why would they not just have met a man "naturally" in their area; after all men are (in their eyes) always on the look out and women have no trouble meeting men for dating and especially sex.

Because it was online, not "real", and often the women were some distance away; they seemed to feel they didn't owe the women the level of consideration they might if they knew them locally. Likewise their bad behaviour wouldn't t be likely to get back to people locally and their reputation wouldn't be affected. They could drop/block and wouldn't have to account for it.

Some saw the distance as an opportunity to cheat if they were partnered up. Not likely to get seen and caught like they would if they did it on their doorstep.

They projected their sex seeking onto women .... Even though most women probably weren't looking for sex.

When I did old briefly myself, I also suspected numerous men were attached and looking for bits on the side.

acpk55 · 04/08/2023 11:06

I mean who can't pick up the phone and say good morning

who in their right mind is going to ring up and say good morning 😂😂

BTW I’m a 50 something man, trying to date 50 something women and the entitlement / lack of effort in some is incredible, some seem have come out of long relationships or marriages and still expect everything to be arranged for them, some effort in their own dating life is needed

pictoosh · 04/08/2023 11:11

I'm confused about the 'good morning' texts movement. I hear of it here on the dating threads on mumsnet...the text contact. I don't know how this habit evolved but I know I don't want or need good morning acknowledgement texts from a man I've chatted to online but never met. Surely that level of contact is for far more developed relationship?

pictoosh · 04/08/2023 11:13

Are you looking for a good morning phone call? Eee my god that's even worse. I'd be staring at my phone in horror.

teaandbiscuits56 · 04/08/2023 11:24

This reply has been deleted

This user is a troll so we have deleted their posts and threads.

Original poster
Ellena646 · 04/08/2023 11:26

80s · 04/08/2023 10:30

lazy WhatsApping (I mean who can't pick up the phone and say good morning)
I'd be pissed off if someone phoned me to say good morning. I'd rather have a whatsapp. Maybe they are trying to stay in touch without getting on your nerves, rather than being lazy.

Yeah it's not just the "good morning" though the whole conversations are on WA which is just lazy... they can't use a phone anymore... and the emojis... urggghhh my teenagers use those to convey emotions, stop!

OP posts:
Original poster
Ellena646 · 04/08/2023 11:31

pictoosh · 04/08/2023 11:13

Are you looking for a good morning phone call? Eee my god that's even worse. I'd be staring at my phone in horror.

No I do not expect a phone call every morning it's a generalisation... I've probably had one or two actual phone calls in the past three years.. they seem to think that WA is the only tool for communication and it's just lazy... especially at first because I want to hear if a man can string a sentence together!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Ellena646 · 04/08/2023 11:32

This reply has been deleted

This user is a troll so we have deleted their posts and threads.

I am talking about men who you have met on OLD who are considered B/Fs too, they can't use the phone, it's all emojis and laziness it drives me mad...

OP posts:
80s · 04/08/2023 11:32

Ha ha, when I was looking for a partner in my late 40s, apart from OLD I also did a "singles dance course" and some of the men on there kept going on about how shit modern social media is. Instant heads up that we would not get on :D
OLD is like going into a crowded pub. Somewhere in there, there might be the intellectually superior aesthete or the laid-back boho artist of your dreams, but 99% will not be your type.

Original poster
Ellena646 · 04/08/2023 11:33

acpk55 · 04/08/2023 11:06

I mean who can't pick up the phone and say good morning

who in their right mind is going to ring up and say good morning 😂😂

BTW I’m a 50 something man, trying to date 50 something women and the entitlement / lack of effort in some is incredible, some seem have come out of long relationships or marriages and still expect everything to be arranged for them, some effort in their own dating life is needed

Oh I don't know, someone who has been texting for weeks and fancies hearing a voice when they are away, or wants to just see how your day has been especially if it's been a rough one... I've had experiences with BFs when I've left a voice mail saying I've had a very bad day and I get a WA emoji back, I mean come on...

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 04/08/2023 11:37

I think OLD in your 50s works for people who have learned not to get dragged down in life by people who don't do things in the way they'd like.

Look to yourself, if you're not happy. You don't have to give a minute to anybody who bothers you in any way at all. But instead, you're feeling bitter about it and considering ruling out a method of meeting people that works for millions.

If you don't like it when people use emojis, stop messaging those people. If you don't like lazy conversations, stop messaging those who converse that way. If you want a morning phone call, leave behind anybody who doesn't like the idea. And that's it. No need to get turned off the meeting method. Most of us are incompatible with most of us. OLD, like any other 'D', is a filtering method. Use it as a tool, and accept that most won't be for you. It's normal, standard, average, to not want a relationship with almost everybody you meet, regardless of how you meet them.

Original poster
Ellena646 · 04/08/2023 11:40

beastlyslumber · 04/08/2023 10:23

I'm also dating in my 50s and recognise some of this but for the most part I've met lovely people and had fun, even if I haven't met anyone I want to get serious with.

I tend to approach dating as an enjoyable hobby rather than a search for someone special, so maybe that's what makes the difference?

Plus my mindset is essentially that if one guy is an idiot, there's no shortage of other men waiting in the wings, so I don't let it bother me.

This is very encouraging.. so far I have only me the idiots... probably need to screen that earlier.. but thanks

OP posts:
acpk55 · 04/08/2023 11:47

This reply has been deleted

This user is a troll so we have deleted their posts and threads.

That’s it exactly !

, I’ve had 5 dates with 3 different women this year ( all over 50), not one proposed a date or location or paid for anything ( which doesn’t bother me), but the absolute lack of any effort is so disappointing,

Watchkeys · 04/08/2023 11:50

but the absolute lack of any effort is so disappointing

It's only disappointing because you expect them to make an effort. They are strangers. Have no expectations, and chuck anyone who doesn't do things the way you like. That's the whole point of dating; you get to walk away.

Bansheed · 04/08/2023 11:52

I met my fiance OLD when I was 47 and him 50. I had used it for 2 years, on and off and he was my 17th date. I knew the moment we shad a phone call (Day 3) he was different.

It really is a numbers game.

Ivegotsunshineinabag · 04/08/2023 11:57

If I had been texting someone for a few weeks and they wanted to phone me to talk about their bad day I would answer them an emoji and hope to avoid that conversation too.
Hell no to being their repository for negativity so early on in a relationship.

The first few weeks should be for fun only, use your family for talking through bad days.

acpk55 · 04/08/2023 12:23

@Watchkeys , yep that’s exactly what I do , no effort after 2 dates and in the bin they go

acpk55 · 04/08/2023 12:28

Ellena646 · 04/08/2023 11:33

Oh I don't know, someone who has been texting for weeks and fancies hearing a voice when they are away, or wants to just see how your day has been especially if it's been a rough one... I've had experiences with BFs when I've left a voice mail saying I've had a very bad day and I get a WA emoji back, I mean come on...

Show quote history

I think if I had been talking to someone for a few weeks and they started to unload their bad days on me, I would want to avoid them as well really first few weeks are supposed to be happy and upbeat, no emotional unloading , after 6 months maybe 🤷🏼

Museya15 · 04/08/2023 12:36

reading these comments OLD just sounds like mature men and women meeting up for some sex. No wonder very little comes out of it.

Watchkeys · 04/08/2023 12:40

Museya15 · 04/08/2023 12:36

reading these comments OLD just sounds like mature men and women meeting up for some sex. No wonder very little comes out of it.

Lots comes out of it. Many people are happily married now, and met via OLD.