Dh had a lapdance. I feel broken

[Rabbithole90]

I always thought I would be ok if he ever did it. Never goaded him doing it whatsoever or encouraged but he's come home from a stag do and spent OUR money on it. £40.

I feel cheated on. I know I've not been. But I can't help how I feel. I'm so upset

Did you discuss with him before hand that you thought you’d be ok with it?

Did he tell you?

I would count it as cheating.

I don’t blame you. Your husband has paid for a naked woman to gyrate at him. Absolutely gross, and I’d kick mine out for it.

Don’t let him minimise it, the disrespectful bastard.

I'd feel cheated on too - so sorry Op. How did you find out? Those circumstances would depend on what happens next for me.

How would he feel if you spent 40 quid for a male stripper to gyrate, naked in front of you?

Wrong on so many levels.

Cheating to me is my oh even looking at another woman 👩

I wouldn’t like it either op, it’s hard. Did you talk about it before hand and say you didn’t like the idea of lapdances?

I honestly think I’d end my long term relationship over that. I couldn’t get over it. So if you feel you’ve been cheated on, you have.

I would be well pissed off and disgusted especially because of him spending 'our money'. Ask him how he would feel if you did that. Ask him what made him think it's was ok to do that especially with your money. Ask him if he thinks it was a good decision. I would tell him to pay me £20 back. Not sure if any of above would help me feel any less gross but at least I would try to make him reconsider his thinking process.

I’m so sorry. I would feel awful too.
There will be women along in a minute to tell you you’re overreacting and overthinking, but I think I’d feel the same way. It’s an undefinable thing in a way, this jealousy and sadness.
I‘d struggle to get past it. I would, but it would take a long time.
Has he apologised? Does he know you’re upset?

Well first things first. Go and spend some money on yourself just because you can. It's pretty immature and something a brain dead arsehole would do. I'd be pissed too, but it's not cheating. Make him sweat a bit but it's not worth ruining your relationship for, unless you want too?

He told me. I think he knew it would get out if he didn't tell me. I'm shocked. Just shocked. I don't know how I'll sleep tonight. I just feel cheated on

He's asking me why I'm being off. The DC are here, I don't want to air anything with them in earshot

🙄🙄🙄🙄

I think the answer to his question might be, ‘Why the fuck do you fucking think, idiot?’

Jesus.

Really?

Leave him

Hang on in there till the kids are asleep.

You'll get some 'cool' posters who will say it's ok, but I agree with you. It's no different than having any woman perform naked for him. If he minimises it, ask how it's different from a female neighbour or friend doing it for him. Yes, for the woman it's different, it's a stripper's job, but for the man it's the same.

Goodness.

I would be absolutely livid! However i reckon he will try and say that its no big deal everyone did it as it was a stag do!

Correction - Cheating to me is my oh looking lustily at another attractive woman.

Have you had a convo with him and told him before hand you're not ok with it? I'm not sure what you mean by goaded

So you can give another man a lapdance then? Provided he pays you £40?

What's his answer to that?

I'd be off tbh. Fuck that bullshit. He's disgusting.

Sorry OP. I would also feel the same. It’s just really disrespectful and quite frankly, gross. Why is it ok to have a barely clothed woman gyrate on you just because you are paying for it? It wouldn’t be ok if no money was exchanged. Baffling.

The Mumsnetters who’d be “cool” with this would be disappointed if their own daughters earned a living that way.

But it’s ok for working-class folks’ daughters and trafficked teens to do it.

There’s loads wrong with what he’s done.