Dh had a lapdance. I feel broken

[Rabbithole90]

I always thought I would be ok if he ever did it. Never goaded him doing it whatsoever or encouraged but he's come home from a stag do and spent OUR money on it. £40.

I feel cheated on. I know I've not been. But I can't help how I feel. I'm so upset

@Troyton you sound like my DH.

I got laughed at on here because I told posters my DH went back to the hotel to play cards with the another one of the group not interested.

I was told over and over he way lying to me but it’s just not his thing.

Quite - what's not normal is never finding anyone else attractive ever again! That's just weird. People don't die from the waist down the minute they commit to a partner!!! Doesn't mean they are going to act on it ffs!

Some perspective, please!! I can’t believe some of the comments. He was on a stag do and spent £40….big deal!!!!

He actually had the gall to ask why you were off. Fuck me!!! 😐

Would you see a Dream Boys / Magic Mike type of show?
Perhaps it's not that different? He paid for entertainment.

Perhaps have an open discussion about boundaries and see if you can be on the same page going forward.

A) it’s completely different and B) it’s still grim.

The term snowflake is just awful. Used in such a weaponised and blasé way. People have different beliefs and boundaries to yours. There's no need to insult them.

It wouldn’t bother me at all.

BUT it bothers you and you just need to decide how much. Only you know if you can get over it.

Would you see a Dream Boys / Magic Mike type of show?
Perhaps it's not that different?

They don't get you to grind on their naked lap, wise up

You always get ppl consenting on these threads who literally have no clue what a lap dance consists of. But insist on commenting.

In what way is it different? And what part of that bothers you?

@TheoTheopolis23 have you actually been to a male strip show? Grinding on laps is a huge part of the act.

the doormen make sure they're not touched

This is not true. They make sure the women aren’t harassed or touched inappropriately but plenty of strippers invite touches during the dances.

I wish people would wise up.

In a very pedestrian strip club in Birmingham two men I know had lapdances and the stripper allowed their breasts and arse to be touched.

100%

He paid for entertainment.

Lol.

If entertainment consists of stripping naked, dancing in an entirely sexual manner and then grinding their naked arse and vulva over your genitals through your clothes ( the recipient often gets boobs in their face too)..

Seriously...

Have you ever been to a Dream Boys show? Full of rabid hungry women 🤣

I personally think although I wouldn't particularly like it, I wouldn't be distraught about it - it's a meaningless bit of stag do fun, the same as I've been to hen parties where they've had strippers (which to be fair, I've found gross and super cringe!). It wouldn't be a huge deal for me.
I think the context does change things. It's a job for the lap dancer, and one of those stupid stag do lad things, not a girl he's had his eye on for a while that he plans to take to bed later type thing. For that to happen IRL there would have to be an intention or a connection. In this instance, the lads are in a strip bar on a one off night out, and lap dances are what you get there. The way I see it it's the least likely scenario to result in actual cheating (for me that's kissing, any form of sex, or emotional attachment to someone) because it's so... I dunno... Arranged? Anyway that's just my view. Probs get flamed for it.

It wouldn't bother me, personally. He's not about to go off with her!

But I would have made that plain in advance. If I said I didn't feel comfortable with something and they still did it, I'd be upset. So I think it is relevant if he had the impression that you wouldn't mind. Because then that really is a betrayal to me.

If you previously suggested / implied you'd be OK with this, then it's absolutely fine to feel differently when it actually happened, but perhaps worth bearing in mind your DH may have genuinely thought you woukd be OK with it

They only pull a couple of women out of the audience and/or pick a couple in the front row.

Every audience member is not having the equivalent of a lap dance .... Don't be ridiculous.

(And yes, Ive been to strip shows and had private male lap dances).

Omg genitals under clothes 🤣

@Northernsouloldies

Did they exist over 30 years ago. Remember then appearing in droves around 2000.

Anyway, pedantic. Not picking on you but not sure that answered the question. 🙃

Young and stupid ok, that's context. But wwwwhhhhhyyyyy? As in... in the first place - for fun, sexiness, peer pressure, like live porn... just curious, from the horses mouth.

Well unfortunately for them, most of them don't get a naked drram.boy grinding then on his lap for 5 mins.

So what does it fkg matter.

I'm assuming you mean lustfully rather than lustily and I am interested as to how you define this. We all look, I am sure you look at other people, I know I have when I have been in a relationship, it is human nature. It is whether we act on this or do it all the time and in such a way that it is disrespectful and undermining to our partner

It wouldn't bother me and my OH knows it wouldn't bother me BUT is has bothered you and your feelings are valid and normal. I am sure he already knew your feelings on it but went ahead a did it anyway or did you discuss it beforehand. If he went against your wishes or did it knowing how strongly you felt..that is completely different.
In fairness I have seen male strippers gyrate and dangle their bits over girls or have them eat bananas out of their jocks at a million 21st's and 40th'ss in my time. Nothing different except someone else paid for it for you.

Most hen dos I’ve been on have consisted of half naked men grinding up against women.

These magic Mike shows also have men grinding on women too.

Many stag and hen dos have some sort of strippers involved and it’s to be expected when going on one.

If you have a problem with your DP being involved then you communicate it beforehand.
But if you don’t you can’t expect them to be a mind reader.

I would be really annoyed if my DP was upset with me getting a dance off a man whose job it was and who I was just having fun with.