Yeah, it's appalling. People will say it's hard being late thirties because men want younger women, but honestly...I have NEVER found dating apps any good. Even when I was a conventionally attractive, fit 28-year-old, I found it an utterly depressing, grim experience. I did indeed meet a lot of those 30-something men looking for a younger woman to have kids with, and it made me feel like a rent-a womb or something. Like they got to have their fun and live their lives and then wanted me to give up my life and become a mum on their timeline. Maybe some women are happy with that, but I wasn't. I wanted an actual partner, an equal.
I think Gods honest truth is that most men are just awful. They don't really see women as people, but more like objects or possessions. Even looking around at colleagues, friends' partners...most of them are awful as well. I watch them texting without a care in the world as their partners are run ragged around them, holding babies while trying to tidy up. I watch them sitting, sullen and monosyllabic, in restaurants while their lovely female partners are desperately trying to maintain a conversation. Most men don't seem to like women, at all. They just seem to tolerate them so they can get sex, kids, and other things they feel entitled to.
I have only had one good relationship in my life, where I genuinely felt we were truly best mates, and even he turned out to be an absolute tosser...got a promotion, got into fitness, and suddenly felt he was too good for me after nearly a decade. I just feel like I'm done with it. I'm not looking anymore, I'm just living my life, travelling, doing whatever I want, and if I meet someone, great. Trawling through apps is just destructive for my mental health. I'd rather be developing myself, my hobbies, learning new skills, making money. My life has come on leaps and bounds since I decided to just be independent and focus on myself. Wish I'd done it sooner.