Dating is awful

[Corastiredmummy]

Just wondered how many other women in their late 30s absolutely despise dating in this era?
It seems most men just want you to either send them naked pictures or go on a first 'date' at their house. That is not date. That is a scene from a movie where the woman doesn't return home.
Guys on dating apps are total time wasters, or you meet them and they don't look like their pictures (and you've made an effort with hair washing/doing your makeup).
I'm 38, I look after myself very well, I'm successful....but sadly I live in Hull and it seems most of the men here are not at all what I'm after. I'm so over it :(

Everything men do wrong is women's fault. It's very simple really.

I’m extremely selective about who I swipe/respond to though. The slightest hint of a player or a man who fancies himself goes straight in the rejection pile.

I read this a lot... It seems that many women can largely navigate away from knobs on OLD if they're picky when it comes to marches, and unmatch at the first sign of anything remotely dodgy.

Gosh this has got heated !

i still stand by my opinion that the fairly ordinary men who send the smutty stuff so quickly don’t have that much success 🤷‍♀️
this is why there are so many of them and they are always online ! They act fast , and send messages late night whilst having a lonely wank

and that pretty any decent looking woman could pop on a tinder profile with certain wording and be banging someone tonight , easily

nonetheless its a rather grim state of affairs

Unfortunately, I don't think OLD really serves many people well these days. I'm writing this from a male perspective, and I appreciate that a lot of women have to put up with creeps, unsolicited nudes, etc.

But I think often that it is worth considering the average man's experience on OLD too. There was a video I saw on YouTube this week that explained in a really interesting way how few matches/likes most men tend to receive on OLD.

Just reading you comments and you realise how common this experience is - and how it can make a lot of people feel undesirable and like something is wrong with them.

Now, I'm not writing this as a "oh, poor men" type of thing. But I think a lot of men are realising just how futile OLD is, due to a combination of factors as mentioned in the video - such as there being far more men on dating apps than women, women being more selective in who they send likes to, etc.

I write from my own perspective in that I've totally given up on them - and I think an increasing number of men are too, because of how futile it is. As such, most the men you tend to find on OLD will typically be men who get a lot of attention from women/casual sex, and can therefore get away with behaving in disgusting ways.

It's maybe something you'll roll your eyes at - but I think it is genuinely much better to prioritise meeting someone through the 'old fashioned' way - joining clubs, activities, etc, than relying on OLD.

Because OLD really is the pits - not just for women, but for a hell of a lot of men too.

It's a valid question.

Parents, IMO, especially mothers need to talk more to their children about the dangers. While we still have 'cool' mums on MN saying that there isn't anything wrong with it, we aren't going to combat it.

See here - https://www.childrenscommissioner.gov.uk/blog/growing-up-with-pornography-advice-for-parents-and-schools/

Here's a question for you - why do so many men think that their success on OLD will be improved by sending a random unsolicited dick pic to a women they've just said 'hello' to 3 minutes ago? Is this a strategy or something?

I mean, I'm sure it isn't easy for guys either, but many of them don't help themselves with their gross behaviour...

I agree! Men may not get as many likes but the ones they do, they mess it up by sending dick pics or asking for nudes immediately. Its cold comfort for women to get loads of likes if the majority of them come across as gross pervs

Here's a question for you - why do so many men think that their success on OLD will be improved by sending a random unsolicited dick pic to a women they've just said 'hello' to 3 minutes ago?

good question

I think the (some ) of the guys that do this have given up
as evidenced by that YouTube linked above

they have no hope they will meet someone nice

so the apps are wanking fodder
and also self sabotage ironically

I think this is making excuses for these men. Sending someone an unsolicited dick pic is a pattern of gross behaviour, its not because they're just so disappointed that they cant find a decent, genuine relationship. By that rationale, you could argue that men who expose themselves to random women are just unlucky in love

It's a valid question.

No, it's a sexist and unintelligent question that abdicates men from all responsibility. It didn't even occur to you to consider whether fathers might be failing their duty and blames women for the failings of adult men. And pretending you just want to combat the problem, claiming virtuous motives, just makes it even more sexist and unintelligent.

I think this is making excuses for these men

🤷‍♀️
well it’s happening all the bloody time
and I’m not excusing them !

but the question was why ? And think this Is likely why

Please read my answer again.

I said Parents, IMO, especially mothers because in most families it is the mothers that have the biggest input with their kids because they spend more time with them.

And moving on from that, why do parents allow kids to have Smartphones at age 9 "to keep them safe and communicate with parents?" A basic Nokia 3310 or Doro is all they need at that age.

Sorry, I don't agree.
Online dating is a great way to meet new people from around the world.

Oh, I've never sent a dick pic.

I think this is making excuses for these men.

This thread is all about making excuses for shitty men. From blaming mothers to blaming women who engage in casual sex. Men are shit because women didn't raise them right or refrain from consensual adult sex.

That these people try to claim a fig leaf of just wanting to combat the problem or having concern for women's safety - after they've let the mask slip by calling women "loose" and referring to "mothers failing their duty" - makes it insulting as opposed to merely ignorant and sexist. But then, the other day we had a thread full of people claiming that it was hatred against men if they are made to pay a nominal amount of child support for their own children, even if they had a contraception failure. Women and the state hate men if they don't take more responsibility for their actions than they do and provide them with risk and consequence free sex.

You can't reason with this level of misogyny. It's absolutely disgusting.

Because you said they have no hope they will meet someone nice. I have done online dating and its happened multiple times where I was getting on with a man well, we hadnt met yet but were talking about it, having nice chats and then BOOM- an unwanted dick pic. It instantly killed any attraction I had to them and I blocked them immediately and on talking to my friends, who also online date, this is common. So, if they really want to meet someone nice then they need to cut out cyber flashing women who dont want it because they are the ones ruining it for themselves. If they cant meet anyone nice its entirely their own stupid fault.

@DrSbaitso You can't reason with this level of misogyny. It's absolutely disgusting.

So what's your answer to this perceived misogyny ???

I can read your answer all day. It's still sexist and unintelligent and you can't work out why. Because you're so ingrained in women being to blame for everything that you aren't capable of asking why women have the biggest input with their kids and whether this might be related to the same unintelligent sexism that results in people blaming shit men on women not raising them right. Because men are so not responsible for anything they do, we don't even question why they're not part of the question.

It's literally the definition of unintelligent sexism, perpetuating itself over and over. The fact you can't see it due to that same unintelligent sexism would be funny if it weren't so serious.

What's the answer to not blaming women for men's failings?

Is this a serious question?

Oh hang on. Unintelligent sexism. Yes, it actually is.

God I'm tired.

@DrSbaitso you aren't capable of asking whywomen have the biggest input with their kids

I am quite capable of asking the question and so need to be rude.

Because usually men are at work providing for a family. They may not get home until after the kids are in bed etc.
Responsible dads don't slob around the house all day.

So how do we tackle it?

I love how you clearly ask this as if it's an impossible question that's so going to get me.

We could start by not blaming mothers for the failings of grown men, while not even noticing that we haven't mentioned fathers or asked why they're less involved.

We could stop using disgusting slurs for women who have consensual adult sex that we don't approve of and then pretending we were just worried about their safety.

We could stop asking sexist, unintelligent questions that scream their unintelligent sexism in neon lights by blatantly blaming women for shit men and don't even notice that they've left men out of the equation completely.

But you're not going to, are you?

I agree with everything you’ve said here. The ingrained misogyny is frightening. And I see we’ve a new variation of the ‘cool wives’ slur now, we’ve ‘cool mothers’. It’s always the woman’s fault apparently.
People talk about men hating women but some women really hate other women, particularly those what dare to do things differently or have alternative opinions to them.

Your post is a personal attack on both myself and other posters on this thread.

If you haven't anything constructive to say may I suggest you direct your venom elsewhere, preferably another board.

I have reported your comments and asked for your a/c to be deleted, as you seem incapable of rational unemotive discussion.

*who, not what

Surely it's a quick way of filtering out women who aren't interested in sex as against those who are. Nothing quicker than a dick pic to sort them out. The ones who keep in contact are worth pursuing for them.

It's a bit like fraudsters doing cold calling by phone, the sooner they realise they're not going to con you, the sooner they can move to the next victim rather than waste their time.

Yes, it's an awful way of doing things, but you can understand it really.