Dating is awful

[Corastiredmummy]

Just wondered how many other women in their late 30s absolutely despise dating in this era?
It seems most men just want you to either send them naked pictures or go on a first 'date' at their house. That is not date. That is a scene from a movie where the woman doesn't return home.
Guys on dating apps are total time wasters, or you meet them and they don't look like their pictures (and you've made an effort with hair washing/doing your makeup).
I'm 38, I look after myself very well, I'm successful....but sadly I live in Hull and it seems most of the men here are not at all what I'm after. I'm so over it :(

So happy for you! It's lovely to have someone who makes you happy ♥️

Thank you so much. I really hope you find your special person soon too!

fact is for women sex is very very easy to get online and actually ironically it’s less easy for men

Yes... it's bizarre when some posters imply it's the other way round, and that mediocre men have their pick of women throwing themselves at them!

You sound awesome, I love your approach!! ♥️

I love this and I think you're right. I'm going to delete them and never return. They aren't good for you and they waste time that could be so much better spent.
It's positive to see that there are many other women like me who'd like to meet someone decent and we haven't completely turned into a society where people just jump from bed to bed. I've had one night stands and I hate them. The only person who gets anything from them is the man (I saw one other reply taking about the orgasm gap and it's very true).
I worked on building sites in my 20s and when I look back I am utterly disgusted by the behaviour I witnessed. Even the unassuming 'happily married' ones would try it on during work nights out.
Maybe I should date women....or just be celibate 🙈

That's amazing, so happy you met someone and have a beautiful baby to boot. You shouldn't regret a thing, who knows who might've come along and gotten in the way of you meeting the person you're with now 😁

It's positive to see that there are many other women like me who'd like to meet someone decent and we haven't completely turned into a society where people just jump from bed to bed

Lots of women are like you OP, you aren't special! It isn't the case that the majority of women are content with just having one night stands with men they meet on dating apps.

I lived in Sydney too! I left when I was 27 because I knew I was ready to settle down and wanted to be near my family to do so 😊 I never had a bf the 3.5 years I was there but I wasn't looking, I loved being single and hanging out with friends or just enjoying my own time. I don't know why I care now, come to think of it 🤔 haha

An eyelash in a bucket of diarrhoea 😂😂😂 I'm dead 😂😂😂
It's so true though! I've got pretty high standards as I want to meet someone on my level but the standards on dating apps, well, there are no standards 🙈😆

@ilyana totally agree !!!!

I'm not sure porn is the problem. Because many many women also watch porn. But who knows. There certainly seems to be an expectation that you'll at least tell them how you like it, send photos that you wouldn't want your dad to see, etc. There could be a link. I mean, most pornography depicts women to enjoy being treated like a piece of sh1t just there to be pounded senseless. If men are watching this often perhaps they come to think women are wired in that way but mostly, we aren't.

ilyana
I think Gods honest truth is that most men are just awful. They don't really see women as people, but more like objects or possessions. Even looking around at colleagues, friends' partners...most of them are awful as well. I watch them texting without a care in the world as their partners are run ragged around them, holding babies while trying to tidy up. I watch them sitting, sullen and monosyllabic, in restaurants while their lovely female partners are desperately trying to maintain a conversation. Most men don't seem to like women, at all. They just seem to tolerate them so they can get sex, kids, and other things they feel entitled to.

Sadly, the older I get the more I agree with this.

I heard it described one time as 'supporting actress syndrome' - women are only ever supposed to fit around mens wants and needs, and not really considered as fully human in our own right (by that I mean, that we are allowed to have our own wants and needs equally fulfilled and validated, that our time is valuable and important etc). We are there to serve them, and to support (and tidy up after) them, prop up their ego, etc. etc.

Most women I know in long term relationships are compromising massively, and even though many of them earn the same as, or more than their husband/partner, they do the vast majority of the cooking/cleaning/ household/kids stuff. Meanwhile the guy plans his next weekend away with the lads, leaving her at home run ragged.

So many men never left the 1950s in their expectations of a wife/partner, even though they no longer financially support the household in the same way.

I do too, I feel you (sending you one now! Haha)
I was in a relationship after my husband and it was fireworks but it ended and was extremely painful. I don't want him as he was cruel beyond belief, but I do want the fireworks again, the closeness, someone to cuddle into and watch a movie, someone to cook a lovely dinner for. My mum gave me the best advice ever though and that was to only give your love where you get it back (hence I ended my last relationship, even though it hurt like hell). So now my beautiful little girl gets more love than she probably even wants 😂 Not that this will change if/when I meet someone, of course.
It sounds like you are an amazing mum and juggling a lot ♥️

yep, real "slut shaming" - you do get this with women sometimes- I don't find it attractive, makes the insulter seem insecure to me.

Yes I've yet to receive any interesting pictures from prospective female partners .
Nor would I send any unsolicited pictures .
I cringe at some of the tales the girls have told me .
I just make them laugh and for the most part let them take the lead as a lot of women seem quite understandably cautious.
I've had a few dates but I'm no hurry to return to on line dating .
I have a few female friends perhaps my best friend is a female. I find it easy to talk to women as years go by I enjoy their company more and more .I guess that's why I'm on here .
But I also have a few good male friends too

Love this. I'm also completely unapologetic for my opinion. The irony is people having an absolute fit because you have an opinion and telling you that you're the issue because you can't tolerate other views or lifestyle choices....but they're the ones saying you're not allowed to feel that way or that you're bad for your opinion.
Hypocrisy at its finest!

I suppose it’s easier blame other women for their own lack of success at dating than to spend any time in self-reflection. The latter may prove uncomfortable whereas the former allows for a smug sense of superiority.

@IslaSkywalker is he hot?! 😂

I think there's a lot of butt-hurt men on this thread (and others) loving the chance to dig their boot in any chance they get. Just ignore.

Thing is op, some women really like sex. And that's why they have sex with men they don't know. Because they enjoy it.

Nooooooo. G’way with that kinda talk! Women have casual sex with men cos the patriarchy has made them think they’re empowered by doing so. Women don’t actually enjoy sex, they only think they do cos men and so-called feminists have told them that they do. What they actually need to do is admit that they only have sex in return for exclusivity and certain standards of behaviour in men. (But don’t call that transactional or else people will get offended 🙄)

I’m older than you and it doesn’t get any better. I’m fact I’ve started calling out these idiots when they ask for my number or ask if I’m “open minded about sex” etc

This is so far from what anyone is saying that it's almost funny.

People have expressed offence. That's what happens when you say offensive things. It's perfectly possible not to want casual sex without resorting to insulting women who do with misogynistic, 5000-year-old prejudices that come dangerously close to blaming women for being attacked by men. You have a desire not to have casu sex - why is that not a good enough reason on its own not to do it?

As for the self-congratulation for your supposed bravery in restating a zillion-year-old stereotype that predates the Bible and comes with about 200 sexist words in modern language because that's how popular it is...do me a lemon. You're offensive but that doesn't make you unusual. At best it makes you disappointing.

@sammylady37 I have not once on this thread 'blamed' women for the behaviour of men. You, being argumentative, have completely twisted what I have said to make it sound like I judge women for having sex. I DO NOT. My point was that men on dating apps expect EVERY women to behave like this. And forming a connection with someone is damn near impossible because they've come to expect women to send them pictures or talk filth to them. And I will not do that, because I have the good sense to know that those conversations and images could be used anywhere, anytime. Additionally, I do not need the validation of a man telling me that my 'pic got him hard' or some other bollocks he like spews to all the other women who are silly enough to send pictures (that could easily end up online for millions of others to see too).
The term 'loose' was being used to example the mindset of people who will meet and fuck a person they know absolutely nothing about. Not to describe anything physical, which would indeed be somewhat crass. I will not apologise for using this term, nor do I take it back.
You talk about me judging people (which I HAVE NOT done) and not accepting other people's lifestyle choices but YOU are the one making a judgement about me. Twisting everything I write to make it sound like I'm some kind of nun perched up high calling anyone who has sex a slut. Which again, I AM NOT. It seems like you just want an argument, so go on ahead and send another essay, I know you're just dying to respond because it is YOU who cannot abide another's point of view. YOU who is judging and trying to twist what I am saying. YOU who has chosen to take one small aspect of the post and try and blow it up to fill your time and manipulate the meaning behind it to make me out to be a bad person.
I'll repeat it for you: I AM NOT BLAMING WOMEN FOR THE BEHAVIOUR OF MEN AND I DO NOT JUDGE WOMEN FOR HAVING ONE NIGHT STANDS BUT I DO JUDGE MEN FOR BEHAVING LIKE FUCKING ANIMALS. I hope that was loud enough.

'Pauses for reflection'
Success at dating in my 30s. Loads. Culminating in a 12 year marriage 2 amazing kids. But one divorce after he left to be happy (and poorer)
More reflection.
Me: Financial security, great career, fitness better than I've ever had when younger.
Success at dating now. Zero. Reflects on reasons- likely manifold and diverse.
My views on women who offer up sex in a plate and on benefit fiddlers.
Pauses to reflect.
Yep, these women are still loose with poor self regard, and benefit fiddlers are still fraudulent layabouts.