Dating is awful

[Corastiredmummy]

Just wondered how many other women in their late 30s absolutely despise dating in this era?
It seems most men just want you to either send them naked pictures or go on a first 'date' at their house. That is not date. That is a scene from a movie where the woman doesn't return home.
Guys on dating apps are total time wasters, or you meet them and they don't look like their pictures (and you've made an effort with hair washing/doing your makeup).
I'm 38, I look after myself very well, I'm successful....but sadly I live in Hull and it seems most of the men here are not at all what I'm after. I'm so over it :(

Urgh, you arent wrong OP. I have friends going through this and I'm honestly appalled by what theyve told me. Expectation of nude pics after simply saying hello, dick pics being sent before they've even met IRL. Men starting conversations then ghosting with no explanation then popping back up three months later with a pathetic "hey!"- minimal effort, yet expecting the woman to gush all over them and be grateful for their "hey". Its pathetic.

Someone once told me that online dating is like looking for an eyelash in a bucket of diarrhoea and I agree. Sadly, I think the only way to navigate it (if you still want to) is rock solid boundaries, binning anyone who exhibits the merest hint of a red flag, and preparing yourself that it may tale a very long time to encounter someone decent.

Thank you for all your comments - there are loads of amazing women on this thread. Lots of the advice is to get out and about which I do just as much as I can. I go to the gym, out with friends/family to quizzes, the races, lunch, dinner and I'm a singer, so I even gig most weekends! Hell, i even got chatting to a guy in the supermarket the other week - we actually went on a date but he turned out to be a lazy waster fiddling the system to claim disability benefits - made me so mad as I work unbelievably hard!
I think a break from these awful, soul sucking apps is the way to go.
I don't need a guy, I just love the feeling when you're all giddy and pathetic for someone, it's the best feeling in the world. And everything in the world is tailored to couples, even going on holiday I get charged a pissing supplement for being single, like it's a punishment!
But my life is awesome and very fulfilled overall, it'd just be so nice to have that cherry on the top.

@Dinofuror that isn't a reference to someone's physicality. It's a reference to the mindset of people who would go to a strangers house purely for sex.

Absolutely. I’m selective, don’t swipe for many and only reply to the ones who seem articulate and chatty. And still they revert to sexual talk within s few days.

it’s the slimmest of slim pickings out there when you’re 50+ and still full of wannabe players despite their age.

I go out a lot in RL too but just don’t seem to meet anyone.

Op I also noticed and grimaced at some comments

if people want to fuck strangers so what ? Leave them to it , you don’t have to make a moral judgement on them !

i think many men online have actually given up on having anything serious

but as a PP said it’s all about the filtering
There are ways to filter out the people so you can chat with the 1/100 who might be decent

But approaching it with men are vile pigs ain’t the best mindset

@strof - that's interesting - please give me the "men over 50" perspective!

he turned out to be a lazy waster fiddling the system to claim disability benefits

Its exceptionally hard to get disability benefits if you aren't actually disabled or unwell. Perhaps if you were less judgemental of people you might have more luck? You sound pretty hideous to be honest, maybe people pick up these vibes.

@sammylady37 have you got any daughters? And if you do, if they told you they'd met a guy online and were going to his house, would you or would you not question, dare I say JUDGE her lifestyle choices? Yes, you would. So sick of virtue signalling bullshit.
There was a time when only escorts or prostitutes did this, nowadays guys just expect it.

This with knobs on. Thank you for articulating what I have been feeling.

He TOLD me he was doing work on the side you muppet.

There was a time when only escorts or prostitutes did this, nowadays guys just expect it.

And this is the reason why OLD is shit. Grindr was on the market before Tinder and a lot of straight men really wanted this to be the equivalent (no strings sex on tap). For a small minority of women maybe it’s exciting and satisfying being with a man you’ve never met before, but we’ll all get asked.

I can do the "men over 50" perspective and I am in the same place as Strof

We don't get the creeps and sexual fantasists that women get. Nor do we get fanny pics or asked to send naked photos of ourselves.

There are, however a lot of insincere women on the site I was on - some appear to be escorts and there are more than a few who seem to be interested in what you can pay for.

I'm not the most attractive bloke in the world but am educated, have a good job and a wide range of interests. I genuinely enjoy female company.

It's been a bugger finding anyone normal though and I've given up with the OLD.

I think it's probably just as frustrating for the regular guys out there although not in the same way.

Thanks @ManAboutTown - had not been aware of these issues for men of a certain age - I guess we all have our challenges.

I saw a local online speed dating event on Meetup - but for age 25-40.

Would be so much better if there was something like that for 50's, for those of us who don't meet many people in day to day life.

Women can do what the hell they want, sleep with whomever they want, you wanna have 3 guys in a weekend, you go for it darling. The problem is, men now seem to expect this and their online behaviour and attitude towards women is going down the pan.
We're meant to have come a long way following the Me Too movement but honestly, when you try online dating it feels like we're back in the stone ages where fellas just want to drag you into their cave.

I'm married but if anything happened I don't think I'd bother looking for anyone else; it sounds awful. Men are entitled and behave like this because our society has told them they're important and can have what they want. I've seen women I've known desperate for male attention and fawning over hopeless, thick, charmless men, because they're, well, men. It's shocking that for some women any man will do, as long as they've got one. I'm hoping these women are in the minority now, and society moves on from the notion that you have to be coupled up. It's damaging for women, when men have to make zero effort to even be a decent person.

I've stopped bothering. It's not worth my energy.

The problem is, men now seem to expect this and their online behaviour and attitude towards women is going down the pan

id say this attitude isn’t due to ‘loose women’

its pornhub and the availability of 100% free online porn
It’s online culture
covid and forced isolation didn’t help either

I've stopped bothering. I have aa adult disabled daughter at home who needs a lot of support still, and adding consideration for that as well as actually finding a decent man overall seems impossible. One man (that I met irl, when DD was still a teenager) said after 6 dates "she's been trying to come between us from the start".
Ditched.
Didn't envisage spending the bulk of my life single. I miss hugs.

This was pretty much my MO when I was OLD.

I lost count of the number of times I walked out of dates/dinners/parties because of bad behaviour on the part of someone who I thought should have known better.

Sometimes men just try to push your boundaries, other times they're just £wa£$.

While this was going on I met my now DH socially, so don't give up that side of things.

Good luck.

Wow. I’m not sure such a venomous bile-filled post warrants a response, or that you’re capable of taking opposing views on board, but I’ll give it a go anyway 🤷‍♀️

No, I don’t have daughters. I am a women and I have female friends, I have sisters and nieces. If I or they were going to a strange man’s house for sex, I’d consider it unwise and unsafe, but I wouldn’t be casting judgement on their morals or using such vile terms as ‘loose women’ or ‘slag’ (which I’ve seen on another thread this morning). Not everyone imbues sex with moral value and think it’s something that should only be within the confines of a committed relationship.

You talk about feeling like we’re back in the dark ages, yet you’re the one with the attitude that women should be the gatekeepers of sex and that those dreadful loose women who give it up easily and early are just ruining things for those of you who are not ‘loose’ (would you object to being called ‘tight’? What is the opposite of a ‘loose woman’ in your mind?) You seem to think women should withhold sex and that this will force men to act differently. So sex is transactional to you. What it is exchanged for varies. What’s that you were saying about escorts and prostitutes?

I go to some dance music events and I’ve witnessed these very average charmless mediocre men having women throw themselves at them and almost come to blows competing for their attention because women at these events outnumber men 3/4 to 1.
And these are not the ‘adult weekends’ they’re supposed to be for lovers of the music. And these are not young people, most are late 40’s to late 50’s. It’s honestly like a cattle market.

So I can see why these men do think they’re kids on a sweet shop.

'I think Gods honest truth is that most men are just awful. They don't really see women as people, but more like objects or possessions. Even looking around at colleagues, friends' partners...most of them are awful as well. I watch them texting without a care in the world as their partners are run ragged around them, holding babies while trying to tidy up. I watch them sitting, sullen and monosyllabic, in restaurants while their lovely female partners are desperately trying to maintain a conversation. Most men don't seem to like women, at all. They just seem to tolerate them so they can get sex, kids, and other things they feel entitled to.'

This is spot on.

Op, when you're out next, properly look around you. See the men relaxing with their pint whilst the women are doing everything for their kids. See the middle aged man ogling the teenage girl walking down the street.

Men are not the route to happiness. That's the key learning point.

I've got a lovely male friend in Hull, Robbie age 42 ...

It's certainly different in your 50s to earlier in life. When I was 30 there were a lot of single friends and going to a bar or club was easy.

25 years on nearly all my male friends are in long term relationships or married (quite a few the second time round).

You just don't meet many potential partners in casual situations.. I was thinking of trying social / dining clubs - they're not really for dating but more in the hope of meeting a few new interesting people

Oh god, I'm reading more of the ops further comments now. Awful. It's you op.