Page 9 | Dating is awful

Corastiredmummy · 2023-07-21T21:02:52+00:00

Just wondered how many other women in their late 30s absolutely despise dating in this era? It seems most men just want you to either send them naked pictures or go on a first 'date' at their house. That is not date. That is a scene from a movie where the woman doesn't return home. Guys on dating apps are total time wasters, or you meet them and they don't look like their pictures (and you've made an effort with hair washing/doing your makeup). I'm 38, I look after myself very well, I'm successful....but sadly I live in Hull and it seems most of the men here are not at all what I'm after. I'm so over it :(

Hurtingnowq · 23/07/2023 17:40

I meant online dating was easier before the apps came along.

In the relatively early years, online dating was confined to match.com, guardian soulmates etc. It was generally far more civilised back then. Thoughtful long emails instead of quick text style msgs. No dick pics. Going on actual dates. Ghosting still existed and of course there were still players, chancers etc around. But generally it would considerably better than what it is now.

Hurtingnowq · 23/07/2023 17:40

It was*

DrSbaitso · 23/07/2023 17:51

Hurtingnowq · 23/07/2023 17:40

I meant online dating was easier before the apps came along.

In the relatively early years, online dating was confined to match.com, guardian soulmates etc. It was generally far more civilised back then. Thoughtful long emails instead of quick text style msgs. No dick pics. Going on actual dates. Ghosting still existed and of course there were still players, chancers etc around. But generally it would considerably better than what it is now.

No, people hated it before the apps as well. I remember.

SamW98 · 23/07/2023 17:52

Hurtingnowq · 23/07/2023 17:40

I meant online dating was easier before the apps came along.

In the relatively early years, online dating was confined to match.com, guardian soulmates etc. It was generally far more civilised back then. Thoughtful long emails instead of quick text style msgs. No dick pics. Going on actual dates. Ghosting still existed and of course there were still players, chancers etc around. But generally it would considerably better than what it is now.

I wasn’t on OLD back then but friends say it’s got far worse since the lockdowns.

Previously most people actually wanted to date, now a lot just do it to relieve the boredom or to find a casual shag.

TokyoStories · 23/07/2023 17:58

SamW98 · 23/07/2023 17:52

I wasn’t on OLD back then but friends say it’s got far worse since the lockdowns.

Previously most people actually wanted to date, now a lot just do it to relieve the boredom or to find a casual shag.

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Yes. I think one of the issues is that it takes 2 minutes to set up, if that. With OLD version 1.0 it took ages to set up a profile as there was a minimum character count, and usually quite a few fields you had to fill in. Plus it wasn’t based on location data of course… I live in a touristy town and it’s so irritating having to swipe through endless profiles of people passing through. I don’t even attempt it at weekends.

DrSbaitso · 23/07/2023 17:59

Lockdown got a lot of people into a kind of inertia and a lot of social skills were lost.

Hurtingnowq · 23/07/2023 18:03

DrSbaitso · 23/07/2023 17:51

No, people hated it before the apps as well. I remember.

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Oh that’s a shame
I really enjoyed it
and most of my friends met their other halves on match or soulmates
most if not all had good experiences

guineacup · 23/07/2023 18:43

Hurtingnowq · 23/07/2023 17:40

I meant online dating was easier before the apps came along.

In the relatively early years, online dating was confined to match.com, guardian soulmates etc. It was generally far more civilised back then. Thoughtful long emails instead of quick text style msgs. No dick pics. Going on actual dates. Ghosting still existed and of course there were still players, chancers etc around. But generally it would considerably better than what it is now.

Ok, yes, i agree with you on that.

Gruffaflo · 23/07/2023 18:50

I used to enjoy dating when I was younger. Meeting someone out and about, swapping numbers and then learning more about each other mainly in person or over the phone; I think even on the phone is a lot different to texting. Not that all of the men were decent, or that I didn't ever end up hurt, but for me personally I much preferred meeting men that way. Of course there were negatives but seems its swung too far the other way now; of course its good its less socially acceptable for men to make crude comments to women in pubs and clubs or whatever (although still happens), but lots of people are scared to talk to eachother out and about now hah.

Kazzyhoward · 23/07/2023 20:08

Meeting people in real life is a lot better than online. You get a better "feel" for personalities, etc. and I always think you can be more open in person as you pick up the social signals a lot better, facial expressions, body language, etc. I also think you can be more open and honest.

Remote, whether by phone in the old days, or online today, etc., has always felt "clunky" to me and personally, I never feel at ease, always thinking I'm "performing" and not being myself, always feeling I'm holding back. Even back in the day, I never felt fully comfortable talking to boyfriends on the phone - I far preferred face to face, and I do think you can "gel" far quicker with someone on your wavelength and can reject the ones who aren't much sooner without wasting time on them.

Kazzyhoward · 23/07/2023 20:12

@Gruffaflo

lots of people are scared to talk to each other out and about now

I think that's the case in everything, not just dating. My son has just graduated, and has barely made any friends at Uni other than his flatmates and a handful of people he's met through friends of friends. I find it really sad. Unless you're a party animal or into team sports, they just don't communicate. I've been on campus many times over the 3 years at various times of day, and it's sad to see the majority of students just wondering around, head in their phones, completely ignoring each other as they walk round. It seems the modern day "norm" is to basically ignore everyone unless you have something in common, so it removes the opportunity to meet different people with different interests etc.

User135644 · 23/07/2023 20:16

OLD only really works for the best looking men.

Women swipe right on the top 10% of men and ignore the rest. Much of those 10% use and discard women for easy sex. Most men barely get a match and within that you've got some really awful quality men in terms of how they carry themselves.

Very good looking men and women don't find it hard to meet anyone in person. The (good looking) men are invariably on there for casual sex and the women on there trying to drum up followers for Only Fans or Instagram. Both sexes get frustrated.

These sites are also set-up to keep people swiping. Tinder don't actually want people to get and stay together because then they won't use the app.

SamW98 · 23/07/2023 20:21

I socialise a lot and chat to people all the time when I’m out. The problem for me - being in my 50’s - is there’s a lot of men who chat and flirt but aren’t actually single.

Ive had a few friends meet someone in a bar, start seeing them and then find out there’s a wife at home.

strof · 23/07/2023 21:03

User135644 · 23/07/2023 20:16

OLD only really works for the best looking men.

Women swipe right on the top 10% of men and ignore the rest. Much of those 10% use and discard women for easy sex. Most men barely get a match and within that you've got some really awful quality men in terms of how they carry themselves.

Very good looking men and women don't find it hard to meet anyone in person. The (good looking) men are invariably on there for casual sex and the women on there trying to drum up followers for Only Fans or Instagram. Both sexes get frustrated.

These sites are also set-up to keep people swiping. Tinder don't actually want people to get and stay together because then they won't use the app.

Yes your probably right .the chancers always do well imo.not just on OLD least for a while
But when you strip back the veneer there isn't anything there to speak of.
Imo on OLD image is everything.
Regular not dick posters of the world guys unite 🤣🤣

Hurtingnowq · 23/07/2023 22:52

I’m told I’m very attractive and get lots of looks and stares when I’m out. Complimented often by friends and colleagues. Yet I hardly get any interest on Hinge 🤷‍♀️

TokyoStories · 24/07/2023 00:42

Hurtingnowq · 23/07/2023 22:52

I’m told I’m very attractive and get lots of looks and stares when I’m out. Complimented often by friends and colleagues. Yet I hardly get any interest on Hinge 🤷‍♀️

I had a similar issue with Hinge. I’ve never had a problem with getting matches and dates on Bumble but it was tumbleweed on Hinge for some reason.

SamW98 · 24/07/2023 07:25

TokyoStories · 24/07/2023 00:42

I had a similar issue with Hinge. I’ve never had a problem with getting matches and dates on Bumble but it was tumbleweed on Hinge for some reason.

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I find Hinge rubbish tbh. I’ve only been there a couple of weeks but had zero matches and only 2 likes

ProseccoOnTap · 24/07/2023 08:00

I'm trying Hinge at the moment - chatting to a few guys & we'll see where it goes.

Only doing it for a month as it's expensive & I can't bear the endless messaging!

Ohyeahwaitaminute · 24/07/2023 08:38

I’m in my mid 50s, and started OLD towards the end of the final lockdown. It proved to be quite useful, as the only way we could meet was to chat over the phone.

It proved to be a useful filter! I ‘met’ a range of men who had a really diverse set of qualities and jobs and hobbies. It meant neither of us had to leave home, and you could then work out if there was any kind of connection. I met up with the one who really made me laugh, and we dated for a few months.

Now back to being single and contemplating more OLD… but think a few phone conversations first are the way to go.

NoDatingFor0ldMen · 24/07/2023 08:55

Ohyeahwaitaminute · 24/07/2023 08:38

I’m in my mid 50s, and started OLD towards the end of the final lockdown. It proved to be quite useful, as the only way we could meet was to chat over the phone.

It proved to be a useful filter! I ‘met’ a range of men who had a really diverse set of qualities and jobs and hobbies. It meant neither of us had to leave home, and you could then work out if there was any kind of connection. I met up with the one who really made me laugh, and we dated for a few months.

Now back to being single and contemplating more OLD… but think a few phone conversations first are the way to go.

I’d agree with this, I met some women who were lovely and some who were not so much, but a face to face always helps

Ohyeahwaitaminute · 24/07/2023 09:50

@NoDatingFor0ldMen - oh I agree. F2F is definitely the way to go, but an initial chat weeded out a few weirdos and narrowed things down for me.

The ones that told me ALL about themselves, their achievements, their jobs ad nauseum and asked nothing about me got weeded out. Then there was one who wanted naked pictures of me. He was very brazen about it! Urgh.

The one I eventually dated was great fun, and after Covid, was like a breath of fresh air.

Bear in mind that at the time, meeting up was really quite hard due to lockdown… hence the phone calls.