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Original poster

OW encroaching

222 replies

Trifleguzzler · 15/07/2023 13:33

Hi all,
I haven't posted for ages but need some advice on this as I don't know what to do.
Bit of background, H left me for a much younger woman 4 years ago. It has taken me this long to heal from the trauma of it all. I was left to raise two SEN children totally alone while he shacked up with a girl half his age.

I didn't make anything difficult for him I cracked on best I could even though I was utterly devastated and was deeply depressed for quite a while. It was all very traumatic. Did the whole of lockdown totally alone, WFH full time and homeschooling.

Anyway, I have never met her. I keep them both at a distance and my children see him and her every other weekend.

My daughter has really struggled with the break up, along with starting secondary school ASD diagnosis. She was in a really bad way last year I honestly thought she would do something bad to herself. It has taken all my fight to get her on an even keel and she is finally at the end of year 8 doing okay.

Anyway, OW was sacked from her job 18 months ago, I don't know why but I didn't ask. And has been unemployed since, so I have been managing without any extra from Ex as he has been bank rolling her for the entire time.
She has now decided she is going to train as a teacher.
I found out last night she is doing it at my DD secondary school.

I feel so uncomfortable about it all mainly 'cause it feels like my terf as silly as that sounds, but I am quite involved with the school regarding my own job etc.
What also worries me is what information she will have access about me and my DD who has had intervention and counselling at school due to the divorce and OW situation.

I know I probably can't do anything about this. But I feel like she infiltrated my marriage and family and now she is working her way into the school life. She might end up teaching my friends kids and possibly my DS when he goes next year.

I just want to get on with my life and not have to worry about bumping into her on a daily basis while I collect my DS from the primary next door.

Anyway not sure what I am asking just needed to get it off my chest.

OP posts:
SemperIdem · 15/07/2023 14:00

I completely understand why you hate this latest development. There’s nothing you can do about it, and you know that, but it’s fine to vent here and be assured your feelings are totally normal and reasonable given the backstory.

ScoobyDoesnt · 15/07/2023 14:06

Agree with the PP, your feelings are totally understandable in the circumstances, but there is little you can do about the school situation.

However, your ex doesn't have the right to just withdraw financial support just because he has to pay more for OW. Assume maintence is not through the CMS but was agreed between you?

Thisisworsethananticpated · 15/07/2023 14:07

The thing with secondary is it’s so distanced compared to primary
so your paths crossing might be minimal

it’s a way off and I’d say to park it and handle IF and when it’s an issue
and it really might not be

will do her no harm to see how messed up teenager are either

you ex is a cunt isn’t he ? Not paying his way
totally cunt behaviour
especially with sen kids

onwards 💪

Original poster
Trifleguzzler · 15/07/2023 14:08

I know you're right😔 I asked ex if she would consider a different school and he just called me selfish and accused me of trying to ruin things for her. No matter what I will come across as a bitter and twisted ex wife.
All I want is to move on with my life and have a small bit of the world where they don't intrude my thoughts. It's been all consuming for so long and I was finally moving forward.

OP posts:
WhenIWasAFieldMyself · 15/07/2023 14:10

Unfortunately there will be little you can do to stop your ex's partner working at your daughter's school, particularly given that the children you have with your ex also now have a relationship with her (as you say they spend time with their dad and his partner regularly)
I do get that you feel uncomfortable, but as presumably your children have a decent enough relationship with her then maybe try to see it as a positive- an extra person at school looking out for your DD.

Darkandstormynite · 15/07/2023 14:11

Why are you not going through CMS for the maintenance?

Him supporting her financially is not your problem.

Get a claim in and get it formalised.

Original poster
Trifleguzzler · 15/07/2023 14:11

Thank you yes that's good advice.
I have the summer to get my head around it.
I think the only time I would bump into her is when I pick my kids up from sports as a lot of the teachers are leaving at that point and I would bump into them often.
I jusy wish they would both just f*ck off.😔

OP posts:
Original poster
Trifleguzzler · 15/07/2023 14:13

Darkandstormynite · 15/07/2023 14:11

Why are you not going through CMS for the maintenance?

Him supporting her financially is not your problem.

Get a claim in and get it formalised.

He pays bare minimum but an extras like school uniforms, etc he says he can't afford as she doesn't have a job. I don't often ask him for extra but as we all know everything is so expensive and I struggle at times.

OP posts:
Original poster
Trifleguzzler · 15/07/2023 14:15

WhenIWasAFieldMyself · 15/07/2023 14:10

Unfortunately there will be little you can do to stop your ex's partner working at your daughter's school, particularly given that the children you have with your ex also now have a relationship with her (as you say they spend time with their dad and his partner regularly)
I do get that you feel uncomfortable, but as presumably your children have a decent enough relationship with her then maybe try to see it as a positive- an extra person at school looking out for your DD.

I tried to think like this. But the DCs don't like her at all. They refused to go to their dads for a long time because she was there. From what they say she is quite hard work and has panic attacks infront of them etc. They find it all a bit bizarre. Ex describes her as 'vulnerbale' not sure why as I don't ask.

OP posts:
BlastedPimples · 15/07/2023 14:17

Gosh. She doesn't sound like a good teacher candidate at all. She probably worn last long at placement in your dc's school if she's so "vulnerable."

RudsyFarmer · 15/07/2023 14:18

Well seeing she got sacked from her last job I would wait for her to burn the bridges with this one too. Then you can enjoy everyone knowing what a pair of cunts they are.

Mamette · 15/07/2023 14:18

She probably won’t be able to hack the teacher training by the sounds of her.

Mamette · 15/07/2023 14:20

And I don’t mean her anxiety symptoms- before anyone gets offended.

I mean getting sacked and being unemployed for a year. She doesn’t sound great work-wise.

Original poster
Trifleguzzler · 15/07/2023 14:20

RudsyFarmer · 15/07/2023 14:18

Well seeing she got sacked from her last job I would wait for her to burn the bridges with this one too. Then you can enjoy everyone knowing what a pair of cunts they are.

My friend made a good point that she probably won't last very long anyway, it's a rough school and the kids are so challenging. Urgh god I hate them both so much.

OP posts:
TheoTheopolis23 · 15/07/2023 14:22

Trifleguzzler · 15/07/2023 14:15

I tried to think like this. But the DCs don't like her at all. They refused to go to their dads for a long time because she was there. From what they say she is quite hard work and has panic attacks infront of them etc. They find it all a bit bizarre. Ex describes her as 'vulnerbale' not sure why as I don't ask.

Show quote history

Lol ; she's going to train to be a teacher and deal with cheeky, entitled, challenging, noisy, half feral, hormonal teenagers?!

If watch this space. I doubt she'll last long.

If she can't be down a regular job, I'd like to.see her hold down a secondary school teaching job.

Why dies she think they have trouble recruiting , why does she think teachers are leaving it.

RudsyFarmer · 15/07/2023 14:22

Trifleguzzler · 15/07/2023 14:20

My friend made a good point that she probably won't last very long anyway, it's a rough school and the kids are so challenging. Urgh god I hate them both so much.

Show quote history

And she is vulnerable and suffers with anxiety? Bloody hell she should not be teaching as a career. Kids smell weakness a mile off.

pikkumyy77 · 15/07/2023 14:22

Think of it as a nice chance for her to suffer and be humiliated daily.

CoffeeBeansGalore · 15/07/2023 14:23

In the schools that I have worked in a trainee teacher would not have access to pupil's sensitive information files. They would be told some information based on a need to know. I.e Joe Bloggs sometimes displays X behaviour. You have to do/tell/find xyz.
Jane Doe has severe asthma, her inhaler is kept here, you need to inform Mrs B if an episode happens.
A trainee would certainly not be given access to "locked files" containing psych reports, counselling referrals etc.

Original poster
Trifleguzzler · 15/07/2023 14:23

She left uni and moved straight in with my H, she had a job for a while got furloughed then fired, so she has been at home playing house for the majority of their relationship.
She was 24 and he was 40 when he left me for her.
And yes she has panic attacks at family events quite a lot so I am not sure teaching in a secondary school will be great for her.

OP posts:
Beachhutnut · 15/07/2023 14:25

I would contact the school. Let them know she is ow in breakup of you marriage and ask them not to put her in your Ds's class.

Original poster
Trifleguzzler · 15/07/2023 14:25

CoffeeBeansGalore · 15/07/2023 14:23

In the schools that I have worked in a trainee teacher would not have access to pupil's sensitive information files. They would be told some information based on a need to know. I.e Joe Bloggs sometimes displays X behaviour. You have to do/tell/find xyz.
Jane Doe has severe asthma, her inhaler is kept here, you need to inform Mrs B if an episode happens.
A trainee would certainly not be given access to "locked files" containing psych reports, counselling referrals etc.

Okay that is so reassuring thank you so much. My ex has been very emotionally abusive in the past, had a cocaine habit that I discovered and he became physical with me one night in front of my DS. This happend after he had left. I worry she will and in turn he will have access to what my DD has been saying about them both in intervention and it will be used against me. I know I sound hugely paranoid but it's been years of them and me. It's been hard.

OP posts:
TheoTheopolis23 · 15/07/2023 14:25

Sounds like the latest harevbrained scheme fro a hare brained couple.

Hooking up with a married man with two sen kids. What a lovely person she is.

And you ex - choosing a much younger "vulnerable" woman who can't keep a job. And doesn't get on with his kids. He sounds sensible.

If she cant even get on with her partner's kids, why does she think.sjell be any good at dealing with a whole class of a similar age.

Darkandstormynite · 15/07/2023 14:27

Oh OP, this is going to be so fun for you to watch 😂

Think of it as karma. She's going to get her arse handed to her. Get some 🍿 and enjoy a front row seat.

TheoTheopolis23 · 15/07/2023 14:27

My ex has been very emotionally abusive in the past, had a cocaine habit that I discovered and he became physical with me one night in front of my DS.

You're well fucking rid.

And she's "vulnerable" is she? She just got more so hitching her wagon to a former drug user, and batterer when things aren't going his way.

FromNowOn23 · 15/07/2023 14:27

How long is the placement for? Depending on the course it might not be for very long and then she will be off to a placement at another school. If she is literally just training on a first placement I wouldn’t worry too much about what she will see or have access to in a big secondary school.