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Original poster

OW encroaching

222 replies

Trifleguzzler · 15/07/2023 13:33

Hi all,
I haven't posted for ages but need some advice on this as I don't know what to do.
Bit of background, H left me for a much younger woman 4 years ago. It has taken me this long to heal from the trauma of it all. I was left to raise two SEN children totally alone while he shacked up with a girl half his age.

I didn't make anything difficult for him I cracked on best I could even though I was utterly devastated and was deeply depressed for quite a while. It was all very traumatic. Did the whole of lockdown totally alone, WFH full time and homeschooling.

Anyway, I have never met her. I keep them both at a distance and my children see him and her every other weekend.

My daughter has really struggled with the break up, along with starting secondary school ASD diagnosis. She was in a really bad way last year I honestly thought she would do something bad to herself. It has taken all my fight to get her on an even keel and she is finally at the end of year 8 doing okay.

Anyway, OW was sacked from her job 18 months ago, I don't know why but I didn't ask. And has been unemployed since, so I have been managing without any extra from Ex as he has been bank rolling her for the entire time.
She has now decided she is going to train as a teacher.
I found out last night she is doing it at my DD secondary school.

I feel so uncomfortable about it all mainly 'cause it feels like my terf as silly as that sounds, but I am quite involved with the school regarding my own job etc.
What also worries me is what information she will have access about me and my DD who has had intervention and counselling at school due to the divorce and OW situation.

I know I probably can't do anything about this. But I feel like she infiltrated my marriage and family and now she is working her way into the school life. She might end up teaching my friends kids and possibly my DS when he goes next year.

I just want to get on with my life and not have to worry about bumping into her on a daily basis while I collect my DS from the primary next door.

Anyway not sure what I am asking just needed to get it off my chest.

OP posts:
WibblyWobblyLane · 15/07/2023 15:23

Trifleguzzler · 15/07/2023 15:19

She is apparently staying in Aug. Not sure if that explains anything. I haven't a clue how it all works.

Show quote history

Are we talking England or Scotland?

ringsaglitter · 15/07/2023 15:25

RudsyFarmer · 15/07/2023 14:22

And she is vulnerable and suffers with anxiety? Bloody hell she should not be teaching as a career. Kids smell weakness a mile off.

Show quote history

Seconded. She won't be teaching for long

Buildingthefuture · 15/07/2023 15:25

“Beacon of light”????? Beacon of fucking light??? FFS, hats off to you. How you’ve not cut his balls off, with an actual spoon, is beyond me. You are a far, far better woman than me!
On a separate note though (and this is a bit “woo” for mn!) I am a big believer in the fact that, in the dead of the night, people KNOW how cunty they are. They can lie to themselves and everyone else in daylight, but in the middle of the night, when it’s quiet, unless they are a diagnosed psychopath…they know. Imagine having to live with that self reflection? I just couldn’t and I don’t think you could either. They’ve “won” nothing other than the realisation that they are really shitty people.

Original poster
Trifleguzzler · 15/07/2023 15:26

WibblyWobblyLane · 15/07/2023 15:23

Are we talking England or Scotland?

Show quote history

England

OP posts:
Antoninus · 15/07/2023 15:26

She won’t start until September

Original poster
Trifleguzzler · 15/07/2023 15:28

Buildingthefuture · 15/07/2023 15:25

“Beacon of light”????? Beacon of fucking light??? FFS, hats off to you. How you’ve not cut his balls off, with an actual spoon, is beyond me. You are a far, far better woman than me!
On a separate note though (and this is a bit “woo” for mn!) I am a big believer in the fact that, in the dead of the night, people KNOW how cunty they are. They can lie to themselves and everyone else in daylight, but in the middle of the night, when it’s quiet, unless they are a diagnosed psychopath…they know. Imagine having to live with that self reflection? I just couldn’t and I don’t think you could either. They’ve “won” nothing other than the realisation that they are really shitty people.

I fully believe this too. My ex hasn't been able to look me in eye since. And I am not allowed to meet her because I might be mean to her. Cause you know she's delicate. I am not allowed to meet her because he is worried what I will tell her. When I found his cocaine stash he screamed at me "who did you tell!" That's all he was bothered about.

OP posts:
Mummy08m · 15/07/2023 15:29

@WibblyWobblyLane

Scitt training can be two years, and primarily all at one school with just a few hours a week or a few days per term at a second school. Both my current school and previous school offer this for shortage subjects (inc mine).

Original poster
Trifleguzzler · 15/07/2023 15:29

Antoninus · 15/07/2023 15:26

She won’t start until September

That's weird then because she told my DC she was starting in Aug maybe she does some days near the end of summer, I know the teachers are in for the final week before they go back that could be it.

OP posts:
BanditsOnTheHorizon · 15/07/2023 15:30

It's not happened yet, if she's been sacked from a previous Jo. And suffers with anxiety it's unlikely she'll be cut out for a teaching job.

Just sit back and let them get on with it. I understand why you feel the way you do, but there's nothing you can do about it I'm afraid

Original poster
Trifleguzzler · 15/07/2023 15:30

Mummy08m · 15/07/2023 15:29

@WibblyWobblyLane

Scitt training can be two years, and primarily all at one school with just a few hours a week or a few days per term at a second school. Both my current school and previous school offer this for shortage subjects (inc mine).

This is what I thought it might be too. DD said two years. Hopefully it won't last.

OP posts:
Mummy08m · 15/07/2023 15:31

Trifleguzzler · 15/07/2023 15:29

That's weird then because she told my DC she was starting in Aug maybe she does some days near the end of summer, I know the teachers are in for the final week before they go back that could be it.

Show quote history

Scitts start with some theoretical training before school starts. So she might start in August for training

Original poster
Trifleguzzler · 15/07/2023 15:31

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 15/07/2023 15:30

It's not happened yet, if she's been sacked from a previous Jo. And suffers with anxiety it's unlikely she'll be cut out for a teaching job.

Just sit back and let them get on with it. I understand why you feel the way you do, but there's nothing you can do about it I'm afraid

I know, its so crap. I wish they would just sod off and let me be.

OP posts:
Original poster
Trifleguzzler · 15/07/2023 15:32

@Mummy08m That's sounds feasible then.

OP posts:
Silvered · 15/07/2023 15:32

Has your DD said anything to her in response to this news?

Your ex sounds like a prize twit BTW. Can't imagine why you got shot of him!!

AHugeTinyMistake · 15/07/2023 15:34

Antoninus · 15/07/2023 15:26

She won’t start until September

Some SCITT have a "summer school" to start you off with a basic grounding before you're thrown to the wolves on the first day, usually in August.

Also OP teaching bursaries can be SUBSTANTIAL depending on subject. It's all googleable so have a look if you have an idea of the subject she will teach - so get that CMS claim in, stat.

Bursaries are tax free and there might also be DFE "tuition fee refund" schemes she can apply for. DH was earning the equivalent of about 40k in his first ECT year.

So your ex will not be poor once she starts this training, guaranteed.

Original poster
Trifleguzzler · 15/07/2023 15:36

Silvered · 15/07/2023 15:32

Has your DD said anything to her in response to this news?

Your ex sounds like a prize twit BTW. Can't imagine why you got shot of him!!

I spoke to DD last night as she is at his this weekend and she isn't happy about it, but also kind of wants to see what happens.
It's difficult to know how she will react when she sees her at school it might be okay or it might be really bad. She finds it all weird and I think she is worried about how I feel about it. So I am trying to be positive. But again she isn't an idiot and can read me like a book. Which is difficult.

OP posts:
Original poster
Trifleguzzler · 15/07/2023 15:37

My DS was the one who told me. They had told them and they were told not to tell me. My DS knows not to keep secrets so instantly text me.

OP posts:
AHugeTinyMistake · 15/07/2023 15:39

Trifleguzzler · 15/07/2023 15:37

My DS was the one who told me. They had told them and they were told not to tell me. My DS knows not to keep secrets so instantly text me.

Your ex is SUCH a tool

Trying to get his kids to keep secrets from their mum

How you haven't buried him under the patio I'm not sure

Original poster
Trifleguzzler · 15/07/2023 15:42

AHugeTinyMistake · 15/07/2023 15:34

Some SCITT have a "summer school" to start you off with a basic grounding before you're thrown to the wolves on the first day, usually in August.

Also OP teaching bursaries can be SUBSTANTIAL depending on subject. It's all googleable so have a look if you have an idea of the subject she will teach - so get that CMS claim in, stat.

Bursaries are tax free and there might also be DFE "tuition fee refund" schemes she can apply for. DH was earning the equivalent of about 40k in his first ECT year.

So your ex will not be poor once she starts this training, guaranteed.

Show quote history

Now that is some good info there. Thank you. Yes I know the subject (Drama, ironically) so I will get on Google. Thank you.

OP posts:
Silvered · 15/07/2023 15:42

Every time I see "SCITT" it sounds like "shit" in my head.

So you can have a wee smile to yourself every time you think about OW going off for her shit training

Original poster
Trifleguzzler · 15/07/2023 15:43

Silvered · 15/07/2023 15:42

Every time I see "SCITT" it sounds like "shit" in my head.

So you can have a wee smile to yourself every time you think about OW going off for her shit training

Same.😆

OP posts:
Silvered · 15/07/2023 15:43

PS. If the kids are so inclined then a good response to 'don't tell your mum' is 'don't ask me to keep secrets from my mum, it's inappropriate'.

Original poster
Trifleguzzler · 15/07/2023 15:45

@AHugeTinyMistake Yes he has form for that. My DS text me and then begged me not to tell anyone otherwise Dad would shout. So I reassured him I wouldn't then told Mumsnet.

OP posts:
Mamette · 15/07/2023 15:50

Drama, ironically

😂

Thehouseofmarvels · 15/07/2023 15:54

As a secondary school teacher, this has disaster written all over it. The kids have access to her personal life through your daughter. I have no doubt that she will get called homewrecker. I did a little bit of acting before becoming an art teacher. One of the kids found a short film I was in on You Tube. It went round the school like wild fire and I have had several kids a day for weeks telling me about how they saw my film. The reaction was positive and they have been telling me how much they enjoyed it, but if it were a negative bit of gossip it would have been excruciating.