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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He Wants Me To Send My Daughter Away

218 replies

AshleyClare · 15/07/2023 13:19

Hi Viewers
Hoping for a sounding board here please without attacking me.
I recently turned 40, single mum to a 12 year old girl. Divorced for 8 years. Only had one relationship in this time. My daughters dad lives in another area which is a fair distance away - 12 hour drive.
I was living in another town myself and relocated nearly 2 years ago for fresh start. The guy I was dating at the time has kept in touch. He was upset when I left but our relationship was strained and I didn’t see it going anywhere. The biggest reason is he had little interest or patience with my daughter and was always in a mood with me because we didn’t get much alone time because naturally I’m a single parent and my daughter was 9 when I started dating him. Even when I was in the previous town my daughters dad was far away and she hardly saw him. My daughter is getting close to teen years and can be a challenge with her attitude as can many pre teens.
So the ex boyfriend has been constantly asking me to move back to the previous town I was in and saying I must send my daughter to her father for 6 months so I can stay with him a bit and have quality time and save some money.
I’ve told him NO because my daughter doesn’t want to be away from me. She would feel I’ve chosen him over her and don’t care. She would have to change schools again. Plus if he struggled to accept her before, he’s not going to change and that makes a relationship messy being caught in between the two. Yes there’s nothing wrong with me dating but I always try put my daughter first.
This guy says any normal person wouldn’t see the big deal with having a little 6 month break from their child especially if they’ll get ahead financially too.
Can anyone agree that I’m making right choices and this guy is being very unreasonable

OP posts:
cuckyplunt · 15/07/2023 13:20

This is what is known as a “no-brainer”…

MiddleParking · 15/07/2023 13:20

You’re not making the right decision by giving this conversation headspace at all. Your boundaries are not where they should be if you’re even talking to this man.

dragonbreaths · 15/07/2023 13:20

he sounds like a knob.

Debini · 15/07/2023 13:21

He is a dick.

Ilikewinter · 15/07/2023 13:21

Why is this even a question?

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 15/07/2023 13:21

Just dump the bastard. There is no possible future in this relationship so stop wasting your time and energy.

FluffMagnet · 15/07/2023 13:22

Tell him to get stuffed. Your daughter will never forgive you if you put her second to a random man who hates her.

Nongatron · 15/07/2023 13:22

Ilikewinter · 15/07/2023 13:21

Why is this even a question?

This

Icedlatteplease · 15/07/2023 13:22

Guys a dick. Why are you even still in contact

AHugeTinyMistake · 15/07/2023 13:22

Why are you even entertaining this man's ideas?

He's awful. Send your daughter away indeed. What a prince.

Shopgirl1 · 15/07/2023 13:23

That’s crazy. I would just stop engaging with him.

PowerBMI · 15/07/2023 13:23

Baffled why you are still in touch with him before he even said this. He is a twat

If this is real why have you kept up contact with someone who dislikes your dd so much?

listsandbudgets · 15/07/2023 13:23

Any normal person would welcome a break from him.. permanently

TakeMe2Insanity · 15/07/2023 13:23

My mum was seeing someone who said something similar (boarding school so she’d have quality time for him) she got rid. Very grateful as an adult looking at her decision. He’s an ex for a reason.

Papernotplastic · 15/07/2023 13:23

Do you really need to ask?

Jammything8 · 15/07/2023 13:23

Get rid of him.

vodkaredbullgirl · 15/07/2023 13:24

Dump

BiscuitsandPuffin · 15/07/2023 13:24

What advice did you get on the massive thread on this from last week or the week before? What different answers are you expecting this time?

tsmainsqueeze · 15/07/2023 13:25

I really find it hard to understand how some parents on here need to ask for advice in these kind of situations involving their own child.
Please ditch this heartless man, obviously he is unreasonable.

GerbilsForever24 · 15/07/2023 13:25

This guy says any normal person wouldn’t see the big deal with having a little 6 month break from their child especially if they’ll get ahead financially too.

This man is delusional and this is 100% not true.

End it fully, completely and properly and move on with your life.

Highdaysandholidays1 · 15/07/2023 13:26

No, for the record, I don't know any mums who have left their daughter for six months to move back in with someone who dislikes them, even hates them. It's so weird you need to ask if this is ok thinking, he is the not-ok one, I don't get any justification to him at all, leave him and look after your daughter!

BigMandsTattooPortfolio · 15/07/2023 13:26

Well he sounds delightful. What a prince.

Indigotree · 15/07/2023 13:26

He sounds deranged or sociopathic.

Floofydawg · 15/07/2023 13:27

Flabbergasted that anyone would think that having a 6 month break from your child is in any way acceptable. Get rid of the twat.

GCAcademic · 15/07/2023 13:27

Why does this even merit a post? Surely you know the answer?