He Wants Me To Send My Daughter Away

[AshleyClare]

Hi Viewers
Hoping for a sounding board here please without attacking me.
I recently turned 40, single mum to a 12 year old girl. Divorced for 8 years. Only had one relationship in this time. My daughters dad lives in another area which is a fair distance away - 12 hour drive.
I was living in another town myself and relocated nearly 2 years ago for fresh start. The guy I was dating at the time has kept in touch. He was upset when I left but our relationship was strained and I didn’t see it going anywhere. The biggest reason is he had little interest or patience with my daughter and was always in a mood with me because we didn’t get much alone time because naturally I’m a single parent and my daughter was 9 when I started dating him. Even when I was in the previous town my daughters dad was far away and she hardly saw him. My daughter is getting close to teen years and can be a challenge with her attitude as can many pre teens.
So the ex boyfriend has been constantly asking me to move back to the previous town I was in and saying I must send my daughter to her father for 6 months so I can stay with him a bit and have quality time and save some money.
I’ve told him NO because my daughter doesn’t want to be away from me. She would feel I’ve chosen him over her and don’t care. She would have to change schools again. Plus if he struggled to accept her before, he’s not going to change and that makes a relationship messy being caught in between the two. Yes there’s nothing wrong with me dating but I always try put my daughter first.
This guy says any normal person wouldn’t see the big deal with having a little 6 month break from their child especially if they’ll get ahead financially too.
Can anyone agree that I’m making right choices and this guy is being very unreasonable

You are 100% right, this guy is insane, cease all contact with him.

Block him. He is delusional.

Unreasonable? He is a completely evil, selfish wanker.

The ones who do p, especially when they’re nit even in a relationship with that person!, tend to be be controlling and abusive.

And no, as you said, no one would be happy to send their dc away fur 6 months for something that doesn’t even exist yet and didn’t work out the first time round.

Block him and dint give this guy anymore time. Not even 2 seconds. He isn’t worth it.

Can anyone agree that I’m making right choices and this guy is being very unreasonable

I don’t think unreasonable is the right word.
Crazy, selfish, entitled, controlling, abusive all feel much better suited to the situation.

Block his number.

You can find someone else can’t you? why hang onto him, he is an ex.

For goodness’ sake you can’t seriously be questioning this. Why are you even having conversations with ex boyfriends who dislike your child? I can’t for the life of me imagine why a parent would even entertain a bar of this. And yet you’re apparently having whole conversations with him about why you probably shouldn’t send your own child away for half a year. Good grief. If I was even going to entertain any contact with this ex (which I wouldn’t), the moment he even hinted at getting back together or the idea of my child being sent away I’d have laughed out loud and blocked him immediately.

This guys sounds like a manipulative narcissist and of course you should choose your daughter over him and not send her away. He sounds vile.

OP, three options:

1. send the DP away instead and keep the daughter
2. fly to Turkey, get a cheap lobotomy, forget this daughter exists and keep the DP. Bonus points if you get sepsis and lose weight he'll probably really pleased.
3. LTB, keep the daughter and go to therapy. Clearly there's something amiss. Why haven't you sent him packing yet? What's stopping you from telling him to get lost? How on earth is this guy still around?

I think it's because nobody quite understands why this is a question. Of course, you're going to say no. What he is asking is insane. And kindly, it's a little insane you even checking it's insane! But hopefully it's all clearer now.

Of course you must out your child first. The relationship with this man will never work, forget him. You and your daughter deserve better

I have a 12 year old daughter and it would break her heart (and mine) to send her away for 6 months. I also have a boyfriend but it would be instant relationship end if he suggested anything even remotely like this. This guy is horrible- dump and block!

You must be considering it to post on here

Otherwise why would you bother canvassing opinion?

FFS woman ditch this knob and start being a proper parent

Strange you need to ask. My DD's are 11 and 13. Not a chance.

To me, this would be the equivalent of your ex boyfriend asking you to commit mass murder. I would give the request the same level of consideration. It's so absurd that I would not even answer and just block and delete.

My only concern is why you have given this even one second of your thinking time

Don’t beat yourself up. I’m sure you’re doing fine. You’re there for your daughter,making a home for her and you, and that counts for lots. She’ll know you love her and are supporting her.