Husband sulking over tattoo

[TinyDancer86]

Just after some advice how to manage situation and whether what I did was wrong, feeling sad currently.

Went on a girly weekend recently - end of tough period, lots family illness and bereavement. We all ended up getting small matching tattoos as celebration/ memory.

Husband furious - both about the tattoo and that we didn't discuss it beforehand. Says he hates tattoos and that he has told me this often, so he feels I have done it out of spite and that we didn't dicuss it as I knew he would say no. FYI I had 3 much larger tattoos before we met, and he has generally mentioned he doesn't like tattoos but nothing that made me think this would be the reaction.

He says be feels betrayed and even compared it to having an affair! I apologised and tried to explain, offered to have it lasered off - he said no this as would cause a scar and that the damage is done and he 'would always know'. In heat of moment I said then maybe only option would be divorce if he felt comparable to breaking marriage vows!

He slept in spare room since, and is refusing to talk to me.

Now sure what to do. I have apologised and tried to explain, but also feel his reaction was a big overreaction (especially when comparing to extra marital afffair) and that it's my body and he shouldn't be dictating what I do with it. FYI, tattoo is very small, visible part of body but can be covered.

Exactly this.

Tattoos are a love/hate thing, but especially if someone already has work on them, you can’t force them to never get another tattoo again. It’s completely stupid to even think that’s possible.

I could understand the husbands behaviour slightly more if OP went from 0 tattoos to coming home with her face tattooed, but even at that, he doesn’t own her fucking body!

Be in a relationship with someone who makes you feel supported, not someone who’s so quick to try and tear you down. All this drama over a tiny little heart tattoo- the guy clearly has control issues, is inherently jealous and also spiteful.

The sulking and not leaving is awful on his behalf. I would agree with that.

He would have been better off not ever marrying her; or ending the relationship when she came home.

Major red flags. Control problems and sorry to say it doesn't improve. Leave or chuck him out before he exerts more control you're in denial about.

welp, something we can agree on

if he is so bothered they should have never married. if he isn't then he shouldn't have overreacted

as it stands his choices are to wither leave or let it go and accept this may not have even been the last tattoo, but acting like he does will probably get him kicked out of the house (and Im willing to bet he doesn't want to leave). Because realistically there is nothing that anyone can do - he's mad about not getting asked for permission, so even removing a tattoo (terrible choice on all fronts) wont pacify him unless he will get some sort of sick kick out of his wife burning out ink with a laser

I'm not keen on tattoos either, but it's my choice. My DH has recently had a new tattoo.. no discussion was needed as it's his body (he was 4 small tattoos).

Your body, your choice.

Let him sulk

you just carry on as normal, cheery hello, tell him things as normal

leave him to it

I have been in a similar situation as the husband here. The biggest difference with me is they both of us have always disliked tattoos and both didn't want one of our own, and we not interested in partners with tattoos. To be clear we don't judge others with tattoos, everyone has the right to do as they please, we just didn't like them and dont want partners with them.
My wife went away with her friends and they decided they wanted tattoos, obviously a big change for my wife. They ended up deciding to wait to get them though. She came home and we had a discussion about her change and desire for a tattoo. I was honest with her in that I don't like the idea, I will always be disappointed with it, and will always think it's unattractive, but if that's what she wants I will support her. Now if she would have came home with one without discussing with me first I'm sure a fight would have ensued and one of us would have been sleeping in the couch. The thing here is heathly communication and respect for your partner. This is a marrage, they are partners in life and the most important person in each others life. That's a big difference from having a friend other family member trying to share their opinion with you.

While I don't like the idea of my wife getting a tattoo she has enough respect for me to talk to me first because she knew it would be a big deal for me. It is much easier to accept a decision you don't agree with when it was discussed first!
This situation is a bit different since the wife already had tattoos. For her getting another one was not a big deal, but for someone without a tattoo getting one seems like a big thing and it would be hard for him to imagine it not being a big thing for his wife, even if she already had others.
The problem is see here, that is likely the real reason the husband feels betrayed is the lack of respect for his feelings. It certainly isn't a control issue like some people have commented, she has it already that's not going to change. He is hurt and feeling betrayed by her lack of caring about his feelings on what he sees as a big decision. While for her she sees this as a little thing so she is hurt and frustrated by his big reaction to what she sees as a small thing.
He'll get over the tattoo, but if they both don't work on their communication and respect for each other their marriage is in trouble.

Possibly an over reaction but i suppose it also depends on how you would react if he got something you didn’t like such as lots of face piercings

How old does a thread need to be before it's a zombie?

Why did you apologise ???
Your body you decide

Big red flag 🚩

I wouldnt be sulking or taking myself off to the spare room, but I would be fuming if my husband got a tattoo without asking me.

Why would he need to ask you, do you own his body?

This is about disrespecting your husband, defiance, and spiteful behavior. You knew he didn't like tattoos and he's clearly expressed this. If he accepted your existing tattoos but asked you not to get anymore, and you did anyway, you are not respecting his feelings, nor his reaction. Nobody here knows how he feels because he is unfairly not here to defend himself.

If you told your friends that your husband doesn't want you to get any more tattoos and your "friends" went and plotted to get you tattooed, then they don't respect boundaries, and are probably doing this out of spite. Perhaps in your husband's eyes, they are not the best friends for you to surround yourself with. Perhaps he feels disrespected by them as well, ganged up on, and that they are sabotaging his marriage. Maybe that's what you want.
If your husband instead, said he hates the smell of onions and you started eating raw onions all the time in front of him and going to bed without brushing your teeth - in spite of his wishes, you're being defiant.
It's both of your marriage, not ours to navigate. He's the one who is going to have to stare at your new tattoo forever - a reminder for him of the time he was disregarded, felt disrespected, and his wishes were trampled on by you and your friends. It probably makes him wonder what manner of treachery is headed his way next and if he's projecting out a life like that... with you. He's obviously unhappy about it.

Enter the Cranberries

Some people get tattoos for revenge.

Here is a true story: Cost of getting tattoo - $90.

Cost of removing tattoo: thousands of dollars.

I dated a girl briefly who had a billboard sized tattoo across her upper buttocks that said "Tribute to Joey". When I asked her what it was all about, her initial story was that he had innocently died in a tragic accident.

She later revealed that he had in fact, been in a gang fight when she was dating him while she had messed around with a rival gang member - who had him killed.
Fast forward to her most recent ex-fiancé. He and she broke up briefly, and she got the billboard tattoo during their breakup - out of revenge. For $90. Now he's got to look at the tattoo of another man - a dead man's name - across her butt. He refused to marry her.

She told me she wanted to get the tattoo removed but, of course she couldn't afford it. Asked me for the thousands of dollars to get it removed. I paid for it, but she only got half of it removed and then she went instead and got her entire back covered with more tattoos.

I tried to get her to read the Dr. Suess book "The Sneeches" to clue her in on how foolish this was getting. She got furious at me, and she surely hated that children's book.

Go figure.