Husband sulking over tattoo

[TinyDancer86]

Just after some advice how to manage situation and whether what I did was wrong, feeling sad currently.

Went on a girly weekend recently - end of tough period, lots family illness and bereavement. We all ended up getting small matching tattoos as celebration/ memory.

Husband furious - both about the tattoo and that we didn't discuss it beforehand. Says he hates tattoos and that he has told me this often, so he feels I have done it out of spite and that we didn't dicuss it as I knew he would say no. FYI I had 3 much larger tattoos before we met, and he has generally mentioned he doesn't like tattoos but nothing that made me think this would be the reaction.

He says be feels betrayed and even compared it to having an affair! I apologised and tried to explain, offered to have it lasered off - he said no this as would cause a scar and that the damage is done and he 'would always know'. In heat of moment I said then maybe only option would be divorce if he felt comparable to breaking marriage vows!

He slept in spare room since, and is refusing to talk to me.

Now sure what to do. I have apologised and tried to explain, but also feel his reaction was a big overreaction (especially when comparing to extra marital afffair) and that it's my body and he shouldn't be dictating what I do with it. FYI, tattoo is very small, visible part of body but can be covered.

But that's about control then.

To you! My husband isn't a big fan of tattoos, I have 3. Got them long after we married. His reaction? "I'm glad you did something you've wanted for so long, the artwork is brilliant."

Your attitude is repulsive.

I don’t think it’s controlling just to hate a tattoo. I’d be pretty upset with dh, and he with me, as we both know each others opinions on it.
He’s had to live with the others, but this is different. You didn’t give him a chance to express his feelings.

Why do his feelings trump hers?

She didn’t ask him to ‘validate’ her choice, whatever the fuck that means.

Tattoos really aren’t that deep, don’t know why you think she had some other motive, maybe because you can’t stand the idea that she did nothing wrong even though you hate tattoos yourself?

You can dislike it and go something like "oh love, I wish you hadn't" - it's the excessive reaction that looks controlling. Accusing her of doing it out of spite, claiming that she didn't talk to him about it because he'd have said no (like it's his decision! - it's not), likening it to having an affair, giving her the silent treatment and removing himself to another bedroom.

It’s has right to not like them but his reaction is way over the top. Is he always so dramatic?

He has

I wasn’t allowed to use the words “me or I”, according to the person I was replying to

you know what this person meant and your reason still boils down to "i dont like it"

Why should I like tattoos? To me they are repulsive. If my partner, knowing my opinion, deliberately mutated himself without warning me, knowing I would find him less attractive as a result, I would struggle not to take it personally.

Many would see it that way, including members of our wider family who have tattoos. But I knew I had an 18 year old who might do something he would regret while on holiday with his mates.

I have absolutely no regrets - he is glad he didn’t do it. If he’d wanted to, all he had to do was wait a few years. I made him think twice - hardly a parenting crime.

100%

Jesus Christ whatever next.

There are a lot worse things in this world than a bloody tattoo...

Why should her husband leave his home because she has scarred herself?

Not everything is about you, but especially choices people make about their OWN body. You taking it personally is your issue.

"Why should her husband leave his home because she has scarred herself?"

@MumblesParty ironically I bet you aren't very fun at parties are you?

nobody says you should like them, its just a preference

but in the context of this thread - what sense does it make to dislike tattoos so much then marry someone who is already tattooed, then have a meltdown over one more small tattoos?

i assume you'd be reasonable enough to NOT marry someone you find unattractive by default, right?

Why did he set up a home with her if he thought her so gruesomely scarred in the first place?

Couldn't have said it better.

The reason I said don't say I, me or my is because your feelings shouldn't determine what other people do to their bodies.

Well yes, I wouldn’t marry someone with a tattoo in the first place, that’s true. But we don’t know the details. It’s possible OP has told her DH she was young, regrets the tattoos, wouldn’t get more etc. and so having got a new one, her DH is upset.

What is it with men acting like Children? It's your body, you don't need his permission to get a tattoo and you don't need to apologize either. Get shot- there's enough decent people out there not to settle with a wanker.

This.

I’d bet tattoo was a godsend to him as he had something to really tantrum over.

Other people* can do what they like.

• except people who want me to pay, or who want to stay in an intimate relationship with me. If it had to be discussed or explained then it would be a No!

I suppose the people who say he shouldn’t have married her are right, but my guess is OP had her part in that too, maybe she made noises about regret, or generally playing it down to keep him sweet. It’s obvious when he made his views known the first time that she didn’t stand up for what she believed in.

But my views are not necessarily the husbands and someone has kindly mentioned the good advice of not putting yourself in a position of justification apologies defending and explaining.

I don’t owe anyone a relationship and I am allowed to say ‘Absolutely Not’. Same for OP and same for her husband.

I personally loathe tattoos, but think his reaction is dreadful , not his body, not his choice.