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Original poster

Husband sulking over tattoo

362 replies

TinyDancer86 · 10/07/2023 12:22

Just after some advice how to manage situation and whether what I did was wrong, feeling sad currently.

Went on a girly weekend recently - end of tough period, lots family illness and bereavement. We all ended up getting small matching tattoos as celebration/ memory.

Husband furious - both about the tattoo and that we didn't discuss it beforehand. Says he hates tattoos and that he has told me this often, so he feels I have done it out of spite and that we didn't dicuss it as I knew he would say no. FYI I had 3 much larger tattoos before we met, and he has generally mentioned he doesn't like tattoos but nothing that made me think this would be the reaction.

He says be feels betrayed and even compared it to having an affair! I apologised and tried to explain, offered to have it lasered off - he said no this as would cause a scar and that the damage is done and he 'would always know'. In heat of moment I said then maybe only option would be divorce if he felt comparable to breaking marriage vows!

He slept in spare room since, and is refusing to talk to me.

Now sure what to do. I have apologised and tried to explain, but also feel his reaction was a big overreaction (especially when comparing to extra marital afffair) and that it's my body and he shouldn't be dictating what I do with it. FYI, tattoo is very small, visible part of body but can be covered.

OP posts:
Freefall212 · 10/07/2023 16:29

I am not sure that most posters would actually be supportive and take a your body your choice if their husband came home with a permanent body modification that the husband knew that they hated.

Lets say you hate large gauges in the ear holes and your husband knew this and went and got them and came home with his gauges, no poster would say take them out, I hate them and you know that? Every poster would say happy for you, your body your choice, doesn't impact me so do as you wish? Unlikely.

I took have seen threads on here of women who hate beards or facial hair and have definitely not taken a your body your choice, I will always only be supportive and positive about whatever you choose to do with your body and will keep any personal feeling I have to myself approach.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 10/07/2023 16:29

Ultimately, if you dislike tattoos to the point you would be offended/hurt/feel betrayed etc by your partner getting one, don't be with someone who doesn't share this view.

PaintedEgg · 10/07/2023 16:30

using another example - I probably would not want to be with someone whose work means they have to be away from home a lot. Unlike a tattoo this would actually affect my life as well

would i be upset if they have accepted a job that takes them overseas for months without ever asking me? sure.

would it be reasonable to marry someone already in this line of work and then throw a tantrum because, shockingly, they'll continue to be the same person, with the same job?

tattoo is like one grade below that as it does not impact on partner's life, they literally may not like the way it looks

also...those tattoo hating people are seriously dramatic. are you guys like this in all aspects of life? it sounds stressful

Gettingbysomehow · 10/07/2023 16:30

He is being a complete pillock. Both sulking and controlling - 2 traits that are loathsome in a man.
Stop apologising. He should be apologising to you.
You DO NOT need his permission to do anything.

category12 · 10/07/2023 16:31

MumblesParty · 10/07/2023 16:27

Well yes, I wouldn’t marry someone with a tattoo in the first place, that’s true. But we don’t know the details. It’s possible OP has told her DH she was young, regrets the tattoos, wouldn’t get more etc. and so having got a new one, her DH is upset.

Show quote history

Nice - you're now making up your own narrative entirely to paint OP a liar. 🙄

PaintedEgg · 10/07/2023 16:31

Freefall212 · 10/07/2023 16:29

I am not sure that most posters would actually be supportive and take a your body your choice if their husband came home with a permanent body modification that the husband knew that they hated.

Lets say you hate large gauges in the ear holes and your husband knew this and went and got them and came home with his gauges, no poster would say take them out, I hate them and you know that? Every poster would say happy for you, your body your choice, doesn't impact me so do as you wish? Unlikely.

I took have seen threads on here of women who hate beards or facial hair and have definitely not taken a your body your choice, I will always only be supportive and positive about whatever you choose to do with your body and will keep any personal feeling I have to myself approach.

i think all of these women should get a grip, however none that ive seen went full berserk mode and compared her husband growing / shaving his facial hair without her permission to an affair

KingJamesTheTurd · 10/07/2023 16:31

Agree with those who say your body, your choice - but also with those who say it's also his right to feel about it in the way he feels.

If my partner had a tattoo, I'd view him in a completely different light. I know you had them before, which is a slightly different situation - but I'd think that adding a new one was going to end up with you being one of those people who's completely covered in them. That would be a big problem for me.

MumblesParty · 10/07/2023 16:32

MN is full of threads by women who are upset that their husbands are fat, unfit, smoking, drinking, unwashed etc , and they are always supported in their unhappiness with the situation. All of these things are choices the men have the right to make, it’s their body, they can do what they like. Which is obviously true. But when you’re married to someone, the choices you make about your appearance will affect them too, and they have a right to an opinion, and a right to have feelings about it. No one has the right to stop another adult have a tattoo, but it’s foolish to assume that no one else is affected by it.

PaintedEgg · 10/07/2023 16:32

category12 · 10/07/2023 16:31

Nice - you're now making up your own narrative entirely to paint OP a liar. 🙄

Show quote history

were there any dragons in this story? because it sounds like you have a whole plot written out!

im sure someone who went to this lengths to lie about tattoos would be shocked like OP was to see her husband react the way he did

NowItsLikeSnowAtTheBeach · 10/07/2023 16:33

MumblesParty · 10/07/2023 16:20

Why should her husband leave his home because she has scarred herself?

Show quote history

She hasn't done any such thing. And he has zero right to try to control her body in this manner.

I dislike tattoos and would never get one, but I also recognise that a lot of people do like them and do get them. They are not scars; they are pictures/words/art that people enjoy having on themselves.

Comeandsee53 · 10/07/2023 16:34

I honestly am so thankful for my relationship if other women can think this way over a tattoo which is so small that a wrist watch covers it.

Everyone is defending their argument by implying that the OP has some gigantic slang word tattooed across her forehead!

MumblesParty · 10/07/2023 16:34

category12 · 10/07/2023 16:31

Nice - you're now making up your own narrative entirely to paint OP a liar. 🙄

Show quote history

I don’t recall her clarifying the situation.
But you can call me a liar of you want. Whatever.

NowItsLikeSnowAtTheBeach · 10/07/2023 16:34

MumblesParty · 10/07/2023 16:32

MN is full of threads by women who are upset that their husbands are fat, unfit, smoking, drinking, unwashed etc , and they are always supported in their unhappiness with the situation. All of these things are choices the men have the right to make, it’s their body, they can do what they like. Which is obviously true. But when you’re married to someone, the choices you make about your appearance will affect them too, and they have a right to an opinion, and a right to have feelings about it. No one has the right to stop another adult have a tattoo, but it’s foolish to assume that no one else is affected by it.

He married her knowing (a) she liked and (b) she already had tattoos and (c) that she might decide to get more in future.

Freefall212 · 10/07/2023 16:35

Comeandsee53 · 10/07/2023 16:34

I honestly am so thankful for my relationship if other women can think this way over a tattoo which is so small that a wrist watch covers it.

Everyone is defending their argument by implying that the OP has some gigantic slang word tattooed across her forehead!

Their position is her body her choice so it really makes no difference where the tattoo is or the size. It is all still her body, her choice.

ThePM · 10/07/2023 16:36

Naunet · 10/07/2023 16:13

She didn’t ask him to ‘validate’ her choice, whatever the fuck that means.

Tattoos really aren’t that deep, don’t know why you think she had some other motive, maybe because you can’t stand the idea that she did nothing wrong even though you hate tattoos yourself?

Show quote history

By validate I mean she wanted him to say some combination of: great/it looks amazing/I’m glad X suggested it so you have matching ones/you’ve persuaded me to get inked.

pimplebum · 10/07/2023 16:36

Why does he think you should discuss a tattoo? Very controlling
It's something you tell a partner you are getting done
His behaviour is disgusting leave him
Is he controlling in other ways ?

PaintedEgg · 10/07/2023 16:36

ThePM · 10/07/2023 16:36

By validate I mean she wanted him to say some combination of: great/it looks amazing/I’m glad X suggested it so you have matching ones/you’ve persuaded me to get inked.

Show quote history

at what point is it even implied he was ever asked for any opinion?

PaintedEgg · 10/07/2023 16:37

@MumblesParty even your example, while questionable, don't compare to this level of meltdown over a tiny tattoo

Comeandsee53 · 10/07/2023 16:38

Freefall212 · 10/07/2023 16:35

Their position is her body her choice so it really makes no difference where the tattoo is or the size. It is all still her body, her choice.

Show quote history

Hmm not sure I agree. I'm on OP's side rightly so and love tattoos, but if my partner came home with the word ' c u next Tuesday' across his face I wouldn't be best pleased as he'd also lose his job & we have a mortgage to pay 😂

MumblesParty · 10/07/2023 16:38

NowItsLikeSnowAtTheBeach · 10/07/2023 16:34

He married her knowing (a) she liked and (b) she already had tattoos and (c) that she might decide to get more in future.

Show quote history

Well he clearly didn’t expect her to sneakily have another one, so either she hadn’t told him she was planning more, or he’s a bit thick.

Anyway, I’m simply saying that changing your appearance does affect those around you. You have the right to change your appearance, your friends/family have the right to an opinion, which make be strongly held. Nothing you can do about it.

Naunet · 10/07/2023 16:38

Freefall212 · 10/07/2023 16:29

I am not sure that most posters would actually be supportive and take a your body your choice if their husband came home with a permanent body modification that the husband knew that they hated.

Lets say you hate large gauges in the ear holes and your husband knew this and went and got them and came home with his gauges, no poster would say take them out, I hate them and you know that? Every poster would say happy for you, your body your choice, doesn't impact me so do as you wish? Unlikely.

I took have seen threads on here of women who hate beards or facial hair and have definitely not taken a your body your choice, I will always only be supportive and positive about whatever you choose to do with your body and will keep any personal feeling I have to myself approach.

Ok but in your comparison you would have had to marry a man with gauges to start with, so you can’t hate them that much, can you?

I would love to see a link to a beard thread where women are saying the OP wouldn’t be unreasonable to leave him though, or that he’s basically doing something as bad as cheating by growing it, do you have that?

No one is saying her husband had to be happy about it, but there’s a world of difference between that and acting like you have ownership over someone else’s body and suggesting it’s akin to an affair.

MouseSculptureMadeOfOldHairbrushFluff · 10/07/2023 16:38

If your partner has a beard, piercing, wacky shirt collection etc. that you don’t find all that attractive well then of course you can let them know you’re not keen. As long as you act like a grown up in the way you express this, and accept that they might say ‘too bad, it’s staying’.

Not having an attack of the vapours, flouncing off to the guest bedroom, giving your partner the silent treatment, and generally acting like a pissy little baby.

Comeandsee53 · 10/07/2023 16:39

MumblesParty · 10/07/2023 16:38

Well he clearly didn’t expect her to sneakily have another one, so either she hadn’t told him she was planning more, or he’s a bit thick.

Anyway, I’m simply saying that changing your appearance does affect those around you. You have the right to change your appearance, your friends/family have the right to an opinion, which make be strongly held. Nothing you can do about it.

Show quote history

Seriously? It's such a tiny tattoo that most people won't even see it!

clpsmum · 10/07/2023 16:39

StopStartStop · 10/07/2023 12:24

If you are childfree, leave.
If you have children, throw him out. Ask him to leave.
Tattoo - your body, your choice. He doesn't own you.

This - you don't need his permission

Carouselfish · 10/07/2023 16:39

Yeah, he doesn't get a say in what you do with your body and you don't have to ask his permission. Would he ask your permission before getting a haircut or shaving his beard or eating a whole pizza or buying a certain pair of jeans in case it made you not like his body as much?
Get fucked to the far side of fuck, buddy.