Husband sulking over tattoo

[TinyDancer86]

Just after some advice how to manage situation and whether what I did was wrong, feeling sad currently.

Went on a girly weekend recently - end of tough period, lots family illness and bereavement. We all ended up getting small matching tattoos as celebration/ memory.

Husband furious - both about the tattoo and that we didn't discuss it beforehand. Says he hates tattoos and that he has told me this often, so he feels I have done it out of spite and that we didn't dicuss it as I knew he would say no. FYI I had 3 much larger tattoos before we met, and he has generally mentioned he doesn't like tattoos but nothing that made me think this would be the reaction.

He says be feels betrayed and even compared it to having an affair! I apologised and tried to explain, offered to have it lasered off - he said no this as would cause a scar and that the damage is done and he 'would always know'. In heat of moment I said then maybe only option would be divorce if he felt comparable to breaking marriage vows!

He slept in spare room since, and is refusing to talk to me.

Now sure what to do. I have apologised and tried to explain, but also feel his reaction was a big overreaction (especially when comparing to extra marital afffair) and that it's my body and he shouldn't be dictating what I do with it. FYI, tattoo is very small, visible part of body but can be covered.

If you are childfree, leave.
If you have children, throw him out. Ask him to leave.
Tattoo - your body, your choice. He doesn't own you.

What you do, is tell him to do one. WTF has it got to do with him?

He’s angry that you made a decision about your body that didn’t prioritize him.

This is a control issue.

The only way I could see him being upset as reasonable is if you were financially struggling and drained your savings for a tattoo.

Wow, excessive. I mean, I am not sure I'd be thrilled if DH came home with a huge tattoo but at the end of the day, his body his choice. If I truly hated tattoos (I don't, although neither of us have any) I guess I can see how it might intrinsically change how I felt about him over time, but this level of sulking seems ridiculous. It's very controlling. Is he controlling about other aspects of your appearance?

WTF! Its your body, you don't have to ask permission. You're an adult and he isn't a member of the Taliban. Or is he???

Bloody hell.

Thanks for the replies. Reassuring to know that this is a massive over reaction from him, and I agree it felt so controlling. Generally he isn't controlling (I don't think), although this reaction is making me question other aspects of the relationship dynamics 😔

We do have kids, and I feel this is such a bad example to them of what is an appropriate way to behave in a relationship (although we haven't been discussing it in front of them).

Weird that he thought you did it to spite him, considering he has accepted your older, larger tattoos. Is he generally suspicious of you like that?

At the very least it sounds like communication between you isn’t good.

He hates tattoos but you've already got three, so what difference does a small fourth one make?

His reaction is crazy! Accusing you of getting it out of spite? Sleeping in the spare room?

I don't thing he's liked you going for a girly weekend personally, and this is his way of showing 'justified' anger about it.

Stop apologising. Stop explaining. His reaction is way over the top.

I agree with others that he is massively over reacting and it’s your body and your decisions!!

shame on him

wtf am I reading. What a big bloody baby. Seriously, if he i willing to get divorced over you having a tattoo he's either looking for an out or he's an absolute dickhead.

Do not apologise and do not offer to get it lasered off as you are just fuelling his fire and making it seem like you have done something wrong and you haven't. Let him sulk, let him stay in the spare room and just get on your your life and stop pandering to this pathetic man child.

Your body - your choice. TOTALLY OTT reaction on his side. Very much controlling.

I would go back out and get a bigger one.

How dare a man tell me what to do with my own body.

Is it feasible that he's using this as an excuse not to sleep in the same room as you, and/or that he compared it to an affair as that is a topic currently on his mind?

He shouldn’t be telling you what you can and can’t do on your own body; it’s a huge red flag.

It's your body, your choice

I've got a few tattoos on my right arm and a sleeve on my left arm and I never even would have thought to ask my partners permission as its nothing to do with him

If your husband doesn't want to look at it he can always leave 🤭

He is definitely overreacting for something that isnt going to affect his life in any way whatsoever. Tattoos are very common these days so he needs to learn to accept them because what if your children decide to get tattoos when they are older? Is he going to get the hump, give them the silent treatment? Disown them?

You really need to stop apologising about this. He thinks he gets to have a say as to whether you have a(nother) tattoo. He doesn't. He can have a preference that you hadn't done it, but that's it. Comparing it to you having an affair is off the rails batshit and suggests he thinks he owns you in some way, which is such a red flag.

I’m really sad - that you apologised.

Obviously he’s allowed to feel whatever he feels - but he’s absolutely not allowed to ill-treat you over something perfectly legal that you do to your own body. You don’t need his permission. You’re not obliged to consult him in advance (unless it actually took food out of your children’s mouths - which I doubt).

Must be oppressive living with someone like this?

He didn't like you going away and the freedom you had.

don’t indulge him, he’s having a tantrum. It’s your body and he knows you have tattoos already so what difference does it make? How dare he hold it over you?

married couples are supposed to disagree on things from time to time, this can be one of yours.

This is all about control. Do not apologise or have it lasered off, its your body and he is behaving like a spoilt brat. Let him sleep in the spare room as long as he likes.

So firstly I personally hate tattoos but despite that I think your husband has massively overreacted !Is there anything else that he is unhappy about? Sounds all a bit controlling TBH !

The tattoo is not the issues. He thinks he owns your skin. That’s the issue.

Done to spite him?! Does he realise that it’s your body? He’s a man child in my opinion. OP let him sleep where he likes. In fact he can sleep outside the house if he likes. How can he liken it to having an affair?!
what a child in a man’s body he is!

Have an affair.. and then ask him if that was really how he felt when you had a little tattoo?
Alternatively tell him to get stuffed and ignore him until he gains a sense of perspective!

Oh fuck him, what actual business is it of his?!