My Boyfriend is A Selfish Lover

[Nikky1976]

Hi All im new to this forum but would love advice. I’m a divorcee but been seeing a man for couple years. He’s 16 years older than me - I’m 47 and he’s 63. We don’t live together but I stay over nights at least twice a week when he’s not away working. I find him very handsome and sexy but the sex life has always been an issue and whenever I’ve discussed it he’s got mad at me and will swear and shout. I don’t yell at him or criticise him. Sex only happens when he wants it and he would rather watch porn. I’m not fat and ugly. I’m always up for sex and prepared to be adventurous but he pushes me aside for porn frequently. My even bigger issue is he has not once even tried to pleasure me. It’s all about him and I’m left sexually frustrated and it hurts. He gets nasty and says if I’m unsatisfied then go find a toy boy. I feel like either my wants, desires and feelings are nothing to him or maybe he’s not attracted to me sexually even though he says he is yet gives me no attention in bed.
I don’t know if I’m too sensitive or should leave him because he doesn’t change even after numerous requests

@Nikky1976 His opinion is a younger man wouldn’t tolerate me as he wouldn’t have the patience. I’m lucky he’s older as he’s more tolerant. There’s a lid for every pot. If I’m so hard to manage, there’ll be someone out there will want to and be able to handle me
^^

What a load of tosh.
How does he know?
My ex told me I'd never find someone else as I had a child - I laughed in his face and told him that made me even more desirable- we , me and said child were an awesome package (ex went off and got into a relationship- with a lady who had - a cold

**
A Child- not a cord Cold - d'oh.

Whereas all his relationships have been so successful? 🤨

Hes gross and clearly into dick. Raise your standards next time around and know you can do better than a creep.

said at least we both work so we won’t spend too much time together so I don’t annoy the Fck out of him*
'dentists' are cheap in Vietnam
Ladyboy porn

There's three other reasons to leave him apart from being a selfish lover.

@Nikky1976

’Younger men won’t tolerate you’ and ‘you are lucky he is older’…. It’s such a clear manipulation strategy. Meant put and keep you down so you’ll stick around and serve his needs.
Also - same about the comments that it’s shallow to end relationship because of crap sex. Sexual connection is what binds people in a relationship. (If both people are sexual. It’s obviously ok to have a platonic or non sexual relationship of both want it)

People show their best sides in the beginning. Then people like me stay because we hope those amazing sides come back but more often than not - they don’t and it’s a waste of time and energy. I’ll just stay single for now

I have told him today it’s over. He didn’t try convince me to stay. He simply says he knows I’m just having a temporary head spin and don’t mean it. I do mean it this time. Life’s too short

@Nikky1976 if I could like a post, I would! …
👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

Well done 👏👏👏

Sounds like a good move. And now the decision has been made, don’t waste head space on ifs, buts and maybes. Get out, enjoy yourself, enjoy your company, and enjoy doings things you’d like to do without needing to take anyone else into consideration.

Would like to thank everyone on this forum. I’ve had good advice and support where I half expected to be attacked .
One thing I won’t miss is being sworn at and constantly criticised.

@Nikky1976
Well done
As time goes on it will get easier and you will more than ever know you've done the right thing.
From his last 'patronising' comments he doesn't think you mean it. So expect some contact when the Penny finally drops and he realises he's lost his house/dog sitter.
Please stand firm. He had his chance and blew it - user.

Congratulations on your freedom!

Well done @Nikky1976, you deserve so much better than this! Stay strong and don’t let him back on your head no matter what he tries. Know your worth and how you want to be treated and don’t settle for anything less.

And if you find yourself thinking about what you could have been doing together, remind yourself he will be using his free time to watch his porn passion.

Yuk.

Yes - has bottles of lube everywhere. Claims he’s not a porn addict but yet looks at it every day. Apparently an addict is only someone who watches it for hours on end

Thank you. He knows I have no family and not much money so probably thinks I’ll stick around out of loneliness and because he’s got big house, fancy cars etc. Possessions have never been important to me

@Nikky1976

Good for you!

But also wanted to say - don’t let him dictate your life post divorce.
Don’t let it all become a self fulfilling prophesy - that you should be alone.

Not saying you need to get out there and actively search - just don’t close yourself to the idea. Date or not date on YOUR terms. Not because he told you something about yourself that you believe.

Ugh, what an arrogant, gadloghting dick he is.

Reminds me of this couple I went to see about a room from recently. He was in his 60s and her, in her forties and when she wasn't in the room, he was hitting on me! (And I'm in my 30s!).
Dirty old beggar! Anyway, when I texted to say I didn't want the room, he was all like 'oh I don't know, I don't think this this is the last we'll hear of you'. Haha. Narcissists and their delusional arrogance!

First thing I did was block him. Because otherwise I know he'd have started messaging me contestantly.

Defo block your one. Or as soon as he realises you mean it, chances are you'll get an earful of abuse. Possibly a bunch of gaslighting shite like how you're unstable for breaking up with him in the meantime too. Seriously, spare yourself.

Have you given him all his shit back? Otherwise, guarantee he'll try use that as an excuse to go round your house. Look out for calls from unknown numbers too. Don't answer them. Oh and if you don't block, watch out for sob story messages like sudden illness scares. They'll often try every trick in the book.

*gaslighting

He’s never bought me anything. He paid for a tattoo in the beginning but no gifts! He’s probably got women he hits on. He’s been on tinder and other dating apps before and keeps in touch with exes. Being a truck driver he has opportunities to play around.

Bottles of lube everywhere. Absolutely foul.

You go girl. U better off without him. Onward and upward.

Yup, leave him to his obsessive wanking all over his house. Wouldn't sit down in there anywhere if you paid me a million pounds.

This.

Just seen your update. Well done OP. Now you can work on you. All the best x