My Boyfriend is A Selfish Lover

[Nikky1976]

Hi All im new to this forum but would love advice. I’m a divorcee but been seeing a man for couple years. He’s 16 years older than me - I’m 47 and he’s 63. We don’t live together but I stay over nights at least twice a week when he’s not away working. I find him very handsome and sexy but the sex life has always been an issue and whenever I’ve discussed it he’s got mad at me and will swear and shout. I don’t yell at him or criticise him. Sex only happens when he wants it and he would rather watch porn. I’m not fat and ugly. I’m always up for sex and prepared to be adventurous but he pushes me aside for porn frequently. My even bigger issue is he has not once even tried to pleasure me. It’s all about him and I’m left sexually frustrated and it hurts. He gets nasty and says if I’m unsatisfied then go find a toy boy. I feel like either my wants, desires and feelings are nothing to him or maybe he’s not attracted to me sexually even though he says he is yet gives me no attention in bed.
I don’t know if I’m too sensitive or should leave him because he doesn’t change even after numerous requests

Thank you I’ll look at this app

I'd be willing to bet that the equiptment he wants in his mouth isn't related to dentistry xD

You can’t really be this naive can you?

I have literally no idea why you are still with this man. Leave him, do some work on you because you clearly don’t value yourself and get an STD test.

I stayed several posts ago that I will be ending it

@Nikky1976
His motivations don't matter. It is your lack of happiness and satisfaction that should be driving your decision. If he can afford to travel, he can probably afford to pay someone to look after his animals, and it seems to me , it is more women rather than men who spend time worrying about who is going to take care if them in their old age.

You have been in an unsatisfying relationship for years. That is on you. Rather than examining the relationship you should focus on why you would have knowingly and willingly chosen to stay in the relationship. He was never the problem; it was not his selfishness nor his fondness for porn that was the problem. That was just him being his authentic self. The problem was you electively choosing to stay in the relationship and yet feeling somehow misused.

@Nousername4now no need to police my posts. I have already commented on the thread. OP needs to focus solely on herself and figuring how on earth she allowed any of this to get past the first date, to avoid throwing more of her life away. She keeps going on about the man, which is a shame.

He's blatantly in the closet. Maybe ask his ex wife why she divorced him.
He's vile. Get rid. And I think it's good that you know you're attractive. Use that as your confidence and go find someone who deserves you.

To be fair, he might not be gay. He might get off on the appropriation of women and the female form. Autogynophile was mentioned above somewhere and I think its a good shout.

He clearly isn't interested in women's pleasure or happiness. Could be gay. Or could just be a standard mysoginist.

He’s tried to justify it saying it’s easiest at his age.

Lol. So his hands and tongue are paralysed?

And 63. 😬😬 I'm just a few years younger than you and the thought of it grosses me out. Hang around and you'll soon become his carer.

Very clear cut case of dump him asap. Lazy, selfish, rude, incapable of communication. What's to like?

Well done. I'm sure you'll be much happier!!

Oh, come off it, do you expect us to believe this! Why would you - or anyone - stay with him?

He was a vastly different man in the beginning. He’s made me believe im the problem but - main issue i Am asking advice on is if his behaviour in the bedroom is actually selfish or am I being unreasonable.

Dentists! I could make jokes but I won't.

@JazzyBBG

Why would it be productive or necessary to ask the ex wife anything? What benefit comes from investigating his psst life when you are fully aware that you are unhappy with the present situation ? It doesn't matter what he us or is not. The reality is that this is not an acceptable situation for the OP. She doesn't need to do any investigation to know that she is unhappy. Her own unhappiness is all the motivation that she should need to walk . She is and always has been a free agent in his situation: it does not appear that this man has ever made any attempt to force her to stay.

He isn't being authentic, he's a manipulative bully.

He says it’s shallow for sex to be the glue to a relationship or a dealbreaker. Maybe that’s why I stayed this long to not seem as if I’m superficial. However the real issue here is the lack of concern for my feelings, needs and wants.
Anyway I’ve had enough posts to show me he’s wrong for me, I made a poor choice, I’m stupid having stayed so long and not only must end it but do some soul searching

It is very difficult to believe that a person could find any of this mans behaviour acceptable. But if it is the case, please consider some counselling to build up your self worth and esteem, no one should allow themselves to be treated like that.

Yea its the dentists are the lure...my arse.

Don't call yourself names like stupid. He's been gaslighting you and that's a bit of a slow boil sometimes.

You have figured it out which is emotional intelligence. Well done.

No he hasn’t forced me but he has said I’ll be miserable if I leave him

More gaslighting

2 years putting up with this shit? Good grief, don't waste another day of your life on him.

Jeeeees....what the hell you putting up with that for?

I don't police posts to check every post you made.Sounds like you are policing pp thread,if she is bothering you that much then just don't post on her thread anymore, she asked for support not for people to kick her whilst she is already feeling down

Take no notice. He's making you miserable now and has been for most of your time together!
Everything's about him, isn't it! Sounds like a narc.