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Original poster

To keep dating him or not? Doesn't drive or earn very much

260 replies

CattyCattle · 04/07/2023 14:35

I've recently started dating a man who doesn't drive and takes home just under 2k a month. He lives in a house share, spends his money on socialising and fun.

On paper he's my cup of tea apart from the above. We bounce off each other really good!

But he also has death grip from wanking so much. Sex is good but goes on for a long time, too long!

He seems like a really nice guy and I'm worried I'm being a bit too choosy. I do like him but I don't have butterflies. I wonder if I'm finding things not to like that I wouldn't care about if I had those butterflies.

OP posts:
ilovemydogmore · 04/07/2023 14:38

If you have to ask...

Thankfulforthenewday · 04/07/2023 14:39

How much do you earn per month? What is your net worth?

Personally, I could not do with the death grip situation unless I was having multiple orgasms the entire time.

Loubelou14 · 04/07/2023 14:39

Death grip?

Always4Brenner · 04/07/2023 14:40

No butterflies don’t go there plus the sex going on too long unless he’s giving you pleasure forget it. You’ll end up sore and bored.

Namechangedforthis60 · 04/07/2023 14:41

My partner doesn’t drive or earn a huge amount, but I definitely had the butterflies (and still do now!) plus he has a lot of great attributes which I adore about him.
I think the death grip would be an issue for me
unless other bedroom areas are great!
Without that spark and excitement, little things can quickly become big things which become dealbreakers!

As pp said, if you have to ask…
there’s definitely someone out there who is right for you!

CottagePieLaLaLa · 04/07/2023 14:43

If you earn significantly more and enjoying spending more, I'd say it's not a good match. You'll end up either subsidizing him, or not doing the things you'd like to do as a couple because he can't afford them.

Original poster
CattyCattle · 04/07/2023 14:45

Lots of multiple orgasms but realistically it's going to get old quickly.

Death grip is where penis sensation is lost due to excessive wanking so it takes absolutely ages for them to cum and they finish off by wanking.

I earn about 6/700 quid a month more so it's not like I'm rich and wanting someone else who is rich and I'm not materalistic. He just doesn't seem to have adulted enough to get shit together. Both in our thirties. I don't want to be the driver either.

But I do like him, just these things are putting me off and I'm not sure if I'm looking for things or if he's genuinely not right.

OP posts:
FarTooHotForMe · 04/07/2023 14:47

I wouldn’t date not because of his income but the lack of butterflies.

BarryK3nt · 04/07/2023 14:47

I think just under 2k a month is pretty normal, the driving and death grip thing would put me off though.

OhBling · 04/07/2023 14:48

well, I think in the beginning you should want to be spending lots of time together and definitely having great sex. If you're not... then the money is irrelevant but this ins't the relationship for you.

The money in itself isn't an issue. The issue is his attitude to money, earning etc and how he operates as prt of a partnership. eg he earns quite little, but does he pay his way when you're out and about or does he happily let you pick up the tab every time, does he do his share of the heavy lifting - planning ,organising etc?

DH has always earned a fraction of what I earned. But from day 1 it has never been an issue. early on, he spent his last £100 on a pair of boots for me - any money he's ever had he's always been happy to share with or give to me. And he certainly has done his bit in all the other ways.

MadeofCheeese · 04/07/2023 14:48

Does not earn very much?
I'm on a bit less than 2k per month and in my family that is quite a high wage!

Sandra1984 · 04/07/2023 14:52

CattyCattle · 04/07/2023 14:45

Lots of multiple orgasms but realistically it's going to get old quickly.

Death grip is where penis sensation is lost due to excessive wanking so it takes absolutely ages for them to cum and they finish off by wanking.

I earn about 6/700 quid a month more so it's not like I'm rich and wanting someone else who is rich and I'm not materalistic. He just doesn't seem to have adulted enough to get shit together. Both in our thirties. I don't want to be the driver either.

But I do like him, just these things are putting me off and I'm not sure if I'm looking for things or if he's genuinely not right.

Did you say you earn 6700 pm or between 600 and 700 pm?

SadKendall · 04/07/2023 14:55

How old is he?

Death grip would definitely put me off.

Not driving would slightly put me off - does he intend to learn?

His salary sounds pretty average tbh, not that terrible.

Snoken · 04/07/2023 14:55

I think you need to be more choosy, not less. He is supposed to make you feel like you are on cloud nine, he is supposed to enhance your life. You don't need to settle for an unambitious (not saying everyone on low income are but he sounds like he is) and manic wanker. You are right that the orgasms and long sex acts will get old soon. There is a Swedish saying that is basically: a big dick is a poor consolation in a poor home. He needs to have more to offer you than sex.

Original poster
CattyCattle · 04/07/2023 14:56

I don't think just under 2k is normal for the type of men I usually date. I do usually like a tradie and they earn 2k a week on a good week. Even lorry drivers are all over 65k a year now.

We've gone 50/50 which I don't mind, but I've never gone 50/50 before! I know I must sound like a princess but in my head all I can see is it costing me.

There are plusses to him. He's nice, he's thoughful, no kids, had therapy after ex and been single over a year. Same sense of humour and interests. He really likes me! I feel like I can't quite look at him.

OP posts:
Johnisafckface · 04/07/2023 15:00

FarTooHotForMe · 04/07/2023 14:47

I wouldn’t date not because of his income but the lack of butterflies.

This. I never had butterflies with my ex and I tried to make it work, but I never felt we got past the "good friends" stage.

Original poster
CattyCattle · 04/07/2023 15:00

I woke up at his this morning and couldn't put my clothes on and get out the door fast enough! And usually I'm a cuddly person.

My friends are saying to go with it and see what happens and that the butterflies aren't there because he's a nice guy and I don't feel anxious about whether he will text me back or not.

OP posts:
AnonKat · 04/07/2023 15:02

I think your delusional if you think 2k a week is normal.

But you don't need a reason to not be in a relationship. Just dump and more on.

StrawberryPavlova · 04/07/2023 15:05

How old are you both?

Aquamarine1029 · 04/07/2023 15:07

CattyCattle · 04/07/2023 15:00

I woke up at his this morning and couldn't put my clothes on and get out the door fast enough! And usually I'm a cuddly person.

My friends are saying to go with it and see what happens and that the butterflies aren't there because he's a nice guy and I don't feel anxious about whether he will text me back or not.

Good grief, op. It's already over. Ignore friends who can easily sit back and watch you waste your life on a man you are absolutely not suited for.

Original poster
CattyCattle · 04/07/2023 15:07

My exh easily made 2k a week with his trade.

My boyfriend before made 1k a week standard plus money on materials.

Lorry drivers make 65k year plus so thats over 3k a month. Train drivers are on 80. Engineers 65k a year.

I don't think most men are on less then 2k a month!

OP posts:
Anklespraying · 04/07/2023 15:07

Ages ago I was Online dating and met a man, similar age, who was very keen to get into bed. I eventually decided the time was right and he couldn't get it up for more than 30 seconds and decided to give himself a massive self pleasuring right there and then instead.

I had to go into the bathroom to laugh and gag. The vague explanation about his ex not being interested in sex made sense suddenly.

Awful. I mentioned his erectile dysfunction suggesting he saw a doctor and he ranted at me for calling him inadequate! He blamed me saying I wasn't doing it for him. I asked him why he was so desperate to get me in the sack if I didn't do it for him.

Honestly, porn sick men, you should just tell them asap as they move on to mess with another woman if you don't.

Gpnever · 04/07/2023 15:07

Sounds like he isn’t motivated by the same things you are

it might get v annoying if you pursue it further

I say this as someone who is with a guy who was like this when we met. He has a good job now etc but his hearts never been in it. If we were not together / didn’t have kids I think he would just seek out the lowest possible responsibility life he could . I’ve always felt really mismatched with him on a basic level as I am motivated for work etc for it’s own sake, and he isn’t. We can’t understand one another.

we love each other but there will always be a bit of resentment on either side.

Somanycats · 04/07/2023 15:08

a tradie and they earn 2k a week on a good week. Even lorry drivers are all over 65k a year now.
Hahaha

Anklespraying · 04/07/2023 15:08

CattyCattle · 04/07/2023 15:00

I woke up at his this morning and couldn't put my clothes on and get out the door fast enough! And usually I'm a cuddly person.

My friends are saying to go with it and see what happens and that the butterflies aren't there because he's a nice guy and I don't feel anxious about whether he will text me back or not.

That's definitely not the reaction you have to a keeper!

Escape! And tell him why.

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