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Original poster

To keep dating him or not? Doesn't drive or earn very much

260 replies

CattyCattle · 04/07/2023 14:35

I've recently started dating a man who doesn't drive and takes home just under 2k a month. He lives in a house share, spends his money on socialising and fun.

On paper he's my cup of tea apart from the above. We bounce off each other really good!

But he also has death grip from wanking so much. Sex is good but goes on for a long time, too long!

He seems like a really nice guy and I'm worried I'm being a bit too choosy. I do like him but I don't have butterflies. I wonder if I'm finding things not to like that I wouldn't care about if I had those butterflies.

OP posts:
SpainToday · 04/07/2023 19:35

When my first marriage broke down, I turned down a date with a really good looking guy, because he didn’t drive. It somehow emasculated him, not to mention it’s a basic life skill that you expect people to have? Ok, if you live in central London or New York then maybe you can get away with it, but I’m in a rural-ish area where (nearly) everyone learns to drive when they turn 17.

I remember posting about it here, some years later, and got totally annihilated …

BeverlyHa · 04/07/2023 19:39

him 2000 and you even 1000 and you will be merrily live a good life in the North. The sex .......if he was a single for a long time .....will take him longer time to get used to you or any other woman's body.....but that comes also

just two ideas

SpainToday · 04/07/2023 19:54

BeverlyHa · 04/07/2023 19:39

him 2000 and you even 1000 and you will be merrily live a good life in the North. The sex .......if he was a single for a long time .....will take him longer time to get used to you or any other woman's body.....but that comes also

just two ideas

Hello from The North - you need more than £3k per month up here to live a merrily good life. Interest rates do actually rise north of Watford!

myNewName21 · 04/07/2023 20:02

Naimee87 · 04/07/2023 19:35

Ewwwwww run for the hills!!!!!! You deserve way waay waaay better!!

I think you mean

he deserves way waay waaay better!!

pillsthrillsandbellyache · 04/07/2023 20:24

Why don't some women like it when other women have standards for themselves? He doesn't drive, earns shit money for a man in his thirties, lives in a houshare IN HIS THIRTIES, can't shag properly and is rough in bed, even when the OP asks him to stop what he is doing. Not only are those posters standards for men so low, they are encouraging another woman to lower her standards. Its fucking grim 😬Good for you OP, wait for the butterflies it'll be worth it. This one hasn't quite got the grasp of adulting just yet.

SadKendall · 04/07/2023 20:42

What's your salary then OP?

If you're such a special important princess? Tell us the amazing salary you're on, since you're so fixated on earnings.

myNewName21 · 04/07/2023 20:53

pillsthrillsandbellyache · 04/07/2023 20:24

Why don't some women like it when other women have standards for themselves? He doesn't drive, earns shit money for a man in his thirties, lives in a houshare IN HIS THIRTIES, can't shag properly and is rough in bed, even when the OP asks him to stop what he is doing. Not only are those posters standards for men so low, they are encouraging another woman to lower her standards. Its fucking grim 😬Good for you OP, wait for the butterflies it'll be worth it. This one hasn't quite got the grasp of adulting just yet.

by her own admission the OP only earns 600 quid a month more, that’s hardly setting the world on fire, looks down on people who earn less, is shocked when she pay her own pay her own way and doesn’t seem to grasp the fundamentals of public transport, if you think that’s good adulting, then god help the rest of society

Humidititties · 04/07/2023 20:58

You've never gone 50/50 before? Does that mean you expect a man to pay every time?

Original poster
CattyCattle · 04/07/2023 21:20

No I've never gone 50/50. I always offer, or buy drinks, usually even drinks doesn't get accepted. I don't date high earners as such. Just men with trades or careers. I wouldn't let a man pay for me if I knew I had no intention of seeing him again. I haven't dated a guy who doesn't drive either.

I'm not really sure why that's getting on some posters nerves. I don't think I'm some sort of goddess, it's just not the norm for me.

In a relationship money is more shared. I would book and pay for things to do. But not in the dating stage. Not a conscious decision of mine, more the decision of the man as when you're dating they are trying to impress.

OP posts:
Original poster
CattyCattle · 04/07/2023 21:25

Oh and he told me about the death grip himself! I joked about it and he said well actually..

I'm an open book so tend to get a lot of openness back.

Gosh I've really riled a few posters up haven't I! Even down to insults about how I might be shit in bed if he goes on for ages!

I'm quite surprised how many women would be okay with all of this! No wonder the relationship board is full!

OP posts:
SadKendall · 04/07/2023 21:27

Is it completely normal in your circles for men to earn twice your salary?

SayHi · 04/07/2023 21:32

I'm quite surprised how many women would be okay with all of this! No wonder the relationship board is full!

Most women aren’t shallow enough to judge a man on whether he can drive or his salary (especially when it’s similar to their own).

If you need a man that can drive and earn more than you that’s fine.
But I don’t know why you’re still wasting this guys time when you know it’s not really what you want.

Hibiscrubbed · 04/07/2023 21:33

Jesus Christ. Why on earth are you still pursuing this?

He lives like a student, he’s skint, he can’t drive, he wanks like a chimp and is so vigorous he’s wrecked the narve endings in his bellend.

😬

Humidititties · 04/07/2023 21:34

But why wouldn't you pay for things in the dating stage?

Original poster
CattyCattle · 04/07/2023 21:42

@Hibiscrubbed because we like the same music and films fml. My friends think I'm being a bit avoident and finding things to get the ick about 🤡 I feel like this thread has helped me unpick whether I'm running away from a nice guy who wants a relationship (and hey none of us are perfect) or if these little twinges that something isn't right, or not. I've worked out that I'm just not that into him and that's okay. It doesn't even matter about the things I've picked to be put off him, I would have found anything as I'm not into him. He's really into me though.

OP posts:
Lili132 · 04/07/2023 21:42

AnonKat · 04/07/2023 15:02

I think your delusional if you think 2k a week is normal.

But you don't need a reason to not be in a relationship. Just dump and more on.

I live in South East and that kind of salary doesn't take you very far here. So it really depends where you are etc

Original poster
CattyCattle · 04/07/2023 21:46

@Humidititties why would you? If you've gone for a nice meal and the man is insisting that he pays and you do have every intention of seeing him again, why would you further insist that you pay. It's a bit crass to refuse a gift is it not? Even when I've said thank you I'll pay next time I've been overruled on subsequent dates. Maybe I just haven't dated enough, or everyone I've dated It's gone to be a relationship so I don't date men who are just trying to get in your knickers.

OP posts:
SpainToday · 04/07/2023 21:47

Most women aren’t shallow enough to judge a man on whether he can drive

@SayHi expecting a man to have acquired a basic life skill is not shallow. What next? Should we encourage women to date men who can’t read?

Original poster
CattyCattle · 04/07/2023 21:48

Although what I will say in favour of 50/50 is that I don't feel guilty/bad for telling him I don't want to see him again! I don't owe him anything!

OP posts:
sammylady37 · 04/07/2023 21:50

Even when I've said thank you I'll pay next time I've been overruled on subsequent dates

You’ve been overruled? Overruled?? Have you any agency of your own? Are you passive in general or just when being subsidised?

PS if you really wanted to pay to could do so en route to the bathroom before he’s had a chance ask for the bill.

Notamum12345577 · 04/07/2023 21:54

CattyCattle · 04/07/2023 18:33

I suppose it must depend where in the country you live. I helped my exh and the bf before that with their businesses and know how much they earned as I did quotes, invoices and general paperwork.

National rail engineers are definitely on 65K.

Anyway, it wasn't a thread about average wages. It was more that he earns a bit less then 2k a month and to me that's not standard. And, it wasn't really about the money. I had a list of reasons when actually it was that I am not that into him.

National rail engineers generally aren’t on at least 65 (I know, i am one!). Some are, some are on more. I’m on 58, I’ve worked my way up a bit. Majority (the most common skilled role) are high 30s, up to early 40s.

Notamum12345577 · 04/07/2023 21:55

Notamum12345577 · 04/07/2023 21:54

National rail engineers generally aren’t on at least 65 (I know, i am one!). Some are, some are on more. I’m on 58, I’ve worked my way up a bit. Majority (the most common skilled role) are high 30s, up to early 40s.

Show quote history

And this is the SE England / London

GeriatricMumma · 04/07/2023 21:56

I've been with a lot of wankers and I have to say 'death grip' is a new one on me 😂

Original poster
CattyCattle · 04/07/2023 22:01

@GeriatricMumma I've been with a few as well. My exh used to wank in his work van, the shower every morning, every night we didn't dtd. Sometimes he'd take viagra and spend all day wanking if he had the house to himself 😂 . He didn't have death grip. This new guy has really ruined himself if he did it more than that!!

OP posts:
SayHi · 04/07/2023 22:19

SpainToday · 04/07/2023 21:47

Most women aren’t shallow enough to judge a man on whether he can drive

@SayHi expecting a man to have acquired a basic life skill is not shallow. What next? Should we encourage women to date men who can’t read?

Its hardly a basic life skill is it FFS.

I didn’t learn to drive at 17 either.
I was in my 20s.

I know women who didn’t learn to drive until they were in their 40s.
It doesn’t make them any less of a person.

If a man wouldn’t date me or any of these women just because they couldn’t drive then I’d be glad to have dodged a bullet as he sounds like a twat.

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