Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

To keep dating him or not? Doesn't drive or earn very much

260 replies

CattyCattle · 04/07/2023 14:35

I've recently started dating a man who doesn't drive and takes home just under 2k a month. He lives in a house share, spends his money on socialising and fun.

On paper he's my cup of tea apart from the above. We bounce off each other really good!

But he also has death grip from wanking so much. Sex is good but goes on for a long time, too long!

He seems like a really nice guy and I'm worried I'm being a bit too choosy. I do like him but I don't have butterflies. I wonder if I'm finding things not to like that I wouldn't care about if I had those butterflies.

OP posts:
Arewehumanorarewecupboards · 04/07/2023 15:28

Thanks @sodthesodoff I had already apologised to the op after two posters pointed it out.

chocobaby · 04/07/2023 15:30

Not for me but to each their own. I earn well above that but call me materialistic, I won’t date a man who earns same or less than I do.

death grip and the rate he watches what causes a death grip and not driving is a no from me. Especially if you don’t get butterflies 🦋
I will walk away…

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 04/07/2023 15:30

Poor bloke. Finish with him. You sound very materialistic.

Iamclearlyamug · 04/07/2023 15:32

Can't he learn to drive?

The wages wouldn't bother me at all

The death grip would bother me - that might be a deal breaker

SadKendall · 04/07/2023 15:33

You've never paid 50/50?!

Sounds like you're the red flag 🚩

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 04/07/2023 15:33

If you have to ask, you're just not that into him. Move on.

Cheeseandlobster · 04/07/2023 15:34

Aggielera · 04/07/2023 15:09

It really doesn’t sound like you’re a good match tbh.

But good luck getting one of your tradies to settle down and be faithful. If that’s what you want.

2k really isn’t a terrible salary. You do sound a bit princessy.

This.

ABugWife · 04/07/2023 15:39

You can't look at him because he earns less than you?

In his career what is the potential to progress compared to yours?

Legomania · 04/07/2023 15:40

WunWun · 04/07/2023 15:16

I would also point out that you're in here whinging about someone earning a pittance of just under £2k a month and who doesn't drive to an open audience - loads of people reading this don't earn that much and don't drive, are they all worthless too?

Why don't you have the emotional intelligence to see that you're potentially offending people?

Half the threads on MN wouldn't exist if this was a major concern for most posters. Anonymous honesty is one of the main draws of message boards

WunWun · 04/07/2023 15:44

Legomania · 04/07/2023 15:40

Half the threads on MN wouldn't exist if this was a major concern for most posters. Anonymous honesty is one of the main draws of message boards

Show quote history

Fair enough, people should post away. But they should also not complain when people judge them on it!

Original poster
CattyCattle · 04/07/2023 15:49

@Anklespraying sorry I didn't read you said he woke you up choking before I said hilarious! How awful!

With the posting about money.. MN is full of threads about where to holiday, what to spend money on, cleaners, etc etc. I don't see why money can't be talked about. I'm not even a high earner. Get off your high horse!

I also don't think it's the money that's really putting me off either. I think I've put that on mental list of pros and cons. I'm just not that into him and using that as a reason. I wanted to be in to him. It could be that there's no chase and actually I'm quite avoident after my divorce. I think not driving is the main reason, and he's a bit rough in bed. Not terribly so, but yes you can tell he's watched a lot of porn.

**

OP posts:
Bananabreadandstrawberries · 04/07/2023 15:50

Dump him today!

If you don’t have butterflies now it’s wrong for you.
I don’t think a man should ask for 50/50 while dating.
Keep your standards.
Death grip sounds disgusting!

FloweryWowery · 04/07/2023 15:53

Porn addled wank hound. Raise your bar.

mondaytosunday · 04/07/2023 15:58

You've answered your own question. You are looking for reasons as he isn't the right guy gif you.
There are plenty of nice men out there, but you want more than that as a reason to date someone.

Atichen · 04/07/2023 16:00

I wouldnt necessarily be put off by the not driving... my partner doesn't drive (hes always lived in a city never needed to and i doult will ever learn) I need a car for my job.

I've never felt put on though, he's never expected or makes me drive, and is gratful when i do..always offer/suggests the train/taxi/bus instead so i can have a drink (what he would have done befor me) though we do live somewhere with good public transport and i do like the train for long journeys.. I'm happy to drive some times (when we go camping as I don't pack light) but it's always my choice

huntingcunting · 04/07/2023 16:03

I don't think 2K is a terrible salary. You don't actually earn that much more.

The driving thing - I didn't learn to drive until I was 37, because I didn't actually need a car before then and no, I wasn't scrounging lifts off people. The men I dated didn't have cars either because we lived in a city where it wasn't necessary to have a car.
It would depend on whether he was expecting to be given lifts everywhere or if you're going out for a day, you always end up driving because he won't pay for a train fare or something. Or if he gets driven all over the place by you and won't contribute to petrol.

The death grip thing - yuk.

I think you're not feeling it and just listing possible reasons to justify ending it. If you were really in to him the different of 600 quid between your and his salaries wouldn't bother you.

You say you can't even look at him, so do him a favour and end it so he can find someone who is a better match.

buzzlightyearsgloves · 04/07/2023 16:04

If he's taking home just under 2k a month that's hardly a minimum wage job. I think you're the issue tbh.

Annalisea · 04/07/2023 16:05

Surely you want to be with someone because you like them and their qualities not because of what they earn! Lack of butterflies is an issue though. You don’t dump someone because they don’t drive or earn very much .

huntingcunting · 04/07/2023 16:06

Annalisea · 04/07/2023 16:05

Surely you want to be with someone because you like them and their qualities not because of what they earn! Lack of butterflies is an issue though. You don’t dump someone because they don’t drive or earn very much .

She probably wouldn't dump him for that if she really fancied him and if he didn't have a death grip from too much porn

Original poster
CattyCattle · 04/07/2023 16:08

I don't think he would put it on me to drive. He's a nice guy, he didn't even give any slight hint for a lift home the time he stayed at mine.

He's really really nice. And for some reason he's putting me off and I don't know why.

I don't massively care about the death grip either. He can (very crudely) finish himself off if I'm finished. Although I can see it being a problem later down the line. I definitely had that - ffs hurry up feeling.

I think he would 100% pull his weight, he fixed my radiator when he was at mine. He's offered to fix my wardrobe. He really seems lovely. And something is putting me off. I'm going to have to end it, you can't be with someone and not want to look at them!

OP posts:
GeorgeMichaelsCat · 04/07/2023 16:11

He sounds grim

Macaroni46 · 04/07/2023 16:14

CattyCattle · 04/07/2023 15:07

My exh easily made 2k a week with his trade.

My boyfriend before made 1k a week standard plus money on materials.

Lorry drivers make 65k year plus so thats over 3k a month. Train drivers are on 80. Engineers 65k a year.

I don't think most men are on less then 2k a month!

Missing the point of the post but I think I might become a lorry driver 😂 As a teacher I barely get more than 2k per month.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/07/2023 16:17

He's really really nice. And for some reason he's putting me off and I don't know why.

Fucking hell. This is the long and short of it, right here. There's just something about him that doesn't work for you, and you don't have to be able to describe it. He may be the nicest person the world has ever known, he could be the most generous man alive, it just doesn't matter. There is that "something" that puts you off, and that means it will never work. Stop messing him about and just end it.

Original poster
CattyCattle · 04/07/2023 16:17

@Macaroni46 I've been thinking about it too! But you do have to sleep on laybyes and help with loading at warehouses at times. And also I would put weight on by sitting down all day/night. 😂

OP posts:
LaylaLjungberg · 04/07/2023 16:18

By explaining death grip you have genuinely helped me. Cheers OP

Move on you don’t want to be looking after him.

Swipe left for the next trending thread