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Original poster

Husband wants to try anal

470 replies

Somethingdiferent · 02/07/2023 22:58

I had a baby 6 months ago and I'm too uncomfortable with the idea of penetrative sex after a really traumatic birth and a 3rd, almost 4th degree tear - husband thinks a solution to our lack of intimacy is to try anal. Now I'm not necessarily against the idea, but we've been married for 11 years and this has never featured in our bedroom before. I am considering trying it but I'm terrified it will hurt like hell.. he assures me that it will be fine and that he knows what to do ect. My concern is that WHY is this only being mentioned NOW? In the 17 years we've been together (we got together very young) and our 11 years of marriage, he has never once suggested we try this, nor has he even dropped hints?

So I'm wondering if I'm just being insecure and overthinking this (YABU), or has he been wanting to try this for a long time and just used this as an opportunity to suggest it(YANBU)??

Also any advice on if you have tried this after having a traumatic birth etc please let me know if this helped your intimacy?

OP posts:
YerAWizardHarry · 02/07/2023 23:00

YABU because there’s a sex board..

JudgeAnderson · 02/07/2023 23:00

Porn, in a word. That's what will have inspired that ittle fantasy.
And it almost certainly will hurt.

Original poster
Somethingdiferent · 02/07/2023 23:00

@YerAWizardHarry I didn't know this, my apologies!!

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 02/07/2023 23:01

There’s a sex board.

Never do anything you’re terrified of doing, obviously.

ContractQuestion · 02/07/2023 23:01

I wouldn't.

wildfirewonder · 02/07/2023 23:01

You don't have to do this, and you don't need a reason to say no.

You need to read very carefully about the risks before deciding.

He doesn't sound very nice tbh, so don't be pressured.

AndTheSurveySays · 02/07/2023 23:02

JFC I can't even begin to describe how violent my reaction would be to such a suggestion as a solution intimacy issues so soon after birth. Wtf.

RocketIceLollie · 02/07/2023 23:02

Say on the condition that you get to peg him in return! Lol

TokyoStories · 02/07/2023 23:02

Jesus Christ. No.

Ponoka7 · 02/07/2023 23:02

It will hurt and probably won't help your sex drive, or how you feel about yourself, or your marriage. Is hand and mouth not been tried? Why isn't that good enough?

MoMandaS · 02/07/2023 23:02

It won't help your intimacy at all. Please don't do things with him that you're questioning. He needs to be patient and if he isn't, you don't owe him anything.

Xrays · 02/07/2023 23:02

AndTheSurveySays · 02/07/2023 23:02

JFC I can't even begin to describe how violent my reaction would be to such a suggestion as a solution intimacy issues so soon after birth. Wtf.

Same.

I feel disgusted just reading your post - the amount of pressure and lack of understanding he has. Horrible. He can just fuck off.

Thepeopleversuswork · 02/07/2023 23:03

YerAWizardHarry · 02/07/2023 23:00

YABU because there’s a sex board..

Oh bugger off.

I would tell him to piss off. You've just had a baby, your body is still recovering. His desire for some porn-inspired fantasy is the last thing on your mind and quite right.

If you like the idea of it go for it but it doesn't sound like you do. And six months post-partum pandering to his desire to spice up his sex life is (rightly) quite a long way down your list of priorities.

ecuse · 02/07/2023 23:03

I would suggest that I'd you're still recovering from a traumatic birth and don't feel ready for vaginal sex, it's not the time to do anal for the first time. Your "D"H needs to cool his boots and be patient not find ways to pressure you into getting his rocks off no matter how you're feeling...

OnTheRunWithMannyMontana · 02/07/2023 23:03

Sounds like he just wants a hole.

A hard no is a hard no. After so long together he should understand that.

DemonicCaveMaggot · 02/07/2023 23:04

I would suggest buying a strap on and tell him he can try it first and then tell you what its like. Then tell him you aren't going to do it.

Hawkins0001 · 02/07/2023 23:04

@Somethingdiferent
Firstly only try if your sure
Then in stages there is lub as a must.
Then to try there are various "equipment for that region" (eBay)

Then progress at your own pace.

That said all the best and positivity op.

Thehop · 02/07/2023 23:04

Your husband is a selfish Twat.

TastesLikeStrawberriesOnASummerEvening · 02/07/2023 23:05

Christ alive, no.

Backstreets · 02/07/2023 23:05

RocketIceLollie · 02/07/2023 23:02

Say on the condition that you get to peg him in return! Lol

Yeah, tell him he has to go first the cheeky bastard.

MrsElsa · 02/07/2023 23:06

He sounds delightful.

Can't bear to think how little he respects you to even say this out loud.

I really hope you have friends and family support IRL to spend time with, away from this lunatic

eandz13 · 02/07/2023 23:06

I mean, from your post it sounds like he's probably just suggesting it as an alternative to vaginal sex if you're currently uncomfortable with that... so it was just another option to mull over?

Anal is fine (if you're careful and do your research properly), but do not do anything at all that you're not certain about and completely comfortable with. Do not do it just for his sake.

Curseofthenation · 02/07/2023 23:07

It's definitely a porn influence. If you don't want to do it then don't. You birthed his child and he needs to respect your recovery and boundaries. Tell him to go back online and leave you alone.

I say that as someone that felt ready for sex quite quickly and has had anal sex. There's no way I would prioritise my DH's needs above my own. You shouldn't either.

Calloffruity · 02/07/2023 23:07

I'd tell him to fuck right off.

StarDolphins · 02/07/2023 23:08

this would be a massive no from me. He just sounds like a randy insensitive fool. Tell him it’s a hand job from you or one from himself.