Husband wants to try anal

[Somethingdiferent]

I had a baby 6 months ago and I'm too uncomfortable with the idea of penetrative sex after a really traumatic birth and a 3rd, almost 4th degree tear - husband thinks a solution to our lack of intimacy is to try anal. Now I'm not necessarily against the idea, but we've been married for 11 years and this has never featured in our bedroom before. I am considering trying it but I'm terrified it will hurt like hell.. he assures me that it will be fine and that he knows what to do ect. My concern is that WHY is this only being mentioned NOW? In the 17 years we've been together (we got together very young) and our 11 years of marriage, he has never once suggested we try this, nor has he even dropped hints?

So I'm wondering if I'm just being insecure and overthinking this (YABU), or has he been wanting to try this for a long time and just used this as an opportunity to suggest it(YANBU)??

Also any advice on if you have tried this after having a traumatic birth etc please let me know if this helped your intimacy?

Just one last thing. When someone’s had a 3rd/4th degree tear, it’s diminishing to talk about still being ‘sore’. It’s quite an extensive injury to the integrity of the perineum and, to an extent, rectum. A lot of the problems on this thread could have been avoided if people had bothered to look up what it is before commenting. You’ve got the internet right there in front of you.

No-one trained me. I made discoveries about what I liked, what I didn't like; What feels good, what doesn't. I am not an expert, and never will be because it's not some kind of job, is it?

And this is not a pile-on by the way. This is people simply telling you about their experiences.

It is very unnatural.

It is equilavent to taking a poo backwards.

So you were an expert at sexual acts from the get go? No training required, you knew exactly what you were doing?

Traning? What the fuck am I reading?

There is a world of difference between ‘some women don’t find it painful/uncomfortable’ and ‘it only hurts if you’re not doing it properly’.

Sure, some women generally enjoy it. They are by far the minority.

As for ‘training’ I’m happy to keep my sphincter nice and tight thanks. It stops me shitting my pants every time I fart.

The op doesn't want to do it, that should be the end of it and the Dh should be way more considerate of his Dw.

I guess they mean to be good at x activity usually it takes training rather than just instantly knowing exactly how to perform x activity

I think "practice" rather than "training" in what is supposedly an intimate, loving activity - though that doesn't seem to be OP's "dear" husband's take. Nothing intimate or loving there.

That's true the ops husband is a pickle of the highest order

Pickle is too kind a word for him! 😆

It takes 10,000 hours of practice to reach genius level expertise at any activity. I am a sex genius.

😲

Correction: sexpert.

Very true but was not sure if I'd get censored.

Ask him what size strap on you should buy ;)

This. Absolutely perfect response. Chef’s kiss 😂

Tbh if you don't want to don't do it.

You could try it if you want. You are right it does hurt. On the 3 times I have tried it I found it really uncomfortable on all occasions and felt like I was just doing it because he wanted to so after the 3rd time I was like tbh I don't like this and you have tried it now so I'd rather not. If he wanted to do it again at some point maybe I would buy it would be a very rare occasion as it really doesn't benefit me in anyway and would be purely for his experience, which I think is fine sometimes but like yeah it's absolutely not a replacement for normal sex.

Are you having psychosexual therapy about your tear and trauma? I had a very traumatic birth and couldn't have sex for a year afterwards. It was too painful. They gave me dilators at the psychosexual therapy clinic along with counselling about it and the two combined helped and eventually I could have penetrative sex again and eventually it all stopped hurting. Would definitely recommend getting a referral to your local clinic it really helped me.

Disagree with all the omg he's a disgrace comments though. He asked to try something, you either want to or don't want to and say that. It's not disgraceful to ask your partner about a sex act you are interested in aslong as you fully respect their wishes about trying it.

Agree with other posters in that this is not an exercise in sadism, rather a hamfisted attempt at compromise which demonstrates a lack of knowledge of female anatomy on the husband's part. I think the crucial thing here is for the OP to be able to explain to their husband why it might not be a good idea because it will be painful, but this is not a rejection of him or the sexual aspect of their relationship. It's a sad fact of life that men and women are not always aware of each others physicality and at the same time don't want to disappoint or reject their partner.