Would you think my husband might be gay?

[MentalToad]

We have sex but never touches me down there or goes down on me. Totally uninterested, possibly a little disgusted by vagina!!

I try asking him and he says yeah OK but never ever does it. He also flips me over a lot and used to want to do anal a lot. But that's stopped as we got old and boring

Also he has a weird thing where he hero worships his bloke mates and is generally uninterested in women, in social situations.

Am I reading too much into it?

I wouldn't think he was gay, no. But he sounds selfish.

Yeah sure he might be but also he may just not like women.
There are a lot of men who don’t like women, they don’t see them as equal, they aren’t interested in them and tend to, as you say hero worship other men.
The only difference here is that those men tend to only use women for sex and considering your partner doesn’t seem overly interested in sex… maybe not.

Either way, is this relationship what you want? Does it satisfy you emotionally and give you what you need or is it all a bit shit.

Gay or not gay, everyone deserves to be in a relationship which makes them feel loved and secure, and sex and intimacy is part of that. If he’s withholding intimacy or makes you feel bad about your body etc, some bigger questions need to be asked

I wouldn't necessarily say gay on that alone

A lot of people arent into oral sex but not even touching you down there?! What DOES he do for foreplay?

@Bababear987 very little. very little indeed.

He just finds periods, or my knickers or whatever quite gross seemingly. I definitely don't feel desired in any way.

He doesn't like women, does he? He prefers to be with men - whether that includes his sexual preference or not, who knows?

What would a separate life look like?

Not gay but vaginas are a bit gross and some men just don't enjoy the touching /smell/ feel etc. Or he is just a bit selfish or inexperienced and doesn't really know what to do with it?

It certainly sounds like it's a strong possibility.

If you have any gay male friends try asking them if they ever see 'straight' married men on the hook up apps. There are a lot of them on there looking for sex with men. Even in 2023 there are a lot of closeted young and youngish men.

can you really see yourself with this man long-term?

He sounds misogynistic to me. In the true sense of the term. Plenty of straight men respect men over women, male opinions over women's and think their mates are awesome.

Being gay isn't just about sex, it's emotional and romantic connections first and foremost.

How did you end up married to him? I think whether he is gay or not is a red herring. Even if he is straight do you want to stay in this relationship, with someone who makes you feel this way. You’re supposed to enjoy each others bodies, not find it a turn of and flip you over to get it done.

It seems to point that way. I’m so sorry.

The anal bit is a tad worrying. Yuk. (Does he expect you to enema beforehand? )

Perhaps he flips you over so he can pretend something different but I think you’ve tumbled to that?

How do you see the rest of your life with him? It’s not very intimately satisfying so far is it?

If he is homosexually inclined, it’ll come out sooner or later.

Do yourself a favour and just plan how to move on. You can be much happier than this. Is he functional sexually? Could he have ED.... Based on what you say it could be that he's porn addicted and has developed an obsession with shaved or anal. I'd confront him about sexuality and observe his reaction closely.

Are you saying that vaginas are more gross than male genitalia? Problematic if so.

Perhaps you should have addressed the problem before you married him?

what woman would want to be with such a man?

Thank you for being SO helpful 💜

Are there straight men who don't like vulvas and vaginas? Seems a bit unlikely tbh 🤔

Sorry OP but yes I think he might be gay and even if he isn’t your sex life doesn’t sound like much fun for you.

most of us need more than PIV to have a good time.

Sounds a bit rubbish for you.

Jesus wept

It is always possible he is gay. Or maybe he is just hopeless like a lot of men.

I would definitely think there was something like that going on.

Gosh what a strange view!

Straight men love vaginas. It’s kind of their thing. That’s why they’re straight.

@Maddy70

exactly ⬆️

also, have you never heard of knob cheese??

never met a man who did not like a vagina😂

@bonzaitree

i dunno, I think you can be ambivalent about them and still be straight.
I wouldn’t say I love penises but I’m straight.