Would you think my husband might be gay?

[MentalToad]

We have sex but never touches me down there or goes down on me. Totally uninterested, possibly a little disgusted by vagina!!

I try asking him and he says yeah OK but never ever does it. He also flips me over a lot and used to want to do anal a lot. But that's stopped as we got old and boring

Also he has a weird thing where he hero worships his bloke mates and is generally uninterested in women, in social situations.

Am I reading too much into it?

😂😂 Love it!

I know the type you mean, OP. If he weren’t married to you, he’d be an incel.

To be kind here;what are you getting out of your relationship?

Are you happy?;does he show you affection?;does he make an effort for you on your birthday/Mother's Day etc?;is he kind to you?

Surely it's just a shorthand way of saying I didn't know he was a closeted gay man at the start of the marriage as he never gave me any inclination to think so.

Not sure why it's so hilarious.

Does he initiate sex, or is it always you?
If he initiates it, he's likely not gay.
Religious repression/sin/shame is a possibility, too.

"Gay men don't have sex with women" and Phillip Schofield originally being straight when he was having sex with his wife, then suddenly turning gay and only having sex with men, are two comments that made my day.

Untrue.

Ultimately whether he's gay and repressed or just a misogynist, it's the same outcome. He's absoutely shit in bed and doesn't sound like much of a joy to be around in general. Your husband should be your best friend and that's clearly not on the cards if he's cringely hero-worshipping other blokes and thinks that women are shit on his shoe.

It doesn't matter what the reason is, the important thing is that you're having unsatisfactory sex and you don't feel desired in your marriage. You deserve so much more than that.

Because the implication that a man can be straight and then can turn gay mid-way through a marriage is just humorous.

Men who ‘come out’ mid-marriage have always been gay.

Gay men who are in the closet are not straight men.

A wife may think her husband is straight but that doesn’t mean he is.

The previous poster that said, “he wasn’t gay at the start of the marriage” made me laugh because it conjured up an image of a straight man waking up one day and randomly deciding that, moving forwards with his life, they wanted to have sex with men instead of his wife. The absurdity, and naivety of the poster if they truly believe men just ‘turn’ gay, is what made me laugh.

My guess is yes but the extreme religious upbringing meant it has all been suppressed. So he is not attracted to women but feels men are off limits as well. He has married a woman (you) to try & get past it but this has not work so now you are both in limbo.

Your call OP - either stick with a sexless marriage (the sex you have now is just not acceptable) try an open one or walk away.

Whatever the reason he doesn’t like you or want to make sex enjoyable for you. He’s just using you as a blow up doll to masturbate with for his own enjoyment. How old are you and how long have you been together? You need to leave and be with a man who sees you as his equal.

@MentalToad
The question of orientation is not one that can be answered by anyone on this forum. You live with him and you do not know the answer, but you think that people who do not know him and have only second hand information can provide anymore of an answer than you already have?

The answerable question is do you wish to continue in this relationship as it stands, and that is a question that only you can and should answer.. You have lived with this man for all these years, do you truly expect him to change now?

If this relationship has reached an intolerable stage for you. It is you who must make a change.

g w

Possibly gay. Definitely an awful partner.

Not problematic. Just an opinion.

I was married to one of these. Turns out he was a raving homosexual- literally - they were his two favourite things; raving and being a homosexual. He now lives with his boyfriend and I live with our two children and we all get on like a house on fire!

@alleg

how so?

Does it make a difference? Either he is gay or views your body with disgust. Neither are options I'd be prepared to put up with.

He wasn’t gay at the start of the marriage.

Sorry WTF? Philip Schofield was always gay, he was just in the closet. He was never straight was he? He was a gay man who hadn't come to terms with his sexuality and this applied at the start of his marriage. What is going on with the weird responses on this thread? People don't suddenly become gay half-way through their lives. It's there, unacknowledged or its not.

OP who knows whether your DH is gay or not. If you're not happy with the sex life which sounds truly shit then you need to re-evaluate things.

Does he initiate sex, or is it always you?
If he initiates it, he's likely not gay.

Oh no, there's another one of them.

Just trying to imagine the outrage if this thread was flipped.

"Wife never gives me a BJ - must be a lesbian."

OP - there are hundreds of reasons why this might be happening, agreeed it sounds crap for you so you need to bottom it out 100% and be honest with him, i find that you went straight to "gay" (so to speak) a tad problematic.

Is he from religious background, or maybe the other way around - abusive family? Sounds more like ingrained guilt/shame about sexuality and women.

I am most certainly not "another one of them".

You don’t sound happy with him so in that it seems inconsequential that he might be gay. You probably need to leave as you aren’t happy and he sounds a bit horrible.

Good luck x

if he grew up in a strict religious household then he could be gay but repressed it enough and has got himself to a place where he can do a 3 minute Jack hammer without looking at you but doesn’t have the balls to be honest and say he prefers men.
That sort of stuff is hugely ingrained and hard to break.

men like tits and/or arse and like to stare and get excited over them, even the hugely religious get excited about their wife’s boobs. I bet he’s also been brought up to be terrified of masturbation so there’s a possibility he’s using your faceless (given the positions he likes to put you in) to meet his needs in a repressed god approved way.

the complete lack of any excitement about you and your body even just a hint I would say yes he’s probably gay or bi with a strong male preference.

is this the life you want? You’re both retired, he can’t face looking at you and just wants to stare at your back to get off , doesn’t talk to you about anything mentally stimulating you’ve got what another 20-40 years of this sort of life.

or you could be alone, with a decent powerful vibe from ann summers and the potential to find a partner willing to bury his face where your husband dare not touch.

Thread derailed by incel/misogynists etc. Shame for op. Regarding disgust at genitalia etc, it has been used as a prime piece of woman-hating shit for centuries and it not getting any newer. Having at least once had my face in freshly washed cock and ball set, can confirm there is a smell and it may not be pleasing and delightful to everyone everywhere. Realistically, all genitalia is a bit weird and gross if you are looking to find that.

So, keyboard warriors in basements, you may not like vaginas and may not have ever been near one, but you probably came out of one and got covered in a soup of microorganisms as you were doing it, so the joke’s on you really.