Husband doesn't want to go on weekend away with my parents.

[Hollymayfly]

I'm recently married. I was planning to arrange a weekend away for me & my husband and my parents in the Lake District. We would stay in separate but nearby hotels.

I know my parents would really enjoy it and it would be a belated celebration for my mum's 70th birthday. It would give my parents a chance to get to know my husband better.

We'd go on walks and bike rides and have some picnics. We'd explore some cute villages. We'd also have time to do our own thing a bit.

However, my husband is very reluctant to agree to come. I think he finds my parents intense. For context, my husband is not shy and he can be sociable. My parents are nice friendly people (and can sometimes be intense!) and they see the best in people.

This makes me sad. Would others feel the same?

Yes that is a shame.
It would be nice if he made an effort for your sake. It's only a weekend. You're not asking them to move I with you

If you are at separate hotels and will have your own time as well as time with your parents, I think he should suck it up, unless there are huge issues between them.

Having just got back from a weekend with my PIL, I fully agree with your DH

It depends what ‘intense’ means exactly.

I would call my PIL ‘intense’ and ‘overbearing’. None of us souls want to go away with them, a few hours with them is plenty. 😬

*would

I'm on your husband's side with this issue. I don't do extended family vacations, no desire whatsoever to vacation with my parents or inlaws.

To me vacation is a great time to relax and reconnect with my husband; no chaperones required😁

This is a shame... did he make effort with your family before your wedding?
What does he want to do for holidays? How often does he see his parents? How much do you compromise for him?

Go on your own with your parents, leave your husband home if he doesn't want to go (if you can afford it and have enough annual leave)

Arrange a meal this time. Then a day activity next time before trying to make weekends away. I assume they haven't had much to do with him until now for some reason and it may be too much to make him an instant family member If they don't know each other well.

I'd think you are entirely mad. Did you discuss this odd expectation before marriage? Does he know you have this kind of relationship? Like friends sort of level more than usual generational meetings?

Married for 27 years and have never been on holiday with either of our parents. Im with your DH.

I have found through experience that when someone is described in polite conversation as "intense", it really means they are overbearing, overwhelming, exhausting, and insufferable.

Your view of your parents is skewed by your love and long experience with them. Your husband doesn't have this luxury.

It sounds like he hasn’t said why he is reluctant? Ask him!

I can imagine if I’d spent very little time with my ILs pre marriage, I would find the idea of a weekend away intimidating.

Is he outdoorsy? Is it something about the Lake District rather than just your parents? The thought of having to ride a bike in front of anyone let along my ILs when I had not long known them fills me with horror, for example, but others would have no problem.

I’m also wondering what ‘intense’ means to you in this context?

Surely your parents would think separate hotels was very odd. Sounds like your family gatherings are going to be restricted to short meet ups for a meal or very occasional one night stays . Does not bode well if there relationship is this bad in early marriage when he should be making the most effort. I have this issue . It is sad and there is no solution.

I wouldn't want to do it, I'm with your husband. I can only handle my own mum in small doses let alone my in laws. They're nice people, we're just very different!

Sounds like my idea of hell. I’m with your husband

Wouldn't it be a better idea to allow your husband and parents time to get to know each other in a more relaxed, natural fashion instead of a jam-packed weekend filled with near constant activity?

I'm on team DH. I like my in laws but never would have wanted to spend my precious annual leave going on holiday with them.
"intense" sounds ominous..... As a PP suggested, they might be the kind of people who are difficult to get on with, and as their daughter you might not see it that way.

I would never have wanted to go on holiday with my in laws. Sorry. Why doesn’t your husband know your parents well by now?

There is not a cat in hells chance of me going away with DH's parents and DH would never ask me because we're on the same page about what they're like and just how bad they can be!

Didn’t they get to know each other before the wedding? How often do you normally see them? He doesn’t want to go, he doesn’t have to go. If he’s reluctant now I can’t see how you trying to make him would make for a fun weekend.

Do you go away for weekends with his parents if he has any?

My husband doesn't like my dad or a couple of my friend's husbands and refuses to hang out with them. I just leave him to it now and go along on my own. It does feel awkward sometimes and I do wish things were different but I try not to dwell on it

Sometimes the best you can hope for is that your spouse and your parents can tolerate each other in small doses. It's not reasonable to expect your spouse to love your family the way you do.

I agree with him. It sounds a bit twee.

Why would you push him into going if he isn’t keen? I wouldn’t go away with my in-laws (and I know my DH wouldn’t want to
go wash with my parents!) It’s a bit odd when adults go on holiday with their parents.