Husband doesn't want to go on weekend away with my parents.

[Hollymayfly]

I'm recently married. I was planning to arrange a weekend away for me & my husband and my parents in the Lake District. We would stay in separate but nearby hotels.

I know my parents would really enjoy it and it would be a belated celebration for my mum's 70th birthday. It would give my parents a chance to get to know my husband better.

We'd go on walks and bike rides and have some picnics. We'd explore some cute villages. We'd also have time to do our own thing a bit.

However, my husband is very reluctant to agree to come. I think he finds my parents intense. For context, my husband is not shy and he can be sociable. My parents are nice friendly people (and can sometimes be intense!) and they see the best in people.

This makes me sad. Would others feel the same?

For context, my parents live at the other end of the UK. Some of you have suggested just meeting up for a meal, which is tricky! It's either us staying with them, them staying with us, or meeting up somewhere. And the Lake District is conveniently in between.

We've been married for 1.5 years. Parents know him but haven't spent lots of time with him.

Had you put this information in the opening post, I think you might have got quite a different balance of replies.
Many people will have been replying, based on their own experiences. This probably isn't the experience of many of us.

With this additional information, then it makes a huge difference, and yes, I would go with my dh in those circumstances.

Your suggestions are pretty much what I imagined happening, to be honest. As OP has already had the forethought to book separate accommodation to ensure that people had downtime from each other, I reckon she's got this.

But yes, like I said, my in-laws (my FIL especially) were very different from what I was used to and lived a distance away, so this was how I managed it until I got used to them. And it was absolutely worth it because they were wonderful people who I soon loved dearly. I'm glad I didn't just stay home and leave my husband to it.

Sorry, the above was for @LolaSmiles

I did preface my comment with "to each their own".😀

In your circumstances everyone was on-board with the idea of vacationing together; you, your partner and your parents. Nobody had to be coerced.

But reading thru at least 50% of the threads on Mumsnet it strikes me that many people would benefit immensely from cutting the apron strings and learning to be adults in their own right. So much drama around in-laws (who are all " narcs" according to Mumsnet😂) and meddling/overbearing parents could be
avoided if adult children focused on "adulting" and respecting boundaries rather than living in their extended families' pockets.

Wow, very sad to read the responses. So many families aren't close in the UK, it seems. I'd be really disappointed if my daughter later in life found herself in that situation.

So does this apply only to parents? What about friends? If one of a couple has friends that invite both of you for a weekend is it OK for the other partner to say no?

It would be lovely for partner to attend as aswell and I personally think that they should occasionally make an effort. But it's not like partner has to agree and be forced to spend the weekend? So in that way it's OK to say no to weekend with partners friends but they can't stop the partner from going.

Just bizarre.

With your update it seems a bit strange that he won't even consider this, surely a weekend away in separate hotels at a neutral venue is a lot less full on than them visiting you or vice versa. Or does he expect you never to see them ?
What have you been doing for Christmas?

I go on these trips, but I always come back feeling upset. My PILs are a lot. My DH feels the same, but we still do them. I wish I didn't have to 'suck it up'. It's no fun.

Following the update I am convinced that your DH is being utterly selfish. A shame for you to realise that maybe he’s not as compatible with you as you may have thought.

I think it’s fine to see parents without our partners . I know my DM loves it when she sees more my DB on our own.

Me and my husband have both lost a parent, and we go away as a family at least yearly with the surviving parent, along with our kids. Both parents are sometimes hard work (in different ways from each other) but it means a lot to our parents. and there’s a bit difference between being a bit hard work and being really toxic. I mean who is perfect? My family probably think I’m hard work.

The only reason I would get your partner‘s perspective on this if this is realistically the only holiday you can afford that year, in terms of time or money. Is it? otherwise, I would just feel like saying , life isn‘t the you show, deal with it!

I hope that's what she's doing saraclara. The separate hotels was a good idea.

I think my mind jumped to people I'd describe as intense and I envisaged a situation of the more overbearing people taking control of the weekend/schedule and the OP's poor husband finding that in reality the only peace he had to himself was the hotel at the end of the day, which was jumping the gun a little bit.

Mu parents often go on holiday with their respective sils who are both widows. My dad does the driving and they go away for up to 5 weeks at a time eg touring America. My dad's sister and my mum's sister normally share a room. My parents also go away on their own. They both prefer their own sister and it can be hard for my dad being away with a gaggle of women but if it gets too much he just goes for a long walk or reads a book. They are in their early 80s.