Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband doesn't want to go on weekend away with my parents.

190 replies

Hollymayfly · 25/06/2023 23:11

I'm recently married. I was planning to arrange a weekend away for me & my husband and my parents in the Lake District. We would stay in separate but nearby hotels.

I know my parents would really enjoy it and it would be a belated celebration for my mum's 70th birthday. It would give my parents a chance to get to know my husband better.

We'd go on walks and bike rides and have some picnics. We'd explore some cute villages. We'd also have time to do our own thing a bit.

However, my husband is very reluctant to agree to come. I think he finds my parents intense. For context, my husband is not shy and he can be sociable. My parents are nice friendly people (and can sometimes be intense!) and they see the best in people.

This makes me sad. Would others feel the same?

OP posts:
TR888 · 25/06/2023 23:58

To be fair, I couldn't think of anything worse than spending my weekend with my in-laws doing "fun" things together. It wouldn't feel relaxing or a holiday.

Why don't you go in your own with them? I'd hate being made to go.

Daffodil63 · 26/06/2023 00:00

I think it's a lovely idea, and you DH should make the effort. It's only a weekend and your parents would really enjoy it. I bowed to my husband when we were first married about joining in things and before you know they don't want to go anywhere or do anything!

HeddaGarbled · 26/06/2023 00:01

Staying in separate hotels would be weird.

A weekend away is not the best way for your parents to get to know your husband better, and has the potential to be disastrous if he’s not keen.

Stick to shorter meetings. Perhaps, in time, they’ll develop enough of a relationship to risk a holiday together. Perhaps, they never will.

saraclara · 26/06/2023 00:23

Frith2013 · 25/06/2023 23:55

I agree with him. It sounds a bit twee.

It's OP's parent's 70th. I don't think it's twee to plan a weekend to celebrate. Surely lots of people do this?

It's separate hotels so each couple gets their alone/down time. It wouldn't kill him to do this. It's a one off for a birthday.

toomuchlaundry · 26/06/2023 00:26

It’s only a weekend to celebrate a birthday, it’s not 2 weeks in Spain. So not exactly using lots of annual leave.

When we’ve done holidays with parents we have had separate accommodation, so there is a mixture of doing things together and apart.

saraclara · 26/06/2023 00:27

It’s a bit odd when adults go on holiday with their parents

It really isn't. Not when you're just having a weekend away somewhere.
I feel very fortunate that my DDs and their partners arrange a few days away as a family for us all most years. They have their own big holidays and I have mine. But I treasure these breaks where we're all together.

UsingChangeofName · 26/06/2023 00:38

I'm with your husband.
Nothing against my in-laws, but I wouldn't choose to go away for a weekend with them.
I mean, we get on fine if - for example - we were both staying the weekend somewhere as we'd been invited to the same wedding or something, but I wouldn't go away for the weekend with them by choice.

pizzaHeart · 26/06/2023 00:44

Some people might say that your DH is rude but some (me included) that he is wise. My parents can be described as “intense” so I know what it means - the holiday with “intense “ people when you are doing activities together is a road to hell. They would judge, advise, ask, interfere. They would have a clear view how to spend the day and there wouldn’t be any space for negotiations.
Don’t do this OP, give them time to know each other slowly first.

Groutyonehereagain · 26/06/2023 00:45

I would never want to go with anyone else, especially parents. Respect your DH, he’s your priority now not your parents.

mondaytosunday · 26/06/2023 00:50

If he dies t know then well it's a bit full on. If you were away three nights gif example I'd say one day together one day doing your own thing.
Frankly I wouldn't want to spend such an amount of time with my in laws, though my husband was happy when we would go stay with my parents for a week. But my parents were much more laid back!

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 26/06/2023 07:56

I like my MIL I wouldn’t go away with her. She’d drive me demented

AttilaTheMeerkat · 26/06/2023 08:06

OP

I would give your plan a lot more thought namely why?.

What do you mean here by intense when it comes to your parents?. To my mind this word is code for overbearing, opinionated and otherwise insufferable. Do you as an adult want their approval even now?.

Your mother has already celebrated her 70th birthday so it’s not really for that either. Do you just really want them all to get along so you don’t have to deal with your parents or otherwise worry yourself about them?.

CMOTDibbler · 26/06/2023 08:27

I've been married 26 years and we have never been away with either set of parents, so I'm on team DH here. When someone describes their own parents as intense it makes me think of the parents of someone I know who are completely overbearing and would love a weekend away in the Lake - but on their schedule so it would be 7am breakfast with eye raising if her DH had a fry up. 7.30 boots on and out for a nice healthy hike whatever the weather at their pace and on a route of their choosing. And so on.
If you want your parents to get to know your dh better, do it in small time portions, and doing something your DH really likes doing so they see the real him, and where you set the agenda

Xrays · 26/06/2023 08:38

I think a lot of people in real life would suck this up and just go but Mumsnet is full of antisocial people (like me) who wouldn’t be dragged there screaming so I think your replies aren’t going to be very balanced.

GlitteryGreen · 26/06/2023 08:41

I'd be really upset with this OP, your husband needs to make an effort with your family (assuming you make effort with his). I'd be expecting to stay in the same hotel too.

Either he should go along as it's only a weekend, or you should go alone and be should be fine with that.

GlitteryGreen · 26/06/2023 08:43

saraclara · 26/06/2023 00:27

It’s a bit odd when adults go on holiday with their parents

It really isn't. Not when you're just having a weekend away somewhere.
I feel very fortunate that my DDs and their partners arrange a few days away as a family for us all most years. They have their own big holidays and I have mine. But I treasure these breaks where we're all together.

I agree, most of my friends do little breaks with their parents every year.

Hoppinggreen · 26/06/2023 08:45

They are your parents and presumably you are at least fond of them and you describe them as “intense”, I wonder what word your DH would use?
There is obviously a problem as you want to book different hotels

drpet49 · 26/06/2023 08:46

Aquamarine1029 · 25/06/2023 23:37

Wouldn't it be a better idea to allow your husband and parents time to get to know each other in a more relaxed, natural fashion instead of a jam-packed weekend filled with near constant activity?

This. You are recently married, you have plenty of time ahead of you for joint weekends away.

Thea91 · 26/06/2023 08:48

We must be strange, go on holiday 4 times a year and normally my Mum comes on 2 (not always for the full break) and once a year we go away with my Dad . This has only happened since we had DS though. We all stay in separate accommodation, we've been away with in laws once.

acpk55 · 26/06/2023 08:51

Idid a couple of holidays with my in-laws , they just followed us around like lost sheep, it was awful, I’m with your husband on this, sorry sounds like terrible idea

Nice meal, family bbq must better

WhiskersPete · 26/06/2023 08:51

Completely depends what you mean by "intense"?

acpk55 · 26/06/2023 08:52

GlitteryGreen · 26/06/2023 08:43

I agree, most of my friends do little breaks with their parents every year.

Show quote history

Really, I could think of anything worse

CapEBarra · 26/06/2023 08:54

I can’t imagine spending a whole weekend going on bike rides and picnics with my in-laws. I can see where your DH is coming from - I’d he even into bike rides and picnics?

MinnieMountain · 26/06/2023 08:56

I don’t go away with my ILs except for special events like big birthdays and weddings. They’re nice people but so loud and I’m an introvert.
I’d go on this 70th birthday thing.

Trees6 · 26/06/2023 08:56

”intense” ??