Friend is hysterical over my holiday

[llamadrama7]

I have a friend who I meet for lunch a couple of times a week, and we speak on the phone regularly. He is retired and doesn't seem to do much in his days as his wife still works, so the time with me seems to be quite exciting for him.

I enjoy the time and our friendship, but in a few weeks I have the chance to go on holiday for a week elsewhere in the UK with a family member while I have annual leave. I haven't been away in 8 years so I would like to go. I told him and he was hysterical, as he wanted me to go out with him on days out on my annual leave. He said that over this time his wife is away so he could have taken me on longer days out and I've now ruined it.

I feel it's my fault as on my annual leave days in the past we would often go out together (to gardens, historical places etc).

He sent about a hundred messages saying he is in tears, I have ruined the friendship and he doesn't want us to be friends anymore. He insulted my family member too and he said he will be sick all week worried about me.

Not sure how to handle this as I do value the friendship but I don't want him to have a meltdown over it.

You need to back right off from this friendship/emotional affair. And he needs to focus on his wife. Take plenty of space and enjoy your holiday. Even if he was your partner his reaction would not be ok.

This isn’t healthy, OP. Please don’t change your plans for him.

This is nuts.

My DH wouldnt behave like this.
Presumably he has weird romantic feelings for you? Is a bit delusional about your friendship

Does he often behave like this? It is very strange and not fair on you.

I am sorry I'm not sure I'd value a friendship like this. Disappointment is normal but this is very odd.

Is your relationship completely platonic?

Keep away from this weirdo.

Yes this is what I'm thinking. His wife does know he meets me for lunches (and I've met her a few times when we have all met) but I think he's becoming too attached and reliant on my company.

Well, OP, you can’t delude yourself about this ‘friendship’ any longer.

He sounds completely mad, and you’re pandering to it — why? You get to do whatever you want with your annual leave. It’s not your responsibility if he can’t cope with retirement. Block his texts, go on holiday, and see if he’s calmed down by the time you get back.

What they said.

He doesn’t want to me friends anymore? Fantastic. Say you agree and block his number. What an absolute weirdo.

Most bizarre reaction ever! Apart from everything else, why on earth would he be worried about you? On a weeks holiday in the uk?

Obviously this reaction is not normal, why are you meeting a married man a couple of times a week?
Come off it OP, nobody is this bloody naive!

Absolutely, he’s really crossing a line here and trying to take advantage of the friendship and your good nature. Put very firm boundaries in place and back away. You’ve done nothing wrong.

Well, it’s clearly a very abnormal reaction.

He sounds dangerously obsessed with you. Who on earth sends a hundred messages and cries over a friend having a week away? I think he has shown you his true colours by insulting your family member.
He sounds a controlling and manipulative man who is massively crossing the boundaries of friendship.
Even if, on the remote chance, he is having a mental health crisis it isn’t your responsibility to help him.
If I were you I would contact his wife and share his extradordinary behaviours with her and then cool the friendship.

He sounds either mentally unwell or very controlling. Either way, he is behaving inappropriately, and its not acceptable.

Does his wife know that he is behaving like this? How on earth must she feel about it. Its a complete over reaction.

I would be concerned that this will escalate into stalking/harrasment.

I can’t believe the entitlement of this man. His wife is busy so you must entertain him instead, it’s your job as a woman!

I wouldn’t see him again OP.

His poor wife. Id just ignore him and go. You don't need friends like that. Id probably message his wife too about how strange he is being. It sounds like he needs help.

This.

He's said he doesn't want to be friends anymore. Take him at his word, block his number and run for the blooming hills.

I don't know if she knows - if he is as hysterical as he says then I would have thought she would see it as they live together. Unless he's making it up over text. But he isn't very good at hiding emotions so I would imagine she must pick up something.

I am worried she will contact me about him being so upset and hysterical (if he is).

How on earth do you know him and how did this several times a week shenanigans start?!

Who the heck is this guy, how do you know him and WTF?!

OP is he mentally well? Hysterical sounds like a complete overreaction to a friend going on holiday.

Surely no one goes for lunch several times a week with a married man and for days out on their annual leave without thinking there's anything behind it? It doesn't sound like you're childhood friends or anything unless I'm mistaken?

"The time with me seems to be quite exciting for him" does this give you a kick?

Sounds like a 15 year old boy in a zip-up mansuit.

We worked together before he retired. They started because I had a bit of a hard time a couple of years ago, but we only met fortnightly then. Slowly it became more regularly - initiated by him.