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Original poster

Friend is hysterical over my holiday

533 replies

llamadrama7 · 23/06/2023 06:52

I have a friend who I meet for lunch a couple of times a week, and we speak on the phone regularly. He is retired and doesn't seem to do much in his days as his wife still works, so the time with me seems to be quite exciting for him.

I enjoy the time and our friendship, but in a few weeks I have the chance to go on holiday for a week elsewhere in the UK with a family member while I have annual leave. I haven't been away in 8 years so I would like to go. I told him and he was hysterical, as he wanted me to go out with him on days out on my annual leave. He said that over this time his wife is away so he could have taken me on longer days out and I've now ruined it.

I feel it's my fault as on my annual leave days in the past we would often go out together (to gardens, historical places etc).

He sent about a hundred messages saying he is in tears, I have ruined the friendship and he doesn't want us to be friends anymore. He insulted my family member too and he said he will be sick all week worried about me.

Not sure how to handle this as I do value the friendship but I don't want him to have a meltdown over it.

OP posts:
Dotcheck · 23/06/2023 07:02

CanOfGerms · 23/06/2023 06:55

Keep away from this weirdo.

Precisely

Lovingitallnow · 23/06/2023 07:02

A real friend would be happy for you and not make it about themselves. He's using you.

Also what relevance has his wife being away? Either he's sneaking around behind her back, or looking for you to compensate for her being away- either option doesn't make it sound like he values you as a person.

Pansypotter123 · 23/06/2023 07:03

Are you on your own, @llamadrama7?

You seem very invested in this "friendship". Do you have any other friends, hobbies - you seem to have a lot of free time so I assume you work part time?

BungalowBuyer · 23/06/2023 07:03

The whole thing sounds like an affair to me, Meeting up twice a week when his wife is at work, taking advantage of his wife being away to take you on days out? Does he pay for the days out?

He's having an affair with you and at best you're being deliberately naive.

Backstreets · 23/06/2023 07:04

Old man thought he was gonna smash (after the trip to the flower show). Step away.

Original poster
llamadrama7 · 23/06/2023 07:04

bibbityboppityboo · 23/06/2023 07:01

OP is he mentally well? Hysterical sounds like a complete overreaction to a friend going on holiday.

Surely no one goes for lunch several times a week with a married man and for days out on their annual leave without thinking there's anything behind it? It doesn't sound like you're childhood friends or anything unless I'm mistaken?

"The time with me seems to be quite exciting for him" does this give you a kick?

No it doesn't. I mean the time with me seems to be the most fun thing in his life.

From my side I do like the things we do together - I don't have many friends (well, any, who are close by), so it has been nice to go to places I'm interested in with someone else.

People are saying I'm naive but he is a retired pensioner - plenty of people have older friends they do things with and it's usually platonic.

OP posts:
ZekeZeke · 23/06/2023 07:04

You have been having an emotional affair with a married man!
Meeting several times a week.
Spending historic your annual leave doing touristy things together.
You need to rethink your boundaries!

Original poster
llamadrama7 · 23/06/2023 07:04

Lovingitallnow · 23/06/2023 07:02

A real friend would be happy for you and not make it about themselves. He's using you.

Also what relevance has his wife being away? Either he's sneaking around behind her back, or looking for you to compensate for her being away- either option doesn't make it sound like he values you as a person.

He always has to be back for dinner together, but if she's away he can be out for longer I suppose.

OP posts:
Original poster
llamadrama7 · 23/06/2023 07:05

Pansypotter123 · 23/06/2023 07:03

Are you on your own, @llamadrama7?

You seem very invested in this "friendship". Do you have any other friends, hobbies - you seem to have a lot of free time so I assume you work part time?

I work full time but from home. Not sure what relevance this is though?

OP posts:
BungalowBuyer · 23/06/2023 07:05

I'm sure my exH appreciated me being away so he could stay out longer with the OW.

SheilaFentiman · 23/06/2023 07:06

“I feel it's my fault as on my annual leave days in the past we would often go out together (to gardens, historical places etc). “

Of course it’s not your fault.

“he will be sick all week worried about me.”Are you going rock climbing or something?!

Original poster
llamadrama7 · 23/06/2023 07:06

BungalowBuyer · 23/06/2023 07:03

The whole thing sounds like an affair to me, Meeting up twice a week when his wife is at work, taking advantage of his wife being away to take you on days out? Does he pay for the days out?

He's having an affair with you and at best you're being deliberately naive.

Nothing sexual has happened... there is usually no paying as we go to free places or we pay for ourselves

OP posts:
cushioncovers · 23/06/2023 07:07

Yeah be careful op that he doesn't start fixating on you and ends up in a stalking situation. Back off slowly and move on.

BungalowBuyer · 23/06/2023 07:07

An emotional affair then, same difference.

JeminaSunshine · 23/06/2023 07:08

He thinks you're having an emotional affair. His poor wife.

Cut contact immediately. Sounds like a tight freak.

Original poster
llamadrama7 · 23/06/2023 07:08

SheilaFentiman · 23/06/2023 07:06

“I feel it's my fault as on my annual leave days in the past we would often go out together (to gardens, historical places etc). “

Of course it’s not your fault.

“he will be sick all week worried about me.”Are you going rock climbing or something?!

He worries about everyday things and potential risks - driving, walking in the evening etc. I think this is due to trauma, as he's had a few family members and friends who have died in rare accidents.

OP posts:
Pansypotter123 · 23/06/2023 07:09

@llamadrama7 as you seem to spend a lot of time with him I assumed you worked part time. If that was the case then I'd have thought you'd be better filling your free time with hobbies etc and focussing less on this man.

Do you have a partner? If so what do they think of this friendship?

RichardsGear · 23/06/2023 07:11

What a bizarre set up - struggling to believe it's not a joke tbh. I cannot imagine a grown man of pensionable age being hysterical and crying over a few missed trips out.
Get yourself some normal friends/cultivate your other friendships and keep your distance from this drama queen.

Original poster
llamadrama7 · 23/06/2023 07:11

Pansypotter123 · 23/06/2023 07:09

@llamadrama7 as you seem to spend a lot of time with him I assumed you worked part time. If that was the case then I'd have thought you'd be better filling your free time with hobbies etc and focussing less on this man.

Do you have a partner? If so what do they think of this friendship?

I'm not currently in a relationship no

OP posts:
cuckyplunt · 23/06/2023 07:12

llamadrama7 · 23/06/2023 07:11

I'm not currently in a relationship no

Show quote history

Oh yes you are…

Original poster
llamadrama7 · 23/06/2023 07:12

RichardsGear · 23/06/2023 07:11

What a bizarre set up - struggling to believe it's not a joke tbh. I cannot imagine a grown man of pensionable age being hysterical and crying over a few missed trips out.
Get yourself some normal friends/cultivate your other friendships and keep your distance from this drama queen.

It's not a joke I assure you. Obviously I don't know if he's actually crying (he's only said so over text) but I have heard him screaming and acting hysterical on the phone in the past

OP posts:
SimonsCow · 23/06/2023 07:12

You need to shut this down right now. It’s odd, obsessive behaviour. A quick message saying ‘I have really enjoyed your company but the way your behaviour has escalated because I’m going on holiday for a week suggests that this is not a healthy friendship. I wish you all the best but do not contact me again’

Original poster
llamadrama7 · 23/06/2023 07:13

@cuckyplunt no I'm not.

OP posts:
AuContraire · 23/06/2023 07:14

If he's thrown a wobbly and doesn't want to be friends anymore, then I think that you should just leave him be, don't message him back, and enjoy your holiday with your relative.

He'll get back in touch soon, sadly, but you need a recalibration as this is not good.

SimonsCow · 23/06/2023 07:14

llamadrama7 · 23/06/2023 07:12

It's not a joke I assure you. Obviously I don't know if he's actually crying (he's only said so over text) but I have heard him screaming and acting hysterical on the phone in the past

Show quote history

What has he been hysterical over in the past? His behaviour sounds quite frightening