Friend is hysterical over my holiday

[llamadrama7]

I have a friend who I meet for lunch a couple of times a week, and we speak on the phone regularly. He is retired and doesn't seem to do much in his days as his wife still works, so the time with me seems to be quite exciting for him.

I enjoy the time and our friendship, but in a few weeks I have the chance to go on holiday for a week elsewhere in the UK with a family member while I have annual leave. I haven't been away in 8 years so I would like to go. I told him and he was hysterical, as he wanted me to go out with him on days out on my annual leave. He said that over this time his wife is away so he could have taken me on longer days out and I've now ruined it.

I feel it's my fault as on my annual leave days in the past we would often go out together (to gardens, historical places etc).

He sent about a hundred messages saying he is in tears, I have ruined the friendship and he doesn't want us to be friends anymore. He insulted my family member too and he said he will be sick all week worried about me.

Not sure how to handle this as I do value the friendship but I don't want him to have a meltdown over it.

It was terribly disturbing, I agree.

I don't think she's on MN anymore

I think she left the thread quite early and really wasn't listening to everyone telling her the same thing. I'm sure that sometimes people don't like to hear the uncomfortable truth, so they leave the thread, sometimes leave MN for good, and stay stuck in their bad situation.

These supposed 'rare accidents' his friend and family have had...we sure they were accidents? Just saying...I mean, he IS a nut job. So who knows xD

I think his wife knows he's a control freak too. Thats probably why she's tolerated this 'friendship'. And yes, people can have opposite sex friends on occasions. But your friendship doesn't sound like it was appropriate. Even though you had no ill intentions, it sounds like he's seen you as 'his' in some way. It's creepy.

I'd block him on everything.
I'd be worried he was a stalker type too tbh.
But you escape them by being firm on the 'no'. Not by being nice.

This guy is a nutjob. Tell him that his reaction is extreme and gives off creepy stalker controlf reak vibes and you aren't liking it. Tell him that he is right, the friendship if you can call i that, has gotten weird and far too codependent, and you can't be bothered. Have you ever met, heard or talked to his "wife?" I'm suspicious that the "wife" is a story he made up and that he is far more emotionally invested in you than he is willing to let on.

In either case, back away from this nonsense and go on your trip without a care. Remind this individual that you are not related, not a couple, and just friends and that both of you are free to have other people in your lives. Put him on BLOCK so you stop being bothered with his nonsense, and go on your trip.

And in the future, don't mouth off telling people all your business. All he had to know is that you weren't around and could have found that out when you were gone or got back. Stop talking so much. Learn to keep your issues to yourself, your business just yours. And never apologize for doing what you want to do if you aren't hurting someone or doing something criminal.

She was literally on the thread for the first 17 pages answering questions, so I would not say she left 'early' neither did I see she was 'not listening'.

The fact soemone does not say immediately say "I will do as you are telling me" (funnily enough, on a post about a control freak) does not mean they didnt listen. She gathered people's opinions, was clearly keen to go on her holiday, but was scared of the psycho she knows irl and sais it will be difficult to cut him off. I understood he was coming over to her house for lunch from one of the comments, so he knows where she lives. It's not easy to get rif of types like that just because MM tells you to.

@llamadrama7 How did things work out?

OP stated the following in one of her final posts.

”He has said he doesn't want to be friends anymore so I've said I accept that decision and probably the best for the both of us if he gets this worked up. If he really does stop contacting me I will be relieved, but I don't think he will.”

So - he threatened to terminate the friendship and she said, yep, good, fine by me.

the fact that people continued posting for a couple of days after her last post isn’t on her.