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Original poster

Partner talks about how amazing they are all the time

196 replies

chipswitheveryting · 12/06/2023 23:53

So my partner spends a lot of time talking about themselves in a very positive light. They talk about how intelligent they are, how capable they are, how they are an out of the box thinker etc etc.

I have heard the same stories over and over again about amazing things they have done (not that amazing and some needs a big dash of salt). Anyhow, we've been together 2 and a bit years now and as much as I've adored him and hung on his every word (he is kind hearted and I do find him attractive) I'm so thoroughly bored of his boasting, I've starting getting snappy when he tells me for the millionth time how he's pushed boundaries further than anyone he knows etc.

Recently, I reached out and managed to arrange a meeting with a top person from my industry. This is a massive coo, I'm so proud of myself, this person liked the ideas I'd messaged to them and was willing to meet over coffee to discuss and explore them further. I messaged a friend in the same industry and she was blown away and couldn't believe it.

I told my partner I needed a couple of hours to read over reports etc to make sure I was knowledgeable and on my game for the meeting , Which is later this week.

OP posts:
Original poster
chipswitheveryting · 12/06/2023 23:56

Doh, posted before I'd finished, anyhow he's been saying 'it's only a meeting' I suppose it must be hard for you to push your head about e the parapet, I'm so used to it, something like that would be a doddle for me.

I just feel like he's minimising what I think is a fantastic achievement. Yet if it was him..... I'd be hearing about it even from him being six feet under:

Has anyone else got an annoying other half? Do I just tell him to shut his cake hole and stop going on about himself? I actually think our relationship might end if I do, because he spends so much time talking about how amazing he is.....

OP posts:
Original poster
chipswitheveryting · 12/06/2023 23:59

I'm really hoping I'm not the only one who is a mug who allows their partner this much air time and indulgence.

OP posts:
lakesummer · 13/06/2023 00:00

Going on about how marvelous he is is annoying enough but running you down is totally out of order.
Both may well come from a place of insecurity but that doesn't mean you have to tolerate it.
Try reminding him how supportive you are him and that you would like the same support back.

KohlaParasaurus · 13/06/2023 00:01

Does he go on and on about himself in social situations too? My toes are curling on your behalf if he does.

Original poster
chipswitheveryting · 13/06/2023 00:01

lakesummer · 13/06/2023 00:00

Going on about how marvelous he is is annoying enough but running you down is totally out of order.
Both may well come from a place of insecurity but that doesn't mean you have to tolerate it.
Try reminding him how supportive you are him and that you would like the same support back.

Good point, I'm super supportive and super tolerant. I suspect he'll turn it around though, so it's like comparing apples with pears and therefore not the same.

OP posts:
Original poster
chipswitheveryting · 13/06/2023 00:03

KohlaParasaurus · 13/06/2023 00:01

Does he go on and on about himself in social situations too? My toes are curling on your behalf if he does.

If he thinks he can get away with it he doeS, like meeting new people, and people who've known him a lot of years. Lots of people who are less close often think he's a dick, so he tones it down around that type.

OP posts:
Celledora · 13/06/2023 00:03

Does he praise any of your qualities (whether you identify with them or not)?

PeacefulPottering · 13/06/2023 00:04

You are not. My partner of 25 years still will bring any achievements I have made back to somehow him. I leave him chatting to himself . It's Men . They love it being about them .

Original poster
chipswitheveryting · 13/06/2023 00:06

Celledora · 13/06/2023 00:03

Does he praise any of your qualities (whether you identify with them or not)?

Occaiosnally and certainly if I asked him he would, but he finds praising himself far easier. He'll praise himself 30 times more than he would talk praise about me.

OP posts:
EdinaCrump · 13/06/2023 00:06

and why you are with this individual? Sounds ghastly

WtP · 13/06/2023 00:07

He's a knob and you deserve a lot better.
And I'm speaking as a 57 year old man that has toes curling at the sheer fuckwhittery of this bloke, get rid of him and find someone else.

PeacefulPottering · 13/06/2023 00:07

I mean I could have won the Pullittzer Prise and he will still bring it back to his boring job.

Original poster
chipswitheveryting · 13/06/2023 00:08

PeacefulPottering · 13/06/2023 00:04

You are not. My partner of 25 years still will bring any achievements I have made back to somehow him. I leave him chatting to himself . It's Men . They love it being about them .

Yes, I've found he even tries to rewrite history to make things that were never about him, about him, ie a new client comes out with an idea, the third time he tells the story, it's his idea.

He does this a lot. And takes my glory sometimes.

OP posts:
Original poster
chipswitheveryting · 13/06/2023 00:09

PeacefulPottering · 13/06/2023 00:07

I mean I could have won the Pullittzer Prise and he will still bring it back to his boring job.

Sounds familiar ...

OP posts:
girljulian · 13/06/2023 00:10

He sounds like an utter tit, OP. I know people like this and they're unbearable. You are definitely not being unreasonable but I don't know of any suggestions for stopping it!

Unrelatedly, "massive coo" made me laugh -- presumably a typo for "coup" but as a Geordie it had me picturing a vast bovine.

Original poster
chipswitheveryting · 13/06/2023 00:10

WtP · 13/06/2023 00:07

He's a knob and you deserve a lot better.
And I'm speaking as a 57 year old man that has toes curling at the sheer fuckwhittery of this bloke, get rid of him and find someone else.

Ahh you're saying what I kind of suspect.

I don't want to end a 2 and a bit year relationship because he's not abusive. And others I've had have been.

But by god, I think I'll end up resenting him or attacking him if we stay together.

OP posts:
Original poster
chipswitheveryting · 13/06/2023 00:11

girljulian · 13/06/2023 00:10

He sounds like an utter tit, OP. I know people like this and they're unbearable. You are definitely not being unreasonable but I don't know of any suggestions for stopping it!

Unrelatedly, "massive coo" made me laugh -- presumably a typo for "coup" but as a Geordie it had me picturing a vast bovine.

Haha, yea I wrote it as I say it, I knew when I typed it, it was wrong

OP posts:
Lookingoutside · 13/06/2023 00:11

Does he do that in front of your friends and family?

Original poster
chipswitheveryting · 13/06/2023 00:12

Lookingoutside · 13/06/2023 00:11

Does he do that in front of your friends and family?

A much tamer version, yes, but I get it as long as my ears can take it. I'm starting to feel a boundary forming.

OP posts:
girljulian · 13/06/2023 00:13

chipswitheveryting · 13/06/2023 00:11

Haha, yea I wrote it as I say it, I knew when I typed it, it was wrong

Show quote history

Oh well -- beside the point! The point is: WELL DONE on your massive coup. I suspect he knows that nothing he does is actually that fantastic or he wouldn't go on about his achievements all the time and minimise yours. It sounds like he's frightened of having a successful woman at his side in case you outshine him.

MajesticWhine · 13/06/2023 00:15

He sounds unbearable. He is probably deeply insecure and has an inferiority complex and his narcissistic talk is his way of coping with it and not having to think about his insecurities.
And putting you down can keep him feeling ok about himself.
Well done though on your success.

Celledora · 13/06/2023 00:18

During my upbringing/with my background this kind of personal promotion would be totally ridiculed. I work with lots of people in their late 20’s who’ve grown up being encouraged to promote themselves/‘hustle’ so have trained myself not to instinctively dislike it. However he’s actively claiming certain ‘positive’ characteristics for himself and telling you that you don’t have them, it’s no longer some form of self motivation, it’s being a controlling prick.

WhereTheSuburbsMeetUttoxeter · 13/06/2023 00:19

I wouldn't be able to tolerate it. I dated someone, then we remained friends for years. Not now though because whatever I'd done, he'd have to jump in with one better. He recently got diagnosed with epilepsy. I have been there for him SO much.
I've more recently had bloods done and a CT scan regarding cancer - he said I'm sure you'll be fine, then launched into all the meds he has to take.

I've blocked him. After 16 years.

Please do it quicker than I did. He's not going to change. He'll always have one better than you.

Well done for reaching out and getting your meeting arranged. You should be proud of yourself! I hope you are.

Avatartar · 13/06/2023 00:19

Bullshit bingo time - keep a note of his boasting and the time spent - he may not realise quite how much of a twat he is. Good luck with your meeting - personally I’d ditch BF as he’s not supportive of you

suburbophobe · 13/06/2023 00:21

Lots of people who are less close often think he's a dick, so he tones it down around that type.

So he knows exactly what he's doing.

Why are you even with him. He sounds jealous of you.

I'm so much happier as a solo. None of so-called grown men's shit to put up with.