Partner talks about how amazing they are all the time

[chipswitheveryting]

So my partner spends a lot of time talking about themselves in a very positive light. They talk about how intelligent they are, how capable they are, how they are an out of the box thinker etc etc.

I have heard the same stories over and over again about amazing things they have done (not that amazing and some needs a big dash of salt). Anyhow, we've been together 2 and a bit years now and as much as I've adored him and hung on his every word (he is kind hearted and I do find him attractive) I'm so thoroughly bored of his boasting, I've starting getting snappy when he tells me for the millionth time how he's pushed boundaries further than anyone he knows etc.

Recently, I reached out and managed to arrange a meeting with a top person from my industry. This is a massive coo, I'm so proud of myself, this person liked the ideas I'd messaged to them and was willing to meet over coffee to discuss and explore them further. I messaged a friend in the same industry and she was blown away and couldn't believe it.

I told my partner I needed a couple of hours to read over reports etc to make sure I was knowledgeable and on my game for the meeting , Which is later this week.

😬😬 the constant boasting would give me the serious ick but just about bearable if being positive and bigging people up was something he believed in and did for everybody.
However, boasting about how great he is whilst simultaneously putting you down. That's a firm no from me and would leave me heading for the hills.
Actually I've been in a relationship like this and the damage it did to my confidence over a couple of years is still obvious now (9 years later)
Please don't take this OP.

I just wish I could get him to pipe down and focus on other people more.

When my Dh slips in to this mode and I remind him (like a child) to ask about the other person. ‘You’ve told them about you so let’s hear about them’. I don’t care if it’s patronising, if you haven’t yet learned how to have a conversation then I will teach you!

I had a breast lump that turned out to be nothing but I was terrified for six weeks until I had an appointment. I was told "I could have told you it was nothing" and then told what a selfish partner I am. Lots of other outbursts too.

All this started when I got a good job with a lot of professional recognition and he'd taken voluntary redundancy to potter around doing bits and bobs.

Well they're not wrong.😂

It’s not surprising you worry about future relationships when you’ve had many and experiences. But you’re clearly a very capable person with a great head on your shoulders. I bet you’re a really loving partner too. Seems to me like you could take this as a sign to work on trusting yourself more. You might have been in bad situations before but you survived and went on to better. This relationship has had some positive elements but you’re realising your bar is higher now and you want a partner who is more mutual with you where you support each other vs his insecure self-aggrandising behaviour.

That’s progress!! You can end this because while it is not been abusive, it isn’t working for you anymore and take it as another sign of how far you have come from the abusive wankers. You’re not the same person you were back then so update your internal sense of yourself to match your current reality. Trust yourself. If you start dating someone new further down the line who shows red flags or changes their behaviour you have all the knowledge strength and ability you need to leave and not accept it. Trust that you can do it!

Congratulations on landing your meeting!! Yet another sign of how far you have come. 🎊🎊🎊

Congratulations on your own success OP! I'm sure pps have already said this but raise your bar - hanging onto a relationship because it isn't abusive? You deserve someone who thinks, and tells you, you're great.

I went out with someone like this years and years ago during my college days. Your thread has made me look back and cringe. He was very tall ,good looking and had been to expensive private schools. God he was such a tit. I was madly in love with him so I was blinded to the tittery initially. It was after we spent a month together doing inter rail that the scales fell from my eyes. The worst part was France. He had about 10 words of French but was convinced he was completely bilingual. The French people he spoke to were just appalled. Apparently if you pull faces and do a weird French accent your ten words will see you through. They won't. I started to notice that people were drawn to him ( probably because he was so attractive) but their eyes glazed over after a short while and then they drifted away. He also thought he was a comedy genius and recited Monty Python stuff even when everyone was sitting in total silence ,praying that it would end. It was more than 35 years ago and my toes have curled right under all over again.

OP I think you need to raise the bar where as long as they’re not abusive then it’s okay.. Being honest he sounds so so cringe and I couldn’t stay in the relationship personally. But just because he doesn’t abuse you isn’t reason to stay.

Just shove the creep over your parapet and let him fall onto the jagged rocks far below.

You do not need (or deserve) that silly man in your life.

Many congratulations OP.

But get rid of the moron.

25 years ago a really old friend of mine started going out with a good looking one.

He would bore a saint.

My husband and the partners of mutual friends refused to socialise with him.

He was an utter moron and my husband refused to spend a second evening in his company.

She knew it herself but put up with it.
As she was a super bright doctor none of her old friends could fathom it.

She stayed with him and she lost most of her friends as he was glued to her.

He is not a nice person, just an insecure, vain bore.

Invest in yourself.

Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk and seek some counselling to help you spot the arseholes quicker.

You sound great and deserve better.

Dump the bore though.

Op you said

I just feel like I'm failing by having such a short relationship, 2 years isn't long. It'd be better if it was 2 months, but 2 years means I've suffered his foolishness a long time when others wouldn't have

Can you see that staying with him would be a bigger 'failure'? If you leave him now, you've only spent 2 years of your life with him. The longer you leave it, the more time you've spent being resentful, irriated, unlistened-to, unsupported. If you stay, when you look back in 2 years, 5 years, 10 years - how bad will you feel that you didn't leave when you first realised he's a grade A arse?

The only reason to be with someone is if they make your life better. The worst reason to stay with someone is because you think you've already wasted too much time on them.

There is no shame in being single. There's no shame in realising someone isn't making you happy, and leaving. You don't have to be in a relationship. You don't have to stay with an arse just because they don't abuse you. Single is so much better than being with the wrong person.

And yes, he's an arse. Everyone around him will think so. The bragging is cringe, childish, insensitive, un-selfaware, irritating, pathetic. His lack of support for you, and the need for everything to be about him, makes it even worse.

You can't mend him. You shouldn't have to. If you have to try mending a partner, you're with the wrong person.

You deserve better.

Run, don't walk. He'll grind you down. Men like this are all talk, and they loathe anyone who is more successful.

Their sense of achievement comes from putting others, in this case you, down. Whatever you do, he'll have done it better, bigger, blah, blah, blah. Leave. Now.

My Ex was like this, one up man ship just about sums it up although funnily enough he was less so with other men😂

Everything from my career, house, illness and even death of a parent was diminished as his ‘experience’ was more worthy.

I stayed with him far too long - don’t make that mistake - it’s unlikely he will change.

Agree that being single can be lonely but it doesn’t make you a failure at relationships, you’d be more of a failure in my opinion if you continued to tolerate this behaviour (as I’m sure a lot of women in relationships do, sadly).

I couldn't bear it, OP. Not only is he bragging all the time, he's putting his achievements over yours all the time. He feels more superior if he can make you appear to be inferior. That's not a healthy relationship.

The other thing I couldn't stand is the pity in people's eyes when they are with you both. They are definitely thinking, "Why on earth are you with this utter prick?"

Loving the coo!

Agreed he sounds like a terrible prat, OP. Doesn’t your vagina clamp shut every time he drivels on about his own envelope-pushing?

My first thought, when reading this was: "Is your partner Donald Trump?"

Please take everyone's advice and leave him.

This would be a big hell no from me. Being a braggart is bad enough, but minimising your achievements is horrid behaviour for a partner. He sounds insecure and embarrassing.

My husband has a very high stakes sort of job and he does make quite big scary decisions as a regular part of it. My job is less dramatic and far more banal. I got a nice bit of feedback from a client the other day and showed my husband, and he was absolutely full of praise, even though it likely pales in comparison to the sort of thing he does every day. Your partner should lift you up when you do well, even if comparative to their own achievements it's quite minor!

I have to ask. Is he actually as great as he thinks he is? Because in my experience people like this never are. They did a few brave outlandish things in their 20's and then continue to brag about it for the next 30 years.

Please do update us when you’ve dumped this insufferable douchebag OP.

Goodness, what on earth must other think of him. Your family, your friends.

Do yourself a favour and move on. You deserve so much better.

My BIL encourages his wife to call him 'the king'. He even has a throne, at the kitchen table, which he made himself out of old pallet wood.

Dear Jesus. That is full-body cringe territory.

I remember listening to him, the only night we went out, with dead eyes, whilst we listened to him drone on and on a d on.

Every single conversation brought back to how wonderful he was and how others thought he was fabulous.

We couldn't believe WTF she was doing with him.

We ended up drinking far too much as there was little chat just listening to him droning on.

Husband said, NEVER again, and we didn't ever go out as couples again.

Other friends felt the same, he dominated the conversation with tales of his brilliance.

He was excellent in bed she said, but frankly, who cares.

I think it's a bit in unhinged territory.

Its a very unattractive trait.
Growing up we had a neighbour who was like this, my Mums reaction was "Well he works wonders, and shit marigolds!"😄

Run, OP, run!

As my username says, learn from me. I've been in a relationship for a decade and had kids with someone who is like this.

Due to my lack of self esteem I stayed with him beyond the first date, when he barely looked at me and just wanged on about himself. Then I became really isolated as many friends and acquaintances fell away as they couldn't stand him, so I ended up with him out of fear of being alone.

All the stuff PPs have mentioned about the cringe feelings in group situations as he boasts away, and people thinking you are crazy for being with him - yep, that's me!

Whatever I say or whatever happens to me, good or bad, he always, ALWAYS brings the conversation back to him.

I desperately want to split, but it is so hard because of the kids - don't be me, get out now!

Quick update, I can see that everyone seems to be on the same page with this because if he's insufferable now, it's only going to get worse. Thank you so much to everyone who has commented and posted, it's helped me a lot.

I feel like I can't unsee what I've seen, the ick is definitely setting in and as much as I did suffer his bad qualities for his good. I'm now beyond that.

A few people mentioned narcissist and I kept thinking, but he is generally kind. But after some searching, I've found 'low grade narcissist' which I've never heard of before but which describes him to a T. They are very me me me and wanting attention and adulation and interrupt and make everything about them, however they also don't have the malignant part of narcism but are very childish, like a teen that never grows up. Again this describes him to a T, he hates doing work around the house and just wants to have fun all the time, which works at the start of a relationship but gets boring once everyone has to adult.

I usually send odd texts throughout the day, all we've had is last night when I'd pulled him up for minimising my meeting he said 'I didn't mean anything by it, good luck' and in the morning I responded with 'see it wasn't that hard, you managed a whole sentence where you didn't brag about your own achievements, well done' and he said 'I hope your week goes well' nothing else all day. I'm going to keep a distance for the next few days while I have this meeting and get some work stuff completed.

He'll struggle because I'm not there to be his audience and he wants me there with him having fun (doing things he wants to do rather than things I want to do). But I'm going to give him a wide berth while I think everything through. We don't live together although we were thinking about it, we both have kids who've met a few times so that's tricky.

I just need to think it through and decide how it will play out, damage limitation, thanks for everyone's help 🙏