Partner talks about how amazing they are all the time

[chipswitheveryting]

So my partner spends a lot of time talking about themselves in a very positive light. They talk about how intelligent they are, how capable they are, how they are an out of the box thinker etc etc.

I have heard the same stories over and over again about amazing things they have done (not that amazing and some needs a big dash of salt). Anyhow, we've been together 2 and a bit years now and as much as I've adored him and hung on his every word (he is kind hearted and I do find him attractive) I'm so thoroughly bored of his boasting, I've starting getting snappy when he tells me for the millionth time how he's pushed boundaries further than anyone he knows etc.

Recently, I reached out and managed to arrange a meeting with a top person from my industry. This is a massive coo, I'm so proud of myself, this person liked the ideas I'd messaged to them and was willing to meet over coffee to discuss and explore them further. I messaged a friend in the same industry and she was blown away and couldn't believe it.

I told my partner I needed a couple of hours to read over reports etc to make sure I was knowledgeable and on my game for the meeting , Which is later this week.

His ex was very resentful of him, and it seems she didn't like spending time with him in the evenings etc.

It's only the last few days when I've actually started to sympathise with his ex, she sounded awful, but all the things he said she complained about, him being selfish, him not listening to her, now actually feel true. I see her point of view, and I didn't before.

I know, some of his stories make him sound like he expects a round of applause at the end. He's so impressed with himself.

But any time we've argued, he's reasonable and I'm 'emotional'.

Every recount of anything paints him in the best of lights. He's never wrong.

You do realise that “not abusive” is the absolute bare minimum you should expect in relationships and you’re allowed to have other criteria too, like “not an insufferable bragging egotistical fuckwit”? I couldn’t tolerate this, I dated someone similar and didn’t even get past three months, the break up was explosive as I ended up giving him a complete character assassination as his constant boasting drove me insane

It's just become too obvious now, I could have coped if it was more low level.

He actually told me that he got amazing sales training, and was taught the best way to win people over was to get them fling about themselves lots. But he doesn't put it into practice.

Well, the honeymoon period is well and truly over. You see him for who he truly is now. Do you REALLY want to continue to be saddled with such a braggart?

I'm clearly working from the ground up, yes I think I need to move on and chalk this up to experience.

Lately I've been feeling like I'll just be hugely resentful of him for stealing so much airtime. I'll never get all those hours back

OP, my dad’s like this. It’s a slow death of the soul listening to him boast endlessly about the same old stuff. It’s weird because we’re from a culture where people are way more inclined to play everything right down.

He also claims triumphs that aren’t his, like your DP, and we’ve also heard the stories grow with each retelling. It’s so embarrassing when he does it in front of people and you see them thinking WTF?

He once told DB, after watching him work in his profession, that he too could do it. In fact, no, he’d have been a <<insert more competitive, prestigious and highly paid position within the same field>> My dad is a smart guy in many ways but it’s a really difficult course and a tough, respected job, so it’s strange thing to say. And even if he was right, it really struck me that was the main thing he came away thinking; not, I am proud, but I’d be so much better at this than my kid, with absolutely no thought of how that diminished the work it took, or their respective personal aptitudes (I’m bloody certain none of us would claim we could have done DD’s job no matter how long we trained, and I’m sure he’d agree, not least because he was the greatest of all time😬).

I know why he does it and I feel bad for him because he had a tough upbringing and it comes from a place of deep, deep insecurity, but the constant grandiose monologuing really gets everyone down. My mum listens politely but sometimes she sits and stares at him while he’s off on one and you can tell she just wants to shout SHUT THE FUCK UP.

It’s a shame for him that he’s losing you over this but personally I wouldn’t stay in a relationship with someone who needs to constantly validate himself like that, even worse that it’s at the expense of someone he should be backing all the way. Maybe if he was willing to listen you could see if he changed, but is it worth it, I dunno.

Anyway, well done on your triumph, you’re smashing it.

Ugh. Sounds draining.
My ex did the same. He constantly droned on about this being wonderful and that. His friends were better than mine, his life was better than mine… When I qualified college and got my first proper job in what I had spent 7 years in Uni for, he didn’t even say congratulations. Didn’t even look up from his laptop when I told him. Had an issue with me being a ‘college person’. Nothing was worth anything when it wasn’t him in the spotlight.
If you see this is going on a lot, think carefully about the future. You need a supporter, not someone who’s too busy gushing over himself to give you the recognition you deserve!

Lol 😆

😁

That would definitely finish it for me. I'd never be able to trust him not to screw me over financially.

Get rid

Thanks, that's really relatable, you see, I was definitely of the opinion. That there's quite a few of these types out there and they are tolerated by most family and friends. Particularly because the trait comes from insecurity, and I was minded to just put up with it as it could be a lot worse. But having read what you wrote, the thought of listening to the same stories for all those years, I just think I would snap. I feel like I can't unsee it now. I don't think I'm as patient as your mum.

Yes he did initially look like a supporter. It's like that mask is slipping now that we're 2 years in. And his ability to talk about himself has increased massively. But you're right, it's too draining.

My stbxh is like this. Wasn't in the slightest bit interested in my life, would actually cut me off mid sentence to go back to talking about him and how great he is. The other thing was you could never be iller than him. If you had a slight cold he had pneumonia. Couldn't keep friends because he made them feel small, insisted on paying for stuff etc He lies like a motjerfucker too. He was diagnosed later in life as autistic, not sure of the narcissism is related or separate but it's soul destroying. I stayed 18 years and had 2 kids, he's still a nightmare 2 yrs post separation

I'm glad you're starting to see.

Set your bar higher. Many men aren't abusive. Date a few to get more experience.

And well done on your achievement ⭐

OP, a few things really stood out to me in your posts:

• you said a few times something along the lines of "how can I fix him to make him better?". You can't, and it's not your job to. You can't cobble a decent partner together.
• You don't want to break up with him because you've already put in two years and he's not abusive. That's the lowest of low bars. Google "sunk costs fallacy".
• you think being with a complete tit like this man is better than being alone? Why? it's obvious from your posts that you are successful, smart and funny. Why do you need to be with anyone?

You are a whole person. Consider getting some therapy so that you can enjoy being that whole person, raise your bar and improve your self-esteem.

This isn't men, it's not normal and it's not acceptable.
OP your partner sounds like an absolute dick and I don't know how you tolerate him. I was going to write a long winded reply but this is all that needs to be said.

Totally agree. I know plenty of men through family friends and work. The majority aren't like this.

OP, how's your preparation going? Have you got the time you need? I hope it goes good. He's drawn the focus to him, but his needs for better or for worse do not supercede yours and right now, this is about you. I say focus on that.

He sounds insufferable. You, on the hand, sound fabulous. He’ll get more and more jealous of your upbeat personality and achievements and will try to dampen your shine. You are too good for him.
Run and don’t look back OP!

It’s bloody annoying, but it definitely comes from a place of enormous insecurity. If you can be arsed, I would point that out to him and ask him what it is he is so insecure about? And that by telling everyone how utterly utterly marvellous he is, he is actually announcing his insecurities to the world. Psychotherapy would help him. But, if you’ve got the ick and had enough, bin him and tell him why.

God almighty it's no reason to stay in a bad relationship just because he's not abusive! He's boring and self obsessed, unsupportive and unkind. Grim.

Not the point, but a gentle correction. It is pronounced coo, but written as coup.

Sunk cost fallacy - don’t stay just because it’s been over 2 years or he’s not as bad as others you’ve been with. If he’s not right for you then get out, and honestly he sounds like a self indulgent prick

I wonder if there is any way I can make him feel ok in his own skin so he doesn't have to do this irritating boasting all the time.

Why do you think it should be you that fixes him? Why not dump him and let him develop some self awareness ? Have you considered that you might be enabling him?

Now that you have spotted his failing, be glad that you are learning what to look for in a partner. You are getting better at picking 'em. Nothing wrong with being mistaken, its what you do, now you have spotted it, that matters.

This is 'you only have one life territory'. You deserve so.much.more.