Partner talks about how amazing they are all the time

[chipswitheveryting]

So my partner spends a lot of time talking about themselves in a very positive light. They talk about how intelligent they are, how capable they are, how they are an out of the box thinker etc etc.

I have heard the same stories over and over again about amazing things they have done (not that amazing and some needs a big dash of salt). Anyhow, we've been together 2 and a bit years now and as much as I've adored him and hung on his every word (he is kind hearted and I do find him attractive) I'm so thoroughly bored of his boasting, I've starting getting snappy when he tells me for the millionth time how he's pushed boundaries further than anyone he knows etc.

Recently, I reached out and managed to arrange a meeting with a top person from my industry. This is a massive coo, I'm so proud of myself, this person liked the ideas I'd messaged to them and was willing to meet over coffee to discuss and explore them further. I messaged a friend in the same industry and she was blown away and couldn't believe it.

I told my partner I needed a couple of hours to read over reports etc to make sure I was knowledgeable and on my game for the meeting , Which is later this week.

Thanks, yes I don't talk much about my successes, I've had a few but I don't have any reason to bring them up constantly.

The fact that I had a very positive thing happen and he is giving it no air time and is making out it's no big deal has just brought his behaviour into very sharp focus. I normally tolerate his drivel because he's generally nice to me and can be interesting when he's talking about other subjects.

Now I'm just worried the rot is setting in and I'll find him harder and harder to tolerate.

Yes your psychological analysis sounds likely. I wonder if there is any way I can make him feel ok in his own skin so he doesn't have to do this irritating boasting all the time.

Ah yes I've had exactly the same thing from a 56 year old man I was in a relationship with for 2.5 years. You start off thinking they're just trying to sell themselves at the beginning of a relationship. Turns out they just go on about how great they are and everything they've ever done or bought was bigger and better than everyone else's.

I got fed up with it. I also had back handed comments like how his lounge was 2 inches wider than mine (we had identical houses)!

Being in places like pubs and social gathering was embarrassing due to his comments and I could tell others were fed up and were looking at me as if to say "why are you with this knob?"

I ended the relationship. Afterwards so many people said how my ex was a Billy Big Spuds and how he would not let anyone else shine.

My only regret is letting it go on so long. Funnily enough, a year later my ex said that he behaved like that due to low self esteem. He wanted to get back together...no chance!

Then stop being a mug.

He's late forties and has generally fallen out with friends over the years who've struggled to tolerate him.

He should know better after all the relationships which have gone by the wayside.

I just wish I could get him to pipe down and focus on other people more.

Yes that sounds familiar, one up man ship, not giving airtime for other peoples successes, almost being resentful if others get the limelight for a bit when they discuss a matter that impacts them.

Ah thats another thing OP, these people become loners due to ruining their relationships with family and friends

Yes I was lonely on my own, he was hood company at the beginning, but of course at the early stages you do talk about yourself a lot so the other person gets to know you. He just hasn't stopped.

I could be single again, I just feel like I'm failing by having such a short relationship, 2 years isn't long. It'd be better if it was 2 months, but 2 years means I've suffered his foolishness a long time when others wouldn't have.

I wonder how some have long term relationships, when I just attract abusers or people like this.

I'm pleased I'm not the only one to take a while to really spot it.

I do think that low self esteem fuels it, but I also think that they won't stop, even knowing that fact.

Oh OP. He sounds dreadful. Please leave.

Well done on your massive coup, OP.

It sounds like his reaction has opened your eyes and now you may be getting the Ick.

And congratulations on your achievement 💪🏼🏆

Leaving your repulsively boastful and selfish boyfriend will also be a real achievement.

No OP, it won't stop. I gave him chance after chance. I pointed this problem out in various ways directly and indirectly but he didnt care. The cause is deeply rooted. He is now barred from his local pub for being a pain and the locals in the remaining pubs leave when he enters.

My life is much better without him and I don't feel worthless from his minimising. Please think about extracting yourself from this relationship and don't let him back in - block on all platforms. Best of luck x

I honestly think the ick might have started, I'm looking at him with completely fresh eyes now.

A few months ago, I didn't even notice that he talked about himself this much, he seemed to have more varied conversations.

Either he's bigging himself up more (his business is wobbly right now) because he feels more insecure than normal. Or I've had my eyes opened fully through the huge difference between his constant bragging and his instant almost dismissal of my good news.

Being abusive is not the only reason to end a relationship. I just think what you said there is really odd. Relationships end for many reasons e.g. incompatibility; growing apart; distance; cheating; no longer fancying each other; someone being a twat, etc.

Just because you've been with him for 2 years, doesn't mean you just have to continue to tolerate him.

Just end it, and chalk it up to experience.

And thanks to everyone who's saying well done, I am happy but that wasn't the reason I wrote here, it just highlighted very clearly what I hadn't fully seen until that happened. But as it happens, I'm getting the praise here which I should have got from him.

Yes, I've found he even tries to rewrite history to make things that were never about him, about him, ie a new client comes out with an idea, the third time he tells the story, it's his idea.

So he’s a liar. I suspect as you stop listening to his bullshit he wont be half as nice to you.

He sounds an utter bore. If he's like this now... what will he be like in a few years. Could you actually bare to be still listening to his drivel?

Reading somanythreads

Yes it probably does seem odd, I just thought tolerating someone whose irritating is better than being alone. I'm not convinced I can attract none abusers, abuse shows up in different ways, I've had financial, physical and coercive control, I'm scared to risk finding someone else, who initially looks nice, but later turns out to be abusive.

I just can't tell, I wish I was more discerning.

"If you have to continually tell people how amazing you are, then maybe you're not actually all that amazing..."

A coup.

He definitely lies, and can be shifty, like we get a joint membership to a gym, both paying same, he says go and get changed and I'll meet you in the pool. 2 weeks later I see he's stashed 6 VIP passes which were handed out at sign up. I mean, why not just say, 'we got 6 vip passes, who shall we give them too?' But he kept them and hid them from me. I just find it odd.

My mil does this to Mack massive insecurity. Doesn’t stop it being laughably annoying.

• mask

Sounds like an acquaintance of mine. I hate those kinds of people. I think they get off on annoying you and getting a rise from you so they can argue you into submission and feel great about themselves. Cutting all ties was the only answer for me.