Partner talks about how amazing they are all the time

[chipswitheveryting]

So my partner spends a lot of time talking about themselves in a very positive light. They talk about how intelligent they are, how capable they are, how they are an out of the box thinker etc etc.

I have heard the same stories over and over again about amazing things they have done (not that amazing and some needs a big dash of salt). Anyhow, we've been together 2 and a bit years now and as much as I've adored him and hung on his every word (he is kind hearted and I do find him attractive) I'm so thoroughly bored of his boasting, I've starting getting snappy when he tells me for the millionth time how he's pushed boundaries further than anyone he knows etc.

Recently, I reached out and managed to arrange a meeting with a top person from my industry. This is a massive coo, I'm so proud of myself, this person liked the ideas I'd messaged to them and was willing to meet over coffee to discuss and explore them further. I messaged a friend in the same industry and she was blown away and couldn't believe it.

I told my partner I needed a couple of hours to read over reports etc to make sure I was knowledgeable and on my game for the meeting , Which is later this week.

He’s just not very nice, is he?

Just block him and move on. You are much better off without this nonsense.

OP his reaction is laughable, sounds like you had a lucky escape, as life with him would be boring and mentally draining (and not great for your confidence).

I can’t stand types like this, my friend, who is the kindest nicest soul, is married to one like this, he goes on and on about how amazing he is. When we meet in a social setting he always overtakes the conversation (even if we maybe want to chat about what me or her have been up to) and turns it to him and his greatness. Exhausting.

I haven’t read all the replies, but if it were my chap, I would be putting him up a star chart on the kitchen wall, getting him to apply a coloured star every time he mentioned something, and also printing off random certificates that could be roughly crayoned in….

I hope you're ok. You did the right thing being honest.

LOL!

He sounds like an insufferable narcissist

Hi OP,

It is not just an attempt to keep a positive attitude, as he says. People who keep a positive attitude celebrate others' achievements

I keep a "positive attitude" and have changed my life through that. One of the techniques you can use if you have low self esteem or a low self concept is to big yourself up in your own mind and tell yourself your positive qualities, but this is something you do in the privacy of your own head...you don't ever do it out loud because obviously it comes across as conceited. Anyone practising this technique who has an ounce of social awareness knows this.

I wonder if there is any way I can make him feel ok in his own skin so he doesn't have to do this irritating boasting all the time.

@chipswitheveryting why would you think this is your responsibility? This is not your project. I suspect this is his personality, insecurity masked with constant declarations of self importance. Either that or he is just a massive bell end with a hugely disproportionate ego.

This man is not your problem to solve. Move on and be happy with someone who would love, support and nurture you, celebrating your successes. Not someone who sees everything as an opportunity for self promotion.

It’s not your job to ‘fix’ him @chipswitheveryting.

You wanting growth for him doesn’t matter. He is who and how he is. It’s up to him to choose to grow - or not.

Someone said upthread ‘women are not a rehabilitation facility for damaged men’. Really look at that and see that trying to fix him is only going to cause upset on both sides.

The time you’ve spent with him is a sunk cost. Don’t waste your energy and time trying to turn him into the man you actually need.

Other men are available. Men you aren’t egotists who put you down to make themselves feel better.

Sorry hadn’t read the full thread and just saw your updates.

Well now you’ve seen him for what he really is and called him out on it, he’s running scared. Thrown his toys out of his pram big time hasn’t he?!

Meh. What a saddo. Move on my lovely.

So.. middle of the night update as I can't sleep for thinking about it.

We did split, barely any contact over last few days, we had a slanging match by text last week where he said some unkind things and I said some back etc.

Last contact on Friday was a message saying, if you e done what I think you've done, I'll never trust you again. Not sure what he means, he never explained himself. Anyhow, I saw his tinder profile was up and running again, I had a snoop. And over the last 3 days he's been on WhatsApp constantly. I messaged him saying it's obvious he's moved on as he's on WhatsApp constantly. He said he's just sorting work stuff and playing games. He's never played games on WhatsApp, or done any work stuff late at night, so he's moved on about 2 weeks after we've split.

Now I do think it's best that it's over, but I'm so hurt he's moving on that quickly, I mean a month or two later maybe?? But a week or two later....

He's due to come to my house on Thursday afternoon to collect his stuff and I'm dreading it. I don't know whether to get someone else to be here instead of me.

I don't think I want to see him. We need to swap keys as I had one for his house and he had one for mine. He's bringing my stuff, just a carrier bag full, not much, he's left furniture at mine as he didn't have storage space at his but he's now coming for that.

Would you just front it out and see him? Would you get a friend of family member in to support you? I'm dreading it.

Him seeming like he’s moved on is just about him trying to distract himself, it doesn’t really mean he’s fine and in a great place for a relationship.

Yea I agree, I think 2 weeks on means he's not in the right frame of mind. I think he's giving his ego a lift by being flattered. It hurts though, dreading seeing him on Thursday.

You arranged a meeting with a big noise and they loved what you've told them so far? That's so friggin exciting. Well done.

@lousyatchoosingnames Just have all his little bits n pieces in a carrier bag at the front door, get a friend round for moral support if you want. But try and console yourself with the knowledge you’re getting rid of a blight on your life! Someone with the emotional depth of a teaspoon, who only cares about himself - you’re worth SO much more than this, or what he can offer. Concentrate on you and your potential, it will be much more rewarding!

He has low self esteem and clearly thinks he has to show his worth by boasting/not validating you. Try telling him he’s part of a power couple now, which will reflect well on him. Explain you’ve been lacking in self esteem and this is a real boost. Etc

No….that’s a massive coo

I'm not surprised he's on Tinder. Don't forget he has an intrinsic need to crow about himself. He'll be able to brag to his heart's content with some new unsuspecting women.

There's also the bonus of hurting you. That weird cryptic text is just manipulative to put you on the back foot.

Every action in your update is coming from a place of insecurity and trying to assert power because the only way he can feel good about himself is by trampling on others and preening about how amazing he is.

Personally I think it would shatter all that a bit if you were there for the swapover but icily polite with him. Channel your professionalism and treat it as a business transaction with someone you really dislike.

He sounds awful. DH is much more successful than I am in terms of work, he also plays a sport to quite high level but he never sees me or treats me as lesser, we celebrate both of our achievements (and commiserate our failures) together without comparing notes on who is the most impressive. You absolutely deserve better, it can be hard to see this if you've had abusive relationships though.

Agree with @Sparklfairy not the least bit surprised he's straight back on Tinder.

Exactly what you would expect from a shallow, dim, insecure, self absorbed twitterer, with zero self awareness.

You have been very brave to get rid, he's a total idiot that really would have brought into question your judgement with people who would meet you together.

Harsh but honest!

This behaviour is really consistent with his sub intelligence character.

Given he’s sent some nasty messages and he has previously behaved better (toned things down) with other people I would definitely recommend having someone with you when he comes around. Keep it simple and business like so you’re not going to get into a conversation about the relationship ending. Have a code phrase for ending the interaction with your friend, like “we need to check if the oven’s warmed up for the pizza” which signals that he needs to leave so you can get on with things. Don’t be afraid to tell him that he needs to leave now. Good luck with it!