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Original poster

Friends invitation gone sour

233 replies

HowUAI · 10/06/2023 22:07

Just wanted to discuss an awkward situation I found myself in with regards to a couple that my husband and I are friends with for several years now. It started off as a text on a group chat that only the 4 of us share. They initiated the conversation asking us at very short notice if we would be free over the weekend for a meal at their house. As I had to be at work on the Saturday till late (and could absolutely not rearrange due to the nature of my job), I immediately replied I wouldn’t be available Saturday night. Thinking they would suggest an alternative day. The texts stopped for a while and after a couple of hours they texted us again asking if I minded if my husband could join them alone on Saturday night as they went ahead and organized a meal and invited 2 other couples too that we are very good friends with too. Honestly I didn’t know what to think of that! I was quite shocked at how blatantly rude they were. Starting off wanting to check our availability making us think they would try to find an suitable day and then going ahead with organizing the meal anyway and making me feel really left out as they knew it would be impossible to join them. Moreover even if husband accepted their invitation, how selfish of them to think it’s ok to sit there enjoying themselves, when I am doing a very stressful job and not caring about my feelings. I would be just fine if they just texted back saying nevermind they will arrange another time soon or something similar. But to rub it in like that and think it’s ok! Why did I have to feel bad when it was their idea to try to plan a lovely meal and then leave me out! This is a couple who usually dined out 2-3 times a week with different friends, so surely they could have scheduled it a different day if they really wanted our company. They never called me to explain in person not did they try to find an excuse as to why the meal had to be on that specific night I couldn’t make. My husband of course politely declined the invitation to join them on his own, but honestly it made me think that perhaps they were never really that keen on my company all these years and only rate my husband as the “better half” of the couple we are. I honestly don’t know if I should pretend this never happened or if I should unfriend them forever!

OP posts:
AnotherpostAnotherQuestion · 10/06/2023 22:10

Sorry to say but I really don't think they have done anything wrong.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 10/06/2023 22:10

You're completely over reacting. They wanted a dinner party with a few people. They sent a text out to a few couples and some of them could make it so they decided to go ahead. One of the couples replied and said one person in the couple would be working, so they invited the other half of the couple in case they were at a loose end. The end.

ChickenSoupAndLokshen · 10/06/2023 22:12

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 10/06/2023 22:10

You're completely over reacting. They wanted a dinner party with a few people. They sent a text out to a few couples and some of them could make it so they decided to go ahead. One of the couples replied and said one person in the couple would be working, so they invited the other half of the couple in case they were at a loose end. The end.

This.
Chill out.

RelentlessForwardProgress · 10/06/2023 22:13

" Moreover even if husband accepted their invitation, how selfish of them to think it’s ok to sit there enjoying themselves, when I am doing a very stressful job and not caring about my feelings"

That's more than a bit bonkers, OP

SqB · 10/06/2023 22:13

I don’t understand why you feel hurt by this to be honest. If I can’t make something, I normally thank people for the invite, wish them a good evening and tell them I’ll look forward to seeing them next time. Nice your husband won’t be alone when you’re working.

Cherryana · 10/06/2023 22:14

I think you are overthinking this and being very sensitive.

No one is ‘having a great time and thinking about you doing a stressful job’…they are having dinner any way and wondered if your husband wanted to join in rather than be home alone.

I think you need to think about why you have jumped to such worse case assumptions about their motivation.

TheoreticalRefusal · 10/06/2023 22:15

Don't be so silly.

CurlyTandtheTangles · 10/06/2023 22:15

I'm not really seeing the need to unfriend them.
It was probably a date suiting them (could be a reason behind that).
If your husband had been working they'd probably have invited you. I'm sure it wasn't done to offend laugh in your face for having to work etc. It was an invite for a meal not a major celebration party.

Though to me it probably doesn't seem ridiculous/offensive as my mother worked unpredictable hours and my father would go off to lots of social.events with the other couples including meals at their houses. And sometimes he'd take me along. I used to love it.

TheCrystalPalace · 10/06/2023 22:16

Blimey, you're hard work!!

PaperwhiteTheGhost · 10/06/2023 22:16

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 10/06/2023 22:10

You're completely over reacting. They wanted a dinner party with a few people. They sent a text out to a few couples and some of them could make it so they decided to go ahead. One of the couples replied and said one person in the couple would be working, so they invited the other half of the couple in case they were at a loose end. The end.

Agree. And I am a fellow shift worker with a similarly (or maybe even the same) stressful job.

It always sucks to miss out, but them’s the breaks. I never begrudge my DP socialising without me.

FannyFifer · 10/06/2023 22:16

Was nice of them to still invite your husband even though you couldn't make it.
Your reaction is pretty odd tbh.

EyelessArseFace · 10/06/2023 22:16

I call reverse.

PN54DJS · 10/06/2023 22:17

Christ on a bike.

The 'of course DH politely declined' - of course what??? If he's at a loose end why can't he go?

They're really not leaving you out. They invited you. You can't make it. Your problem. Arrange a different date.

Your husband doesn't have to miss out though..

Chill.

Lissadell · 10/06/2023 22:17

In the nicest possible way, OP, if you’re like this highly-strung and aggressively offended in person, I imagine your friends were trying to figure out a time they could legitimately invite your DH without you.

PN54DJS · 10/06/2023 22:17

EyelessArseFace · 10/06/2023 22:16

I call reverse.

Same!

Awrite · 10/06/2023 22:17

You come over as very self important.

It wouldn't cross my mind that this was rude.

I would have encouraged dh to go if he wanted to.

Uurrjb · 10/06/2023 22:18

🥴

Whatthediddlyfeck · 10/06/2023 22:18

PaperwhiteTheGhost · 10/06/2023 22:16

Agree. And I am a fellow shift worker with a similarly (or maybe even the same) stressful job.

It always sucks to miss out, but them’s the breaks. I never begrudge my DP socialising without me.

Show quote history

Yet another one here. I’ve lost count of the number of social things dh has gone to without me over the years. It sucks, but it’s the nature of the job.

Go and get over yourself

CurlyTandtheTangles · 10/06/2023 22:18

Lissadell · 10/06/2023 22:17

In the nicest possible way, OP, if you’re like this highly-strung and aggressively offended in person, I imagine your friends were trying to figure out a time they could legitimately invite your DH without you.

Ouch.

DanceMonster · 10/06/2023 22:18

Do you think no one should be enjoying themselves when you’re at work, or just these particular people?
Honestly OP this is… insane. They wanted a dinner party. They invited a few couples. Some could make it, you couldn’t. They went ahead and asked if your DH was free to go anyway. What’s the issue?
What would you prefer your partner to be doing while you’re working? Sitting at home pining for you?

herringboner · 10/06/2023 22:19

All the best OP x

Hyppogriff · 10/06/2023 22:19

Sorry but you are massively overreacting and I don’t think they have done anything wrong . Also you have a slightly odd view of you and your husband as sort of one person who can’t do anything apart !

HeddaGarbled · 10/06/2023 22:20

how selfish of them to think it’s ok to sit there enjoying themselves, when I am doing a very stressful job and not caring about my feelings

That’s a bit of an odd attitude, if you really think about it. Your friends and family can’t go into purdah whenever you’re at work. Sometimes, you’ll be enjoying yourself while people you care about are working.

Grumpigal · 10/06/2023 22:21

Yeah OP have to agree with everyone above, what they’ve done is completely normal and reasonable and it’s you and your husband who are being unreasonable sorry.

Im baffled that you think your husband isn’t allowed to socialise without you. Poor husband!

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/06/2023 22:21

CurlyTandtheTangles · 10/06/2023 22:18

Ouch.

Show quote history

Yet fair