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Original poster

Friends invitation gone sour

233 replies

HowUAI · 10/06/2023 22:07

Just wanted to discuss an awkward situation I found myself in with regards to a couple that my husband and I are friends with for several years now. It started off as a text on a group chat that only the 4 of us share. They initiated the conversation asking us at very short notice if we would be free over the weekend for a meal at their house. As I had to be at work on the Saturday till late (and could absolutely not rearrange due to the nature of my job), I immediately replied I wouldn’t be available Saturday night. Thinking they would suggest an alternative day. The texts stopped for a while and after a couple of hours they texted us again asking if I minded if my husband could join them alone on Saturday night as they went ahead and organized a meal and invited 2 other couples too that we are very good friends with too. Honestly I didn’t know what to think of that! I was quite shocked at how blatantly rude they were. Starting off wanting to check our availability making us think they would try to find an suitable day and then going ahead with organizing the meal anyway and making me feel really left out as they knew it would be impossible to join them. Moreover even if husband accepted their invitation, how selfish of them to think it’s ok to sit there enjoying themselves, when I am doing a very stressful job and not caring about my feelings. I would be just fine if they just texted back saying nevermind they will arrange another time soon or something similar. But to rub it in like that and think it’s ok! Why did I have to feel bad when it was their idea to try to plan a lovely meal and then leave me out! This is a couple who usually dined out 2-3 times a week with different friends, so surely they could have scheduled it a different day if they really wanted our company. They never called me to explain in person not did they try to find an excuse as to why the meal had to be on that specific night I couldn’t make. My husband of course politely declined the invitation to join them on his own, but honestly it made me think that perhaps they were never really that keen on my company all these years and only rate my husband as the “better half” of the couple we are. I honestly don’t know if I should pretend this never happened or if I should unfriend them forever!

OP posts:
AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 10/06/2023 22:22

EyelessArseFace · 10/06/2023 22:16

I call reverse.

From whose POV?

The inviting couple wouldn't know how the wife was feeling, that wouldn't make sense

AngryBirdsNoMore · 10/06/2023 22:23

Blimey. This is bonkers.

Alwayswonderedwhy · 10/06/2023 22:23

Yanbu. Do you really think people shouldn't enjoy themselves while you're at work?
Wouldn't bother me if my husband chose to go. There will plenty of other chances to socialize together.

007DoubleOSeven · 10/06/2023 22:23

TheoreticalRefusal · 10/06/2023 22:15

Don't be so silly.

Agreed.

AngryBirdsNoMore · 10/06/2023 22:24

For the avoidance of doubt - very, very clearly YABU

TheCrystalPalace · 10/06/2023 22:24

So you think everyone should have stayed home alone just because you were working? And spent the time considering your feelings about doing a stressful job?

JandalsAlways · 10/06/2023 22:25

You sound like hard work. I'd have no issue with my husband going out if I had to work, in fact I would be pleased for him that he still gets to enjoy the evening

llamallama6384 · 10/06/2023 22:26

I you are being ridiculous. Absolute madness

gogohmm · 10/06/2023 22:26

Completely overreacting. They asked if you were available, you weren't, they obviously had asked others too. They then checked to see if he wanted to come without you.

Why should the other guests be let down because you are working

cracktheshutters · 10/06/2023 22:27

I often go to events and functions DH free due to his job, I hate going alone but he encourages me to get out and about without him as he doesn’t want me sat at home on my own while he’s working…

Goldrushed · 10/06/2023 22:28

Another vote for bonkers.

Or a weird reverse that I can't quite suss out the angle of.

FictionalCharacter · 10/06/2023 22:29

@HowUAI , have you considered that if they'd arranged it for another day to suit you, someone out of the other couples might not have been able to make it?
If you decline an invitation to anything, you can't expect the host to cancel or rearrange it just for you.

Cosycover · 10/06/2023 22:30

😂😂😂😂😂

Does your husband have to sit in a dark room staring at a wall every time you go to work or just on Saturday nights?

Fedupwife28 · 10/06/2023 22:30

You seem entitled. If you can’t go, you can’t go. Go to the next one, unless of course you’re going to stop speaking to them for inviting you to a dinner you can’t attend?

PragmaticWench · 10/06/2023 22:31

I actually think it was nice they still wanted your DH to go, even if you couldn't. So he was wanted for himself, not just as an extra to you.

EyelessArseFace · 10/06/2023 22:32

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 10/06/2023 22:22

From whose POV?

The inviting couple wouldn't know how the wife was feeling, that wouldn't make sense

Show quote history

It does make sense if they have been told about how the 'uninvited' feels.

pinktour2023 · 10/06/2023 22:32

AngryBirdsNoMore · 10/06/2023 22:24

For the avoidance of doubt - very, very clearly YABU

😂😂😂😂

FiddleLeaf · 10/06/2023 22:33

So is your husband not allowed to go out when you’re working?

YukoandHiro · 10/06/2023 22:34

Wtf. You sound a bit unhinged from this post. Why is it rude for them to invite your DH just because you can't go? If they're having an event and they'd like him to be there but you're at work, of course he can and should go if he wants to

Midlifebaby · 10/06/2023 22:35

I kind of want to give you a hug and tell you it’s ok. This is the most unreasonable AIBU I’ve read in a while, but it’s filled with sadness and emotion and I’m not pitying you, but I feel really sorry for you that you felt that way. And it’s sad your husband couldn’t have dinner with your friends - just because you’re working it shouldn’t mean life has to stop for everyone else.

Maddy70 · 10/06/2023 22:36

They invited you. You couldn't make it. They others could they haven't done anything wrong at all

Dartmoorcheffy · 10/06/2023 22:37

Wow your reaction is completely an over reaction. My job means I'm often working weekend evenings and have to miss out on lots of social events, even with family but I would never expect them to not do things if I couldn't attend, and I'd rather my dp go and have fun than be stuck at home on his own while I'm not working. Stop being so bloody precious.

mondaytosunday · 10/06/2023 22:38

Goodness no one can have a nice dinner if you're working? Your husband has to miss out because you can't go? Your friends can't arrange an evening dinner without clearing it with you? Jeez.

Theos · 10/06/2023 22:38

Weiiiirdo

Sierra26 · 10/06/2023 22:39

YABVU

They didn’t say “we really must find a date to get together!”. They invited you to a dinner party they’d already set the date for.

the only weird thing about their behaviour was asking your permission for your DH to come. Should have been more like “okay sorry you can’t make it! OPDH feel free to join if you’re at a loose end”

if you work shifts, there must be times where you’re enjoying yourself doing something while not at work, while your DH and friends are at work. Do you feels selfish when that happens?