Friends invitation gone sour

[HowUAI]

Just wanted to discuss an awkward situation I found myself in with regards to a couple that my husband and I are friends with for several years now. It started off as a text on a group chat that only the 4 of us share. They initiated the conversation asking us at very short notice if we would be free over the weekend for a meal at their house. As I had to be at work on the Saturday till late (and could absolutely not rearrange due to the nature of my job), I immediately replied I wouldn’t be available Saturday night. Thinking they would suggest an alternative day. The texts stopped for a while and after a couple of hours they texted us again asking if I minded if my husband could join them alone on Saturday night as they went ahead and organized a meal and invited 2 other couples too that we are very good friends with too. Honestly I didn’t know what to think of that! I was quite shocked at how blatantly rude they were. Starting off wanting to check our availability making us think they would try to find an suitable day and then going ahead with organizing the meal anyway and making me feel really left out as they knew it would be impossible to join them. Moreover even if husband accepted their invitation, how selfish of them to think it’s ok to sit there enjoying themselves, when I am doing a very stressful job and not caring about my feelings. I would be just fine if they just texted back saying nevermind they will arrange another time soon or something similar. But to rub it in like that and think it’s ok! Why did I have to feel bad when it was their idea to try to plan a lovely meal and then leave me out! This is a couple who usually dined out 2-3 times a week with different friends, so surely they could have scheduled it a different day if they really wanted our company. They never called me to explain in person not did they try to find an excuse as to why the meal had to be on that specific night I couldn’t make. My husband of course politely declined the invitation to join them on his own, but honestly it made me think that perhaps they were never really that keen on my company all these years and only rate my husband as the “better half” of the couple we are. I honestly don’t know if I should pretend this never happened or if I should unfriend them forever!

If that were the case then I think it definitely would have warranted a post. This not so much.

As someone said upthread, stop being so silly.
It’s a pita that you were working, and couldn’t go, but just reflect on how nice it was to be asked. After all, it’s the thought that counts.

So they weren’t asking about your general availability then, they asked if you were free that specific day.

I’m sorry but you are totally overreacting, they’ve done nothing wrong.

I thought this tbh.

You're really taking this way too personally. They can have dinner parties whenever they want and invite whoever they want, even though you can't attend.

I maybe I have over reacted a tiny bit.

You way over reacted.

I think that if your friends get wind of how annoyed you get if they don’t invite you to things in the way you deem acceptable that they just won’t invite you at all.

But they didn't ask you for your availability as such. I'm paraphrasing here, but they asked if you were free Saturday for dinner. You said no, I'm not free, I'm working. They said, "Oh ok, we're having dinner party, does DH want to come anyway?". That's not asking when you are available.

Complete over reaction-is your Husband not allowed to enjoy himself whilst your working? My Husband meets up with friends quite often whilst I stay home and look after our kids (we struggle to find a babysitter and dont live close to family). I always say to him better to have one of us go than miss out. As long as you get plenty of opportunities to meet up with friends too, I cant see anyone’s done anything wrong.

Moreover even if husband accepted their invitation, how selfish of them to think it’s ok to sit there enjoying themselves, when I am doing a very stressful job and not caring about my feelings

What a bizarre thought process. The world doesn’t stop because you are at work. People don’t have to ‘not have a good time’ because you are working and they are not on any given occasion. I used to do 24/7 shifts and missed out on lots of stuff. Never once crossed my mind that everyone else’s social lives should shut down while I’m at work. Also, once our kids were old enough to be left at home without a parent, of course my DH would go to things without me if I was working, and with my blessing, why on earth not?

No point asking availability if the intention was to have the dinner party on a specific day anyway

Of course there is. There will likely never be a time perfect for all, but asking about availability means finding a date that can accomodate 90% of people, rather than imposing a date where only 30% would be able to come. It’s common sense.

In my opinion there is much deeper stuff going on here than the dinner party. Op take some time for yourself to find out why you have massively overreacted over nothing.

They weren't asking when you were free, they clearly wanted to arrange a party that Saturday. They did nothing wrong.

I don't think it was personal OP.

how selfish of them to think it’s ok to sit there enjoying themselves, when I am doing a very stressful job and not caring about my feelings.

I'm honestly staggered by this sentence. If you're this self absorbed in real life then I can totally see why they weren't too bothered about you being there.

I think this is a wind-up

So… nobody should do anything on Saturday night because you’re working?!!

And they should cancel or rearrange their dinner party because you can’t come?!

Is this a reverse?!

Maybe they couldn't find a suitable date. I'd have been happy to let my husband go alone. I do t see the issue at all.

Christ on a bike.
Your overthinking is massive. The fact you even consider them 'not considering my stressful job that I'll be doing (WTF? ) whilst they invite only my husband to the dinner party' is so self indulgent and narcissist it's almost comical.

No idea why this would bother you.

Has anyone eve told you that you are a bit weird?

Very much this!

Sounds fine to me. You just overreacted and sound like a pain. Who cares that you have a stressful job? That doesn't mean people can't enjoy a night without you.

Wow no, you're way off here OP.

EastEnders?

You are being ridiculous, why should everyone else including your husband miss out just because you are working. Finding a date that works for all 8 is probably very hard so they chose a date that worked for the majority. I feel sorry for your husband and if you make a big deal out of this you will come out as looking ridiculous.