Friends invitation gone sour

[HowUAI]

Just wanted to discuss an awkward situation I found myself in with regards to a couple that my husband and I are friends with for several years now. It started off as a text on a group chat that only the 4 of us share. They initiated the conversation asking us at very short notice if we would be free over the weekend for a meal at their house. As I had to be at work on the Saturday till late (and could absolutely not rearrange due to the nature of my job), I immediately replied I wouldn’t be available Saturday night. Thinking they would suggest an alternative day. The texts stopped for a while and after a couple of hours they texted us again asking if I minded if my husband could join them alone on Saturday night as they went ahead and organized a meal and invited 2 other couples too that we are very good friends with too. Honestly I didn’t know what to think of that! I was quite shocked at how blatantly rude they were. Starting off wanting to check our availability making us think they would try to find an suitable day and then going ahead with organizing the meal anyway and making me feel really left out as they knew it would be impossible to join them. Moreover even if husband accepted their invitation, how selfish of them to think it’s ok to sit there enjoying themselves, when I am doing a very stressful job and not caring about my feelings. I would be just fine if they just texted back saying nevermind they will arrange another time soon or something similar. But to rub it in like that and think it’s ok! Why did I have to feel bad when it was their idea to try to plan a lovely meal and then leave me out! This is a couple who usually dined out 2-3 times a week with different friends, so surely they could have scheduled it a different day if they really wanted our company. They never called me to explain in person not did they try to find an excuse as to why the meal had to be on that specific night I couldn’t make. My husband of course politely declined the invitation to join them on his own, but honestly it made me think that perhaps they were never really that keen on my company all these years and only rate my husband as the “better half” of the couple we are. I honestly don’t know if I should pretend this never happened or if I should unfriend them forever!

I do love my job but often find people don’t have a clue what sacrifices it requires

I have had a job like that for 30 years. I used to get a bit wound up about missing out on stuff when I was younger. But I always took responsibility for it. It doesn’t help anyone being a martyr.

You've acknowledged you were OTT. You seem to have found your equanimity and you seem to have an admirable ability to laugh at yourself.

So good for you in coming back to say h to his. But for your own sake, do have a think about how you can balance a job you love against your feelings of missing out. A career is a long term thing. As you mature, I hope you drop the martyr thing; in my experience, the only person it harms is oneself.

I do love my job but often find people don’t have a clue what sacrifices it requires and whilst I AM TOTALLY HAPPY FOR THE WORLD TO HAVE A GOOD TIME whilst I work, I still think there was no need by our friends to rub it in like that. Because they said they were looking to invite X couple (who we are very close with too) only if we can make it too

it just gets more and more batshit with every post. They said they would only invite those others if you could come and think they are rubbing it in by doing so before you responded.

its the most narcissistic thing I’ve read on here. You are not god. They are allowed to have mates over without you.

Christ OP bloody get over yourself! Seriously.

I do love my job but often find people don’t have a clue what sacrifices it requires and whilst I AM TOTALLY HAPPY FOR THE WORLD TO HAVE A GOOD TIME whilst I work, I still think there was no need by our friends to rub it in like that. Because they said they were looking to invite X couple (who we are very close with too) only if we can make it too

It sounds hilariously like you think your job enables the rest ofnthe world to have a good time.

Are you Wonder Woman?

Are you 12?
Unless they are singers and after your husband lol.

Swingers

I agree with this (and the majority). What time are you working until OP? Could you not have your DH go and join them for a glass of wine afterwards?

I used to work shifts and I know it can feel awful when others socialise at 'sociable' hours without you, but It's not their fault what your working pattern is. I'd either arrange a similar evening myself, or if that's not an option say 'Please can we have another gathering like this soon, I really would have loved to haev come!'

This has to be a reverse?

@HowUAI this really is one of those situations where it really isn't about you. They want to have friends over, they thought to ask you both and one of you isn't available. It's not complicated. You working a weekend evening in no way entitles you to dictate someone else's social circle.

Life is full of things we get to enjoy and things we miss out on. It really isn't personal.