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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Friends invitation gone sour

233 replies

HowUAI · 10/06/2023 22:07

Just wanted to discuss an awkward situation I found myself in with regards to a couple that my husband and I are friends with for several years now. It started off as a text on a group chat that only the 4 of us share. They initiated the conversation asking us at very short notice if we would be free over the weekend for a meal at their house. As I had to be at work on the Saturday till late (and could absolutely not rearrange due to the nature of my job), I immediately replied I wouldn’t be available Saturday night. Thinking they would suggest an alternative day. The texts stopped for a while and after a couple of hours they texted us again asking if I minded if my husband could join them alone on Saturday night as they went ahead and organized a meal and invited 2 other couples too that we are very good friends with too. Honestly I didn’t know what to think of that! I was quite shocked at how blatantly rude they were. Starting off wanting to check our availability making us think they would try to find an suitable day and then going ahead with organizing the meal anyway and making me feel really left out as they knew it would be impossible to join them. Moreover even if husband accepted their invitation, how selfish of them to think it’s ok to sit there enjoying themselves, when I am doing a very stressful job and not caring about my feelings. I would be just fine if they just texted back saying nevermind they will arrange another time soon or something similar. But to rub it in like that and think it’s ok! Why did I have to feel bad when it was their idea to try to plan a lovely meal and then leave me out! This is a couple who usually dined out 2-3 times a week with different friends, so surely they could have scheduled it a different day if they really wanted our company. They never called me to explain in person not did they try to find an excuse as to why the meal had to be on that specific night I couldn’t make. My husband of course politely declined the invitation to join them on his own, but honestly it made me think that perhaps they were never really that keen on my company all these years and only rate my husband as the “better half” of the couple we are. I honestly don’t know if I should pretend this never happened or if I should unfriend them forever!

OP posts:
Applecoresweet · 10/06/2023 22:40

😄

How very dare they enjoy themselves while you are out at your stressful work. What?

Gymgoingfool · 10/06/2023 22:40

you can’t be serious op?

KR2023 · 10/06/2023 22:42

I agree with you. They were nasty, nasty people. They should all sit and stare at the walls until you have finished your shift and work around YOU!

YOU are the important one here, and they purposely left you out! Bullies, there is no other word for them

Dartmoorcheffy · 10/06/2023 22:42

"the only weird thing about their behaviour was asking your permission for your DH to come"

Maybe not so weird if they know the op very well. 🤣

StaunchMomma · 10/06/2023 22:43

In the nicest possible way, other people's social lives don't revolve around you.

Why should a group of friends miss out on doing something because you're at work?

weirdas · 10/06/2023 22:43

They have planned a meal
You are not free
They suggested your husband doesn't miss out

All seems reasonable

Original poster
HowUAI · 10/06/2023 22:43

Lissadell · 10/06/2023 22:17

In the nicest possible way, OP, if you’re like this highly-strung and aggressively offended in person, I imagine your friends were trying to figure out a time they could legitimately invite your DH without you.

I absolutely love this and has really cheered me up!

OP posts:
DaftyLass · 10/06/2023 22:47

So much angst, so little time

Batalax · 10/06/2023 22:51

It was nice if them to still invite dh. Yabu op. You should have let him go.

TheSnowyOwl · 10/06/2023 22:51

I can see why they want to spend time without you.

Hollyppp · 10/06/2023 22:52

YABU

Hohohoholidays · 10/06/2023 22:53

Nobody else think this is a bored teenager making up a scenario? Moreover- the type of word nobody uses in real life but frequently used when at school...

Original poster
HowUAI · 10/06/2023 22:53

Ok I appreciate everyone’s responses and I maybe I have over reacted a tiny bit. I am not usually like this at all nor do I lock anyone up in a dark room when I am working. In fact I am the one to make sure the kids or husband don’t miss out on anything because if my work. It was the way this was done that just my feelings. It would be totally different if the invitation was clearly for that specific day and for whatever reason we couldn’t make it so they still went ahead. What seemed rude to me is that they initially tried to ask our availability but then went ahead and organized it anyway despite knowing I wouldn’t be able to make it.

OP posts:
Sothisisitthen · 10/06/2023 22:55

I’m inclined to believe it because I know someone who thinks like this. I give her a wide berth as she is stressful and exhausting to be around. I think she creates drama and enjoys doing it.

miniegg3 · 10/06/2023 22:56

They haven't done anything wrong.. if you're both friends with them, sorry but lives goes on for everyone else even when you are at work 🤷‍♀️ I wouldn't have a problem with it

SallyWD · 10/06/2023 22:56

I don't think they did anything wrong either! They obviously invited a few people at the same time. You were the only one who couldn't make it so they decided to go ahead. Seems normal to me. If me and DH were in this situation, I'd absolutely want him to go and he would. And vice versa!

DanceMonster · 10/06/2023 22:57

HowUAI · 10/06/2023 22:53

Ok I appreciate everyone’s responses and I maybe I have over reacted a tiny bit. I am not usually like this at all nor do I lock anyone up in a dark room when I am working. In fact I am the one to make sure the kids or husband don’t miss out on anything because if my work. It was the way this was done that just my feelings. It would be totally different if the invitation was clearly for that specific day and for whatever reason we couldn’t make it so they still went ahead. What seemed rude to me is that they initially tried to ask our availability but then went ahead and organized it anyway despite knowing I wouldn’t be able to make it.

But surely you can see that as everyone else invited could make that day, it made sense to go ahead anyway?

MrsMikeDrop · 10/06/2023 22:59

HowUAI · 10/06/2023 22:43

I absolutely love this and has really cheered me up!

Show quote history

🤣 I can see why you're bummed to miss out OP, but it's probably because the day worked best and best not to overthink it

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 10/06/2023 22:59

Moreover even if husband accepted their invitation, how selfish of them to think it’s ok to sit there enjoying themselves, when I am doing a very stressful job and not caring about my feelings
So to be fair and treat them equally you never have fun while they're working right? In fact as a good friend you just sit there focusing on how hard their day is don't you? Missing out sucks but it doesn't mean they're in the wrong. The selfishness here is not your friends having a good time in their downtime while you're working, it's you expecting your DH to say no to invites and sit around at home if you're working.

Wenfy · 10/06/2023 22:59

I think it’s weird that if it’s a couples dinner they wanted your DH there by himself. Is there a backstory in that he’s the actual friend of one of the people there?

Sierra26 · 10/06/2023 23:00

Dartmoorcheffy · 10/06/2023 22:42

"the only weird thing about their behaviour was asking your permission for your DH to come"

Maybe not so weird if they know the op very well. 🤣

I almost wrote this too as I was typing it 🤣

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 10/06/2023 23:02

HowUAI · 10/06/2023 22:53

Ok I appreciate everyone’s responses and I maybe I have over reacted a tiny bit. I am not usually like this at all nor do I lock anyone up in a dark room when I am working. In fact I am the one to make sure the kids or husband don’t miss out on anything because if my work. It was the way this was done that just my feelings. It would be totally different if the invitation was clearly for that specific day and for whatever reason we couldn’t make it so they still went ahead. What seemed rude to me is that they initially tried to ask our availability but then went ahead and organized it anyway despite knowing I wouldn’t be able to make it.

I expect the other couples were asked at the same time in a different chat and they just went with the night the majority could go.

UsingChangeofName · 10/06/2023 23:03

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 10/06/2023 22:10

You're completely over reacting. They wanted a dinner party with a few people. They sent a text out to a few couples and some of them could make it so they decided to go ahead. One of the couples replied and said one person in the couple would be working, so they invited the other half of the couple in case they were at a loose end. The end.

This.

I have to agree with everyone else.

They decided to invite 3 couples over. 5 of the 6 could come. It sort of goes with the territory of shift work. If something is arranged and it turns out the shift worker in our family is working, then we still invite their partner, and the partner still comes. Very normal.

I'm not sure why your dh would decline the invitation.
You are completely over reacting.

CovertImage · 10/06/2023 23:04

Wenfy · 10/06/2023 22:59

I think it’s weird that if it’s a couples dinner they wanted your DH there by himself. Is there a backstory in that he’s the actual friend of one of the people there?

A "couples dinner"? JFC, is there really such a thing once you're a grown up?

Namechange666 · 10/06/2023 23:05

I don't wish to pile on but you are making this about you. It's not. Why do you feel so strongly about this? Is there a back story?

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