How did you confront OW when you found out?

[BabaJel]

I've just told friend of 12 years who is shagging partner of 23 years exactly what I thought of her in a text - there were lots of expletives and I called her an ugly cunt, sent her details of the brothel he'd visited and called her a cunt again. I know the relationship is over and I'm not proud of my text but my goodness it felt good!

Once I saw she'd read message, I blocked her (he's been blocked for a long time). I don't intend to contact either one of them again and it feels like this sorry saga has concluded.
I would love to hear how others 'dealt' with the OW. I'm sure there have been much more creative ways.

A bit more - after she said I wouldn't understand because I was a feminist, she said she had 'got her own back' by shagging the engineer who came to fix the lift in her block of flats. 'So now we're quits' she said. She is still with this man after 37 years. She gave him a black eye once. I asked if she was not afraid of retaliation, and she said 'he wouldn't dare'. There are many people whose lives I just do not understand, but she is the leader in that.

Wtf? Where have I excused the guy? What's the matter with your reading comprehension?

I don't excuse any cheater, but if put in the position of the cheated on, I'd want my revenge to be calm, cold and rational, so that no-one 'on the other side' (whether the OW or friends and acquaintances of the slimy couple) could think I was off my head and blame me.

Jesus shook and sobbed.

I'm revising my view of the guy now. I actually feel sorry for him. I hope he can manage to leave his violent, abusive, criminal partner.

If he left her now it would be to go in an old people's home, I should think.

Sounds better than the life he's been subjected to so far.

That's horrifying.

I didn't contact her. I kicked my husband out and told her husband why.

@DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder I think its a bit pathetic that with everything in the world that is wrong in 2023, that people's views on women who decide to engage in affairs makes you depressed. No one makes people engage in affairs. They do so willing knowing the risk of blowing up theirs and other people's lives.

This thread is specifically about confronting OW. Lots of people on this thread have blamed their spouse/seperated/divorced.

I save my compassion and sympathy in life for people who need and deserve it.

People who actively engage in behaviours that have the ability to destroy other people don't usually into that category.

Magnificent @BabaJel !!!

Bwahahaha! I fucked the best mate too.
His mate wouldn't have been able to keep it to himself either.
I heard later on that he was devastated. Oh. Well.

I didn't say anything to her, but I decked him.

I wouldn't give a shit what other people thought of me, my self respect and self esteem is higher than that.

Ugh, everyone trying to outdo each other - pathetic

And the prize for deflection, hypocrisy and missing the point goes to...

If it makes you feel better, though, many people agree with you that sexism, misogyny, sexist double standards and making women the gatekeepers of men's penises isn't important and that it's pathetic to think otherwise.

It's not the responsibility of the OW to make your DH keep it in his pants. That's his responsibility. I get that the OP's DH cheated with her "friend" and a true friend would refuse to do that, but it's still not the responsibility of the OW to police the DH. A lot of OWs don't even know they are an OW.

I've admired the posters who ganged up with the OW to confront the cheat together.

@VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia I didn't say it was did I?

Women who didn't know they were the OW are as innocent as the betrayed partner. They are also being lied to and manipulated. It isn't comparable.

Tell me were does the absolution of damage caused to another person end by an OW end?

Lots of affairs happen with in people's social circles, their own homes, their own beds.

They have met the children of the marriage under the unsuspecting spouse nose. Some other women are confidants of the person being betrayed. Met them at work events etc.

To have the absolute brass neck to stare into someone's face knowing you are sleeping with their partner and when it comes out how that person will recount every single interaction is a special type of low.

The level of lying, gaslighting and manipulation involved in carrying out affairs and the damage they wreck on the people around them is not always caused by the actions of just one person.

It always is a clear indicator of how incredibly selfish and lacking in empathy a person is.

All the angry blame here should be directed at the fucking husband who presumably knows he's married at least as much as the OW does and took it on as his own commitment. He did that damage, he did it under his own spouse's unsuspecting nose, he had the brass neck to stare into his wife's face knowing he was cheating on her, etc etc etc.

I really do not understand how you can eradicate the person who actually made the promise and shat on his own family from the story like this. Like the PP who complained of women "poaching" men like they're helpless prey, rabbits on another woman's land.

Cheating men fucking love this shit.

Don't start with "oh I blame him equally". No you don't. This whole thread is about the OW, as they always are, and you're just one example of someone leaving the sexually incontinent man out of the story entirely.

And you shouldn't blame him equally anyway. You should blame him entirely. Because only only person can shit all over their personal commitment to their wife and family, and that's him.

I can't for my life understand why this medieval, man pandering shite continues to be so hotly defended and perpetuated.

When I found out I put the screenshots of the convos they'd been having on Facebook and tagged them both in it. That's how he knew I'd found out. Loved his reaction. watched him as he read it. Then threw the bastard out.

bravo

👏👏😅😅

I ran her. I told her she had broken me, I told her that I have 3 small children, that I loved him, that I would ever forgive her. She said she was sorry. Dreadful time I was completely broken.
He eventually left me
He married her
She had an affair and left him
She rang me years later to say sorry and make her peace with me as found out she was terminally ill

Was she Nessa Jones from Gavin & Stacey? - because that’s who I heard say that in my head

One booted leg up on your bed, in a pleather skirt, fag in hand

😂 @AMuser

His niece or your niece? I'm confused.

👏👏😂😂

@Cimone

I think you know that but are just too afraid to confront him realistically, so you flip the hell out at the woman because that is safe. You know if you confront HIM, you'll be forced to do something about it like leave. And since you don't want to leave your cheating, lying, backstabbing man, you instead vent your anger at other persons.
^^^
In the op, op said 'I know the relationship is over ' and 'I don't intend to contact either of them again' would indicate that dp was ex-dp.
I'm sure ex- dp was also given a few choice words as he was booted out the door.
Remember it takes 2 to tango - like it or not OW was complicit in the break up of this relationship.
If not this OW someone else.
It is not kind behaviour
So anyone who knowingly sleeps with married person is potentially responsible for causing a great deal of pain - and to children if there are any. The ripple effect which can be felt for years.
So maybe not such a shock when they get called out for their behaviour.
(Didn't they used to 'stone' adulterers back in the day?) not that I'm suggesting that.

It’s not that deep so try not to get depressed. If someone accuses of you being the “OW”, then that would be incredibly juvenile.

Yes, that poster was not right to use a sexist slur. Yes, that manager was disgusting for abusing his position of power and authority. And yes, the cheating spouse is the one who deserves opprobrium as they were the ones who broke the trust and vows etc.

But, having said that, there are times when the affair partner is equally just as bad if they are friends with the one wronged party, know them well enough, have met them and their families more than once in a social setting etc. Because the affair partner met the wronged person whilst engaging in an illicit affair and doing so is has also betrayed trust, lied and actively took part in a horrible deception. So yes, in those types of scenarios, the cheating partner/spouse as well as the affair partner are in the wrong and it’s understandable why the person, who was cheated on, would be understandably upset with both.

I’m not condoning attacking someone or being malicious, but there are times when a person could easily be upset with the cheating spouse/partner and the affair partner. For instance, OP has unwittingly been friends with the affair partner for over a decade so this person clearly knows her very well and perhaps even OP would have shared her inner thoughts so it is a betrayal of trust even there have been no vows exchanged. Surely you can understand that?

Every situation is different and I don’t see every single poster attacking the affair partner, some even feeling sorry for them etc. and confronting the cheater together. I don’t see how any of that is depressing. We all have complex emotions. We are halfway through 2023 and pretty soon the year will be over. Now, I find that more depressing, as I just feel like time is flying by, than a bunch of people posting and sharing their thoughts, experiences and feelings.