How did you confront OW when you found out?

[BabaJel]

I've just told friend of 12 years who is shagging partner of 23 years exactly what I thought of her in a text - there were lots of expletives and I called her an ugly cunt, sent her details of the brothel he'd visited and called her a cunt again. I know the relationship is over and I'm not proud of my text but my goodness it felt good!

Once I saw she'd read message, I blocked her (he's been blocked for a long time). I don't intend to contact either one of them again and it feels like this sorry saga has concluded.
I would love to hear how others 'dealt' with the OW. I'm sure there have been much more creative ways.

Strolled into her office (we all worked in the same building, different departments, including ex husband) with my skin tight jeans, heeled boots, my head held high and very loudly asked the other 9 ladies in her office... 'Have you heard the latest gossip?' To which they looked surprised and said no. 'Well, madam over there has been shagging my husband upstairs for the past 6 months,if you'd like to know more I'm sure she would love to fill you in'
OW was on a call and the phone dropped out her hand!
Dont know who was more shocked, the OW or my colleagues who knew me as being so quiet and shy😂

Those portraying the OW as some poor innocent victim and absolving her of all blame are deluded. If she was totally unaware AP was married, fair enough but there are women out there lacking in self esteem/morals or just dammed entitled who make a play, revelling in their ability to poach married men. No conscience what so ever. No second thought to wife and family.My friend discovered an affair between her husband and OW, who she knew and had previously been friendly with and treated her very generously (as is her nature). OW had been taking my friend for all she could whilst shagging her husband behind her back.Friend was utterly heartbroken reeling from the shock. Husband came to his senses, totally regretted and ended affair affair and was desperate to reconcile. Previous to this affair he had been the perfect husband and father for 25 years. My friend decided to give him another chance providing he did the appropriate work and they had counselling. However Cougar type OW, turned into a bunny boiler, sending friend vile, vitriolic messages and emails detailing intimate info of the affair. She would not let go at being dumped. Even claiming a year later on her social media, she was in a 'relationship' with the husband. My friend who until this point had taken the dignified and silent response by ignoring OW, flipped.In the dead of night she anonymously postered OW's home and work address area with details (pic and phone number) stating OW was 'available' for xyz. In addition to this she sent OW's friends and family copies of the vile messages and emails she'd received, asking them to take care of OW as she obviously had MH issues and needed their support. OW was never heard from again.Friend is still married 3 years on and now credits OW as the wake up call on their long marriage. As a couple they have become closer, she has a stronger position in the marriage and both claim they have never been happier. Her husband is still full of regret for his shitty behaviour. Respect to her she has forgiven him. I certainly wouldn't in her shoes.

Yes.

No idea where paragraphs disappeared to in my comment.

Apologies.

She contacted me to let me know what was going on between her and my partner. After months of me believing him when he kept insisting she was making it up, I contacted her and arranged to meet her.

We went for a drink together and she told me what been going on, including showing me all their shared texts, and we just spoke really calmly about it. I was with her for about two hours.

I then phoned him, told him I’d just had drinks with other woman who told me everything, and that our relationship was over.

If she was totally unaware AP was married, fair enough but there are women out there lacking in self esteem/morals or just dammed entitled who make a play, revelling in their ability to poach married men.

Presumably the husband knew he was married at least as well as she did.

You can't steal a person unless you kidnap them. If a man cheats, it's because he chose to.

If your husband doesn't give a shit about you, makes no sense to expect someone else to care more. You're better off without him if he's too weak and self-serving to keep his promise to you.

And people wonder why women stay with pricks. Easy to do if everything he does is someone else's fault and he cheated because someone poached him like a hunted rabbit in a field.

I had known for a couple of days, so I ensured I took a photo of me and our daughters looking stunning and a bit scary at a family party. Sent it to her saying look at me and our beautiful girls, no idea why he'd waste time with you or the other three he's been PAYING FOR, and I have copies of all your grubby messages which I'll happily send to your husband if you ever make contact again. I then sent that to to the other three slags, plus all the friends who used to come to my house and abuse my hospitality but KNEW. Snakes. I then stupidly took him back but finally now on the path to singledom.

When I was 18 I had a boyfriend who I got wind was cheating on me. My best friend who lived beside me and we grew up together worked at the same place as him so helped me to do some detective work and find out who it was. I found out that it was another girl that they worked with occasionally. I contacted her and it turned out she had no idea that he had a girlfriend, she was lovely and mortified when she found out he was in a relationship. The two of us confronted him together at his work. His face when he saw us walk in together was a picture. I obviously told him we were done and thought that was that... A few days later I found out that he had also been sleeping with my best friend! There had been a reason why she had been wanting to find out who else he was sleeping with and it wasn't out of loyalty to me.

When I asked her about it she told me she was still getting with him and that she didn't see any reason to stop seeing him. I asked her why she thought he wouldn't do the same thing to her and she told me she had qualities that I just would never have. I was devastated. I was so much more hurt by what she did to me than what he did. We had been best friends since 4 years old and I trusted her more than anyone. Our houses were back to back so our back gardens looked onto one another and so did our bedrooms. Growing up we used to shout out from our bedroom window to the other one if we wanted to go out to play.

After finding out, I went out with another friend and got really drunk. On the way home we went to the shops and loaded up on cartons of eggs, went to my back garden and egged the hell out of ex-best friend's bedroom window. I woke up the next morning and looked out my bedroom window to be greeted with the vision of her crusty eggy window, however in our drunken states we'd clearly had a fair few bad throws so there was a trail of dried up eggs on the ground leading from her back garden into mine (as if she wouldn't have known it was me anyway).

It might not have been the most dignified form of revenge but I was young and immature. To be honest I don't regret it anyway.

My friend discovered that she was the OW when she saw her BF all over the news one day with his wife and kids. She felt terrible as she had been away with his friends, met girlfriends/wives, etc, even his Mum. When she confronted him, he said, “Oh it’s okay, we have an open relationship.” (One that he had never, ever mentioned…) She said to him “Well, I don’t.” And blocked him.

My EXH was shagging someone I worked with. He regularly came and saw me at work, and she asked him to repair her laptop. We all lived quite close to each other and had dinner together etc. I didn’t think much of him helping her as he helped many people with tech problems, and we were all friends. One afternoon I borrowed his laptop and there on the screen was messages between them regarding their affair. Pretty explicit in places too. I printed off everything I could find and posted them to her husband. She was also caught shagging our boss at work 2 weeks before our boss got married. What a lovely woman.
Oh, and when we got a new manager she offered him a blowjob for a promotion. He took the blowjob from her and gave me the promotion.

Oh, and when we got a new manager she offered him a blowjob for a promotion. He took the blowjob from her and gave me the promotion.

a) How do you know this?

b) Knowing he's the kind of man who takes blowjobs from female staff while falsely promising promotions, did you accept the promotion?

If the OW had been your friend of 12 years it is definitely relevant!!!!

A) the manager himself told us (the whole team) and she was happy to confirm and kept excitedly telling everyone about her promotion. When she didn’t get it and realised I’d been offered it she was distraught. And she told anyone who’d listen about how she gave herself to someone for no come back
B) I moved 150 miles to a different county and transferred for a promotion of a role above the promotion I was offered. And it was offered from sheer hard work - no blowies.

Your manager told the entire team that he'd taken a blowjob from a subordinate staff member while promising her a promotion that she didn't get, and she went around to everyone confirming it?

I'd probably stay in that office just for the entertainment value, actually. I expect it's the same place where betrayed wives make OW cry by sending them gold painted shovels.

The manager didn’t care a jot. He was leaving before the year was out and she was a hoe.
The woman in question ended up meeting her new husband on MySpace. What a life.

she was a hoe

You were all working on a farm? Dirty farmers. I guess he was a rake.

Right, well, thanks for clarifying all that and reinforcing the notion that when men abuse their positions of power for sexual favours, it's the women who get the insulting terms and just punishments. I expect she got a gold shovel too.

When my cousin found out her boyfriend had been sleeping with another woman, she went round to her house, threw a stone at a window, breaking it, and when the OW looked out, yelled 'Keep your slapper hands off my bloke!'. She did, after that.

A cheating man's absolute fucking dream.

What Darrell said. It's 2023, post-metoo, and we've still got women blamed for men using "casting couch" tactics to get laid.

Did she break the BF's window too?

Don't blame women for men cheating unless you have firm evidence that she knew he was attached. Even then, he's the one who betrayed trust.

Oh don’t get me wrong. The manager was an absolute tool as well. I believe in calling out people for what they are. Both of them were dicks.

Not the impression I get from your posts. You didn't need to be pulled up on anything to use a sexist slur against her. And after he allegedly abused his position to get her to blow him, the only person who got a moral comeuppance in the story was her. He, in fact, was only the agent of her just punishment.

Rather like the age old "haha, just wait, he'll cheat on her too". She deserves heartbreak and humiliation. He deserves more cheating sex.

I'm not surprised by any of this, nor the sudden denial when it's pulled up. It's exactly what I expect. But fuck me, it's depressing, and cheating men are fucking laughing. Even this thread is, as usual, all about attacking the OW even while everyone claims they're JUST AS ANGRY at the man who actually had a commitment to break.

And now someone's going to accuse me of being an OW because to some people, that's the only way you could possibly believe a man is responsible for himself and not some sort of game to be poached.

And it's 2023. I'm so depressed.

Well, absolutely. This is what I told her. I wouldn't understand, she said, 'because you are a feminist'.

Jesus wept.

She was (and is) a fool. We all told her, but would she listen? He has babies by three other women. He is an electrician, and one of them was when he was installing a cooker for a woman, a 'friend' or his girlfriend. He offered the excuse, after being found out, that it being hot, she had offered him a beer, and 'one thing led to another'. My cousin said 'well, it was a hot day'.