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Original poster

How did you confront OW when you found out?

214 replies

BabaJel · 08/06/2023 18:51

I've just told friend of 12 years who is shagging partner of 23 years exactly what I thought of her in a text - there were lots of expletives and I called her an ugly cunt, sent her details of the brothel he'd visited and called her a cunt again. I know the relationship is over and I'm not proud of my text but my goodness it felt good!

Once I saw she'd read message, I blocked her (he's been blocked for a long time). I don't intend to contact either one of them again and it feels like this sorry saga has concluded.
I would love to hear how others 'dealt' with the OW. I'm sure there have been much more creative ways.

OP posts:
Bagsundermyeyestoday · 09/06/2023 04:01

wildeststorm · 08/06/2023 19:09

This brings back memories! I was 17 when I was told my best friend had been sleeping with my boyfriend. I'm not proud but I slapped her in the face.
Proud? No.
Regretful? Definitely not.

Amazing! 👏👏👏

lifestylevlog · 09/06/2023 04:10

BonnieGlasses · 08/06/2023 18:54

Well you sound delightful. A bit more dignity would have been better.

Leave the OP alone.

I'm not surprised she's angry. How would you feel if your long term friend went off with your husband!?

lifestylevlog · 09/06/2023 04:32

PurpleFlower1983 · 08/06/2023 22:47

I was ok with the other woman, but I sent the video of him receiving a blow job from her that I found on his phone to his mum.

Jeez

saraclara · 09/06/2023 05:36

RenoDakota · 09/06/2023 01:37

You did that to his poor mother. What had she done to deserve that?
Shame on you.

Show quote history

That. Why on earth punish and distress his mother like that?

saraclara · 09/06/2023 05:40

I get that some of the more extreme reactions on this thread are very satisfying. But if I were the OW, a response like the spade one would simply make me feel vindicated. That the man I'd been shagging was absolutely justified in cheating because his wife was insane.

So yeah, if cheated on I'd rather be steely and rational in my response.

troubg · 09/06/2023 05:45

Not me but friend find out other friend was sleeping with her boyfriend.

I'm not sure how she managed this but she didn't say anything about her discovery for a while & collected evidence. What she did do is start talking to me, OW, friends about how she wasn't sure where the relationship was going as he was suffocating her, was talking about marriage etc. She also started pulling back from the boyfriend, going out more, flirting with other men, etc. She did it in such way that we all thought she really was just losing interest rather than hurt about something. For whatever reason this made the boyfriend keener & when we would catch up (with OW friend) she would play voicemails & read messages where he sent things like "no one compares to you", "your the first woman i've met who i want to marry", "best sex I've had". She would be like "I feel really bad, I'm just not that into him". "I want to dump him but he'll be so hurt". Eventually she did dump him without saying a word about the affair. She told me months later & showed me the proof as I didn't believe but I did remember how OW friend did act a bit odd during our chats looking back. I assumed the OW stopped seeing him as she had a new man quite quickly & they moved away & we aren't really in touch much.

whatk8ydid · 09/06/2023 07:31

Ladysaurus · 08/06/2023 21:26

My gf went and slept with my best friend. We didn't live together. She still lived at home with her parents, her mum still did her laundry (we were all mid20s). I wrapped something no one wants their mother to find up in the clothes I sent back to her when we exchanged stuff. She put them straight in the laundry for her mother to find. As expected.

You put a spider in her laundry??

WhatTheHeckyPeck · 09/06/2023 07:44

I went to the pub/restaurant where they both worked, which I had done in the past before I found out. She knew I knew but I said and did nothing other than make small talk with others there I knew. I mentioned nothing about what was going on (although I suspect a few there knew anyway). Seeing her walk on eggshells, just waiting for me to say something was delicious. My ex even rang me later on asking why I hadn't shouted at her and I had "totally messed with her head" and she was crying when she got back to theirs. I considered that a job well done.

PinkShoelacesAndAPolkaDotVest · 09/06/2023 08:14

whatk8ydid · 09/06/2023 07:31

You put a spider in her laundry??

Show quote history

😂😂😂

Timeforthenextholiday · 09/06/2023 08:30

I was 20 when my boyfriend cheated with a barmaid he worked with. She was just turned 18.

I was told by one of the other staff earlier in the day and went to the pub just before the girl started her shift.

I said hello, bought her a soft drink and sat with her. I told her I knew what was going on and she burst into tears, telling me she was so sorry. She told me how he had been persistent and I believed her. I told her that we both could do better than the slimy toad. She was a nice girl actually and I could see she was taken in by the older guy. I actually thanked her for showing me what kind of person he was.

He was also due to start his shift coincidentally at the same time as her so he walked in and his face was an absolute picture seeing us together having a drink and chatting.

I gave her a hug and told her to do better. She deserves better than him. I then went over to him and said in case you haven't realised by now, we are done. I am worth more than you and walked out before he had a chance to say anything.

A couple of days later, I had a phone call from the girl. She apologized again and thanked me for opening her eyes. The surprise was her parents also came on the phone and thanked me for treating their daughter so kindly and said that she told them everything that happened and that she had quit her job and blocked him.

I have seen her briefly since in passing some time later and she was with a boyfriend and she was so happy. I also moved on to another boyfriend who went on to become my husband.

soddingspiderseason · 09/06/2023 08:30

saraclara · 09/06/2023 05:40

I get that some of the more extreme reactions on this thread are very satisfying. But if I were the OW, a response like the spade one would simply make me feel vindicated. That the man I'd been shagging was absolutely justified in cheating because his wife was insane.

So yeah, if cheated on I'd rather be steely and rational in my response.

She worked with my husband. I was pregnant when they started sleeping together and as we travelled home together, she saw me every day as our child was growing in my belly. When my daughter was 6 days old and I could barely walk after a caesarean he disappeared for a night to go drinking and spend it with her, without telling me he wouldn't be back. So yes, maybe I was insane.

Don't judge others till you've walked in their shoes.

MsRosley · 09/06/2023 09:06

Yeah, normally I'd say direct your anger at your DH not the OW, but when the OW has been pretending to be your friend while shagging your husband behind your back, I'm afraid that bitch deserves everything she gets. It's a double betrayal, and your fury is completely understandable, OP.

FelisCatus0 · 09/06/2023 09:12

@BonnieGlasses Why the hell should the wronged person be the one to have 'dignity'? Fuck that for a joke! You sound like an OW who wishes the wronged person would stay quiet so you wouldn't feel guilty. DFOD

Freyja25 · 09/06/2023 09:20

I didn’t confront her, despite being really angry, as she knew not only that he was married, but how much I already had to deal with, having kids with significant SEND.

She’s not the ‘prize’ she thinks she is. Allegedly, she was already sleeping with another married man whilst trying to sleep with mine (she even told him so!) 🙄

I made sure that her closest friends found out about it (one of them was a mutual friend).

She hadn’t told them, oops 😬

Maddy70 · 09/06/2023 09:35

I wouldn't have said a word keep your dignity. I would have directed that anger towards my partner. And swiftly left

Maddy70 · 09/06/2023 09:37

Actually I hadn't picked up she was a friend. Then give her full barrels and leave your partner

FelisCatus0 · 09/06/2023 09:40

Cimone · 08/06/2023 21:47

This was a very unintelligent, blame shifting and undignified response. Just plain ignorant to be blunt. The person you should have been going off on and screaming at is your partner, not someone else. HIS commitment which he seems to have forgotten about, is to you, right?. HE is the one who cheated on you, HE is the one that hurt you, HE is the one that stabbed you in the back, HE is the one who didn't care about you or your relationship as long as he got what he wanted.

I think you know that but are just too afraid to confront him realistically, so you flip the hell out at the woman because that is safe. You know if you confront HIM, you'll be forced to do something about it like leave. And since you don't want to leave your cheating, lying, backstabbing man, you instead vent your anger at other persons.

Watch:

FUCK your 'be dignified' crap, @Cimone , you can FUCK RIGHT THE FUCK OFF with that simpering weak bs. Did you even READ the OP's post? It was not just some OW, it was her best friend!

So DFOD!!

Romiley · 09/06/2023 09:49

Ketzele · 08/06/2023 20:52

I was the OW. She found us in bed. They both went into my kitchen and had a blazer, while I cowered under the sheets praying, "God, if you get me out of this I will never sleep with someone's partner again"

She came back in and I was terrified - she was an army girl and a toughie - and she just said, " No hard feelings, Ketz" and left!

It was so much more than I deserved. 40 years on and I have kept that promise to never, ever fuck around.

🤣🤣🤣🤣 you're killing me.

Moralhighgroundlol · 09/06/2023 10:00

saraclara · 09/06/2023 05:40

I get that some of the more extreme reactions on this thread are very satisfying. But if I were the OW, a response like the spade one would simply make me feel vindicated. That the man I'd been shagging was absolutely justified in cheating because his wife was insane.

So yeah, if cheated on I'd rather be steely and rational in my response.

There is no justification for a man to cheat on a woman! More like he was already treating her badly (projecting, gaslighting, stonewalling, abusing, silent treatment and lying) all behaviours to enable cheating....that would be enough to send anyone 'crazy'

Why on earth would you excuse a cheater? You sound like a bitter ex OW who once fell for the script 😂

snowydays10 · 09/06/2023 10:15

All sound as bad as each other.. ugly c word.. eek.

Wenfy · 09/06/2023 10:16

I used to be a foster carer. OW beat her baby quite badly while my ex was away, there was significant social services involvement already and they took the kids away. Her eldest rang me in bits begging me to take them in (OW and I used to be friends) so I did and ended up being their guardian for 2 years until the father was in a position to take them. If you ask OW I ‘took revenge’ by taking her kids away when my priority was ensuring her kids stayed together - she stalked me for ages until I contacted her employer about it (she was in the police).

Upsizer · 09/06/2023 10:18

Nothing, we are still friends. He’s long gone. I valued her far more than him.

CrackedSkull · 09/06/2023 10:24

Wenfy · 09/06/2023 10:16

I used to be a foster carer. OW beat her baby quite badly while my ex was away, there was significant social services involvement already and they took the kids away. Her eldest rang me in bits begging me to take them in (OW and I used to be friends) so I did and ended up being their guardian for 2 years until the father was in a position to take them. If you ask OW I ‘took revenge’ by taking her kids away when my priority was ensuring her kids stayed together - she stalked me for ages until I contacted her employer about it (she was in the police).

Omg she was a police officer?

ExitChasedByAMemory · 09/06/2023 10:39

Mariposista · 08/06/2023 21:59

Totally agree with this. Sinking to his level. Keep classy ladies.

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Er, did you miss the part that her friend was the other woman? Someone OP had known for over a decade betrayed her trust. Or is that ok?

tothelefttotheleft · 09/06/2023 10:43

QueSyrahSyrah · 08/06/2023 19:31

Not the OW but I used some choice words when I found out a very close friend had slept with my (now ex) husband literally days after we'd separated. I don't even know how she found the time because she spent day and night 'supporting' me over those first few weeks.

If the OW definitely knows he's married, like it appears OP's did, then an angry text is the least they deserve. Utterly morally bankrupt.

That must have made it even worse.