Page 5 | How did you confront OW when you found out?

BabaJel · 2023-06-08T17:51:47+00:00

I've just told friend of 12 years who is shagging partner of 23 years exactly what I thought of her in a text - there were lots of expletives and I called her an ugly cunt, sent her details of the brothel he'd visited and called her a cunt again. I know the relationship is over and I'm not proud of my text but my goodness it felt good! Once I saw she'd read message, I blocked her (he's been blocked for a long time). I don't intend to contact either one of them again and it feels like this sorry saga has concluded. I would love to hear how others 'dealt' with the OW. I'm sure there have been much more creative ways.

Dery · 08/06/2023 22:51

And there are circumstances where dignity is overrated. This is one, I would say.

Els1e · 08/06/2023 22:53

I hugged her and wished her well. Apparently it unnerved her and they broke up soon after. Oh dear, never mind….

BananaBum · 08/06/2023 22:54

my friend once told me about someone who systematically sent the OW (who they knew quite well) envelopes and envelopes full of glitter and confetti.

made them look really official on the front and changed them a bit each time so as not to give it away. Folded paper inside in a way that made look like an innocent letter until it got pulled out and released the goods.

sent them to her at home, at work, her mums … this went on for ages. And just when it had stopped for a few weeks… BOOM. Another glitter bomb to clean up

Joeylove88 · 08/06/2023 23:08

Technically he wasn't my partner at the time but we had split for various reasons and we stayed emotionally connected still for months after and a mutual friend of ours who I spoke to about how I still felt about him decided to hook up with him behind my back then have the nerve to talk to me about 'a guy she had been seeing recently who she realised was still hung up on his ex' unknown to me she was talking about me! Technically they were both single so were within their rights to do what they wanted but it really fucking hurt me they both lied to me. I had the chance to have it out with her one evening when I saw him randomly one evening and she just happened to appear out of nowhere because she had basically stalked him and she was getting up in my face telling me the things he'd said to her about being in love with her etc. It was horrible! He was so remorseful and she didn't give a shit about my feelings she just wanted him. I didn't bother messaging her or meeting up with her but even today after 7 years I utterly despise her for the betrayal of friendship.

ilikeeggs · 08/06/2023 23:08

I’ve not said anything at all even though it’s been tempting. They’d been having an affair for nearly 2 years since our youngest was still a baby and I do want to ask her what kind of person she is to do that. I just don’t think it will achieve anything though apart from make me look bitter and like I care. I would love to know what lies he’s told her though.

ginandlime · 08/06/2023 23:21

33 year old Dh, caught him with 19 year old niece. Slapped him and chucked her out of my house. She wasn’t the only one, stupidly I stayed with him for a while longer.

CrackedSkull · 08/06/2023 23:21

My sister threw her hubbys porn collection over the OW lawn as well as his belongings.

SlippySarah · 08/06/2023 23:25

I said nothing to her and I don't regret it. She knew we were together and had 2 kids, the youngest was only 1. She knew she was a cunt and didn't need me to tell her. I don't think me sending abusive messages would have hurt her, it would have just made her think less of me. I took the moral high ground from an early stage and it's a choice that has worked out for me.

CheshireCat1 · 08/06/2023 23:40

Good for you. You’re well rid of the pair of them. I hope that you’ve found happiness. I understand exactly how you feel, hold your head high.

KissyMissy · 08/06/2023 23:42

soddingspiderseason · 08/06/2023 21:03

I bought a spade and sprayed it gold, bought those stick on letters, put her name along the handle and "gold digger" on the flat part of the spade. Crafted a presentation box out of an old hoover box and covered that in vibrant gold wrapping paper and gold tinsel, taking care to spray the inside copiously with the perfume "Poison" (which is unmistakable), and then had it hand delivered by courier to her at work. Apparently she cried. Hey ho.

Brilliant 🤩

Screamingabdabz · 08/06/2023 23:47

Never understand this frenzied anger at the OW when it’s usually coupled with a very minor reaction or even excusing of the cheating partner. It speaks of desperation and a lack of self awareness. Yes you’ve ditched the cheat (well done) but why are you still bitter about her? It’s him who betrayed you. Yes, she was a mate, but then she wasn’t really, was she?

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 08/06/2023 23:59

ginandlime · 08/06/2023 23:21

33 year old Dh, caught him with 19 year old niece. Slapped him and chucked her out of my house. She wasn’t the only one, stupidly I stayed with him for a while longer.

She was only 19, chances are he'd been grooming her whilst she was still a child. Any man who fucks a woman or girl who calls him "uncle" is basically a paedophile. Don't blame her.

MIBnightmare · 09/06/2023 00:06

I was the OW..

Ex wife wanted to meet me .
I agreed .
All very civilised in an Italian delicatessen in Tunbridge Wells..

All she wanted to know was if her ;

'Status would change ' !! No upset - no tears .. no nothing ..

My now DH had spend 5 years working away and feeling sad when he retire came home at weekends because he was so unwelcome at home .. she had a nanny and a daily cleaner .. (hadn't worked since the first 11 years previously) . He slept in the spare room when he was home because'he snored' (he doesn't) ..

We have been married for 17 years and he is completely wonderful to both his and my kids and we all love him with all our hearts.... at one stage he was thinking about throwing himself under the train rather than going home to ex ..

Ps (her stays DID change and she had to get a job for which she has never forgiven him ..)

ginandlime · 09/06/2023 00:15

She was only 19, chances are he'd been grooming her whilst she was still a child. Any man who fucks a woman or girl who calls him "uncle" is basically a paedophile. Don't blame her.

She had come from abroad with her child. They’d met two weeks before this started. I do accept though that he was a manipulative bastard.

whynotwhatknot · 09/06/2023 00:20

MIBnightmare · 09/06/2023 00:06

I was the OW..

Ex wife wanted to meet me .
I agreed .
All very civilised in an Italian delicatessen in Tunbridge Wells..

All she wanted to know was if her ;

'Status would change ' !! No upset - no tears .. no nothing ..

My now DH had spend 5 years working away and feeling sad when he retire came home at weekends because he was so unwelcome at home .. she had a nanny and a daily cleaner .. (hadn't worked since the first 11 years previously) . He slept in the spare room when he was home because'he snored' (he doesn't) ..

We have been married for 17 years and he is completely wonderful to both his and my kids and we all love him with all our hearts.... at one stage he was thinking about throwing himself under the train rather than going home to ex ..

Ps (her stays DID change and she had to get a job for which she has never forgiven him ..)

erm yeah ok poor ignored man has an affair

DedicatedFolllowerofFashion · 09/06/2023 00:26

Cimone · 08/06/2023 21:47

This was a very unintelligent, blame shifting and undignified response. Just plain ignorant to be blunt. The person you should have been going off on and screaming at is your partner, not someone else. HIS commitment which he seems to have forgotten about, is to you, right?. HE is the one who cheated on you, HE is the one that hurt you, HE is the one that stabbed you in the back, HE is the one who didn't care about you or your relationship as long as he got what he wanted.

I think you know that but are just too afraid to confront him realistically, so you flip the hell out at the woman because that is safe. You know if you confront HIM, you'll be forced to do something about it like leave. And since you don't want to leave your cheating, lying, backstabbing man, you instead vent your anger at other persons.

Watch:

That's not always the case. The men have already copped it. It's just fair to spread it around a bit!
Sadly I didn't get the chance at the time as she went to ground and hid. She was a family "friend". Stopped picking her kids up from school eg. By the time I actually saw her 12 years later I didn't give a shit. However i would still have loved to have banged her face into a sink but couldn't as it was a big event.

SlightlyJaded · 09/06/2023 00:35

Whilst I think it's right that your partner is the one who has committed to you and therefore the biggest betrayal is on his head I think blaming the OW really comes down to who they are to you. If it's a friend - or even someone you talk to (work colleague/neighbour etc), then they are lying by omission. They know you. They know you are married, they deserve your wrath.

A stranger could have been fed any old bullshit about your relationship.

Many years ago, my BF of four years and I were in bed asleep at his sister's house (we were house sitting for her). I heard someone knocking and knocking and suggested he answer but he refused saying 'just leave it'. We then heard them fiddling with the lock and eventually I heard someone come and and close the door behind them. BF went white as a sheet and lo and behold, sister's next door neighbour walked in wearing nothing but a sort of silky teddie thing (this was the early 90s) and a lot of perfume.

We were friendly enough (the neighbour and I) - she knew who I was, we'd chatted at BBQs etc - but for some reason she hadn't expected me to be there (or had, and wanted to 'declare' herself).

BF started shouting at her to leave and what the fuck etc and sort of trying to hold my shoulders and say sorry whilst simultaneously denying anything was going on, when it very clearly was. I just put my finger to my lip to ssshush him, got up, pulled on jeans and top and grabbed the rest then slowly left the room. As I did I told her that I was surprised it was her of all people, as he'd always made me and his sister laugh doing impressions of her whiney voice (true), I then told him he was shit in bed (also true) and that they were welcome to each other. He kept saying 'We'll talk later' but I got my dad to tell him to fuck off, put his stuff in bin bags and never spoke to him again.

Rogue1001MNer · 09/06/2023 00:35

BonnieGlasses · 08/06/2023 18:54

Well you sound delightful. A bit more dignity would have been better.

Is there a mn competition I'm not aware of for the first responder to be a dick?

LovelyJublee · 09/06/2023 00:36

MIBnightmare · 09/06/2023 00:06

I was the OW..

Ex wife wanted to meet me .
I agreed .
All very civilised in an Italian delicatessen in Tunbridge Wells..

All she wanted to know was if her ;

'Status would change ' !! No upset - no tears .. no nothing ..

My now DH had spend 5 years working away and feeling sad when he retire came home at weekends because he was so unwelcome at home .. she had a nanny and a daily cleaner .. (hadn't worked since the first 11 years previously) . He slept in the spare room when he was home because'he snored' (he doesn't) ..

We have been married for 17 years and he is completely wonderful to both his and my kids and we all love him with all our hearts.... at one stage he was thinking about throwing himself under the train rather than going home to ex ..

Ps (her stays DID change and she had to get a job for which she has never forgiven him ..)

Weird that he didn't leave her until he had a new woman lined up. He sounds like he has the funds to have left her and was suicidal yet he chose to stay until had a found someone else to shag?

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 09/06/2023 00:36

ginandlime · 09/06/2023 00:15

She was only 19, chances are he'd been grooming her whilst she was still a child. Any man who fucks a woman or girl who calls him "uncle" is basically a paedophile. Don't blame her.

She had come from abroad with her child. They’d met two weeks before this started. I do accept though that he was a manipulative bastard.

With a massive age gap like that and her so young, there's an inherent power imbalance. He's 14 years older than her.

And screwing family is just plain wrong, even if it isn't legally incest in that instance.

RenoDakota · 09/06/2023 01:37

PurpleFlower1983 · 08/06/2023 22:47

I was ok with the other woman, but I sent the video of him receiving a blow job from her that I found on his phone to his mum.

You did that to his poor mother. What had she done to deserve that?
Shame on you.

Bansheed · 09/06/2023 01:41

whynotwhatknot · 09/06/2023 00:20

erm yeah ok poor ignored man has an affair

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Tbh, I wouldn't blame him in these circs.

Cantstandbullshitanymore · 09/06/2023 01:53

BonnieGlasses · 08/06/2023 18:54

Well you sound delightful. A bit more dignity would have been better.

She sounds delightful? Compared to her friend who was sleeping with her partner? You’re funny lol

StinkyWizzleteets · 09/06/2023 02:51

I took his skiddy boxers and crusty cum socks over to her wrapped as a present with a love wee explanatory “these are your problem now” card, left on doorstep, rang bell & hid behind a bush 😂😂

screw dignity i loved every minute of it.

WiddlinDiddlin · 09/06/2023 03:14

I was cold and vicious.

I told her the truth - all that he said he had and was offering her was a lie, in fact, he was a fantasist through and through.

If you believe her (never sure if I did or not, I didn't really care), she'd left a partner, ditched a job and was about to move countries to live with him.

She thought he had a house, car, decent job, bought the line that I was a lazy fuck sponging off him and whoa his life was sooo hard...

She was fairly horrified to find out that the house and car were mine, the 50K a year job was actually a min. wage warehouse minion role and via an agency at that so no security at all.

I nearly felt sorry for her but if she'd seriously believed his bullshit and burnt her bridges, more fool her really! She

I'd paid for everything, phone, fuel, most of his fucking clothing. He walked out of mine with two rucksacks and I have zero idea of how he got back to his parents 400 miles away, but after the email I sent them, they weren't keen to have him back and certainly weren't collecting him.

I was 19, and hell had absolutely nothing on me, scorched earth, burn it to the ground no holds barred.

Easier then though, I was not dependent on him for more than a meagre contribution to the food and bills, I had a lodger, life was a lot simpler.

I was once the OW - had no idea, one night stand with a guy I met in the pub, not a clue he was married though tbh, I also didn't actually ask (I was 18, and more naive than I realised).

Took him home, had fun, booted him out... Met him the following weekend in the same pub... with his wife. He knew I was local, still decided to take his wife, and another couple to the pub I drink in...

Left it allllllllllll night, just occasionally giving him the hairy eyeball, until 'conveniently' she, I and two of my friends were in the toilets together and then told her something very private and very specific - in a 'heads up... he's actually a total cunt' way, not a 'haha I've shagged your bloke' way.

She was gutted, he went home wearing a pint and with a black eye, the other bloke out with them was her brother and he was NOT happy. (My friends and I made a tactical exit out of another door after the black eye was delivered so I have no idea what happened after that.)